# Grandparents vs. Cruising



## CWeatherly

Hi Everyone,
I am looking for some advice, mainly from those with children who have moved aboard and gone cruising. My wife and I have the skills, means, and desire to move aboard and take our son ( who will be 3) cruising. However, we both have very close families, and on my side our son is the only grandchild. 

My question is how did you decide that leaving behind family, especially grandparents, was worth it to cruise with your children? Also, for those who are out there now, do you think the time and experiences shared with your children made cruising the right choice?


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## MarkofSeaLife

Whose life is it?




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## capta

I raised a daughter from birth to 12 circumnavigating and after, operating various vessels far afield from the grandparents. My parents probably couldn't have cared less and the wife's parents made no big issue of it as far as I was aware.
However, we have met a great many commuter cruisers who say that their trips home are all about the grand kids.
Though family is of course important, I should think it a sad thing for you to give up your dreams because you feel that much responsibility to your parents. 
Anyway, *boat kids are great!*


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## CWeatherly

Of course I care about our parents feelings, but that is not my main concern. I never had a close relationship with my grandparents because they frankly never made much effort. Our parents live less than an hour away and have been constantly involved in our sons life. He is also very attached to them. My wife and I cruised some before our son was born, and we both want to buy another boat and cruise with him. We will probably do so in the next year. I know everyone's situation is different, but I just wondered if there was anyone else that had this issue and how they handled it. Our lives are our own, but the choices we make also shape our sons life. We are responsible for making good decisions for his future. That is, after all, why we want to take him cruising. Thanks for the responses so far.


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## Sal Paradise

I grew up on my grandparents boat. He hardly ever took it out of Jamaica bay. But he taught me to drive his Caddy when I was 12... while he smoked and looked out the window. Told me the most incredible stories about building Navy ships and WW2 stuff. They had a toy box at their house with a 200 pc set of wood blocks and when I was little my grandmother would read me the comic strips. She made the best chocolate cakes in the world. God I loved them! They were - and still in my heart are - the best people. The very best. I have a picture of grandpa and me on his boat, framed over my desk.I was probably 2. The boat was named Bali Hai because they had dreamt of going to the south pacific. They never did. Loved those people so much and I miss them to this day, and I'm 52. I don't know the answer.


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## CWeatherly

Sal Paradise you are right. I don't want anyone to tell us what to do. Just wondering how others made the decision to go. When we break the news to everyone I think moral support is going to be in short supply around here. I wish I had memories of my grandparents like yours, but they say you can't miss what you never had. Thanks


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## hpeer

Just one additional perspective. 

I believe our children learn from observing how we behave. Not 100% but a big %.

So what example do you want to set for your child? Would you want him to forgo his dreams to keep your grandchildren close? Or would you tell him “Take off Son, follow your muse.”

Guerin lies your answer. (maybe)


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## Rocky Mountain Breeze

Having been raised in a close family who did a lot of visiting with extended family members on both sides I think you can maintain ties without constant immersion. As my brothers and I left home some of us moved a long distance from our home, but would try to visit at least once per year. We still stay in contact by e-mail and phone so nobody becomes a stranger. I don't see why you can't live aboard and still have occasions to visit with extended family to maintain those family ties. My sister-in-law collects digital pictures from everyone during the year and creates a calendar with the important dates listed and multiple photos scattered in the appropriate places. I might see some of my nieces and nephews maybe once in five years but we are able to keep up through the pictures. If any family members have helicopter tendencies there might be complications.....


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## denverd0n

First off, I left a pretty good job to find one closer to my parents. I grew up close to my grandparents, and my wife and I both wanted our daughter to know her family. It turned out to be the right choice for us. My daughter has a great relationship with my parents, and my sister, which I don't think she would have had if we had not lived near them when she was in her -- as the commercials say -- "formative years."

On the other hand, in today's world, technology can help. Your children can communicate with your parents almost daily if they want, via e-mail, texting, Facebook, Skype, whatever. Video chatting, especially, can allow your parents to watch your children growing up even when they are thousands of miles away. And, of course, worldwide travel is easier and less expensive than it has ever been, which means that you can go to see them, or they can come to see you, on a regular basis.

So, being far away does not mean that you are as separated as you were even just a decade or so ago.

Good luck, whatever you decide.


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## Faster

We're in a bit of a 'flip side' situation.

We are extremely close to our son, DIL and our (only) granddaughter. We have been actively involved in her care throughout her life (she's turning 11 in the fall) and treasure that time. Now we are retiring and have sold our condo and are moving to a relatively remote island (ferry access).

On the one hand I do feel that we are, to a degree, abandoning them, and they will surely miss the child care and other support we've offered over the past decade or more, but at the end of the day I think you have to do what makes you (and/or your spouse) happy. We are anxious to leave the city bustle and look forward to the rural quiet. Our granddaughter will soon be in her teens and likely more involved with friends and other activities anyhow, and they do have the means to visit, either by ferry or by their own boat so we expect we'll still see them monthly anyhow - and we can always hop on the boat or the ferry and go to them.

Not the same situation, but to a degree the same conundrum.. We are hoping that things will work out and we won't go into 'withdrawal'


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## fallard

Social media does not substitute for a hug. We (grandparents) did Skype for a while with a distant son, DIL, and grandchild, but it isn’t the same as in-person contact. We dropped Skype within a year and make do with the semi annual visits back and forth. OTOH, we are in frequent, in-person contact with another son and his family that are only 25 minutes away. They chose to live in in proximity to us—close enough for baby sitting service as the grandkids were growing up and later for the dog when they go on family trips. 

That said, the dog went into the kennel when we’ve taken the kids and grandkids on several bareboat charters in the Virgin Islands. Had a great time and created some wonderful memories.

Agree that you need to make decisions for yourselves and not feel guilty with some degree of separation. As the grandparents get older, though, time is running out for them, so that ought to be in the equation somewhere.


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## caberg

Our son is 8 and we've lived 5 minutes from my parents his whole life and he spends time weekly with them, going there after school usually at least once a week. My wife and I get to travel on our own a few times a year, in addition to our family vacations with our son during school breaks. My Dad and I invest together (he's the capital, I'm the labor) and have done well with some side real estate stuff, but it's also fun for us. Life has been great and I wouldn't change a thing. We're very lucky. 

But I do think we could take off for a couple years, and the relationships we have with family wouldn't suffer because they are so strong. For you, I'd say go now and make up for lost time starting when your kid is 5-6, which is when grandkids start feeling less like babysitting for grandparents. 

For us we're talking about a sabbatical of sorts when our son is in middle school, which we figure is a good time for a kid to escape formal schooling for awhile. I just hope both my parents are healthy and doing well because if not it will be a difficult decision to make.


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## jephotog

I moved to Jackson Wy for the first time 20+ years ago. One of my closest friends from here was raised on a boat when her dad got the bug. She is one of the most strong willed, independent person I know. She worked on fish processing boats in Alaska and Russia to pay for the log cabin she built with help of a log builder. I think it's even more of a great thing today to be able to expose a child to the adventures of a cruise, away from WIFI and the other ills of modern society.

Hopefully your parents can fly down and visit you in ports along the way.


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## jephotog

Faster said:


> We're in a bit of a 'flip side' situation.
> 
> We are extremely close to our son, DIL and our (only) granddaughter. We have been actively involved in her care throughout her life (she's turning 11 in the fall) and treasure that time. Now we are retiring and have sold our condo and are moving to a relatively remote island (ferry access).


Hi Ron,

I visited BC last summer and was so intrigued by the lifestyle of island life. I have been contemplating my next trip up there whether it be by boat, kayak or car, it is truly a beautiful place and lifestyle. 
Congratulations on the upcoming island retirement.


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## Faster

jephotog said:


> Hi Ron,
> 
> I visited BC last summer and was so intrigued by the lifestyle of island life. I have been contemplating my next trip up there whether it be by boat, kayak or car, it is truly a beautiful place and lifestyle.
> Congratulations on the upcoming island retirement.


Thanks Jordan... if you come back this way let us know..


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## PatWarden

To say sailing across the country is entirely your decision, and you are thinking about grandparents shows that you are also worried about them. You can take them with you if their health allows them so that they will not be left behind and you can also enjoy your cruising. It would be better if you talk to them and discuss about your planning and make certain changes so that it can satisfy both you and them.


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## SanderO

It's about the child. For some this is an excellent life experience. For others it's difficult isolating them from their friends and all manner of traditional activities and family events. Children are too young to decide. You need to consider them first and postpone your fun if need be. Maybe seek professional advice from shrinks and teachers and others who have done this.


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## MachewTexas

A previous comment mentioned middle school being a good time to pull out of formal schooling and spend a few years cruising.

I've been an educator for 15 years now in all grade levels, and I have to agree with those thoughts. They've had the social normalization through elementary and most of middle school is a whirlwind of chaos. Picking back up with dating and friends in high school is not hard to do.

Plus, with world travel, a 15 year old is going to have a very special perspective on life and people.

Good luck with your decision (I'm deciding the same with my family) 😀


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## SanderO

I've met families with infants and toddlers and older up to 10 on boats. They all seemed fine. But these were intelligent children who adjusted well. I don't know if this would always be the case. As much as grand kids may have fun on the boat my sense is that having them live aboard may not be the best for them. But it's hard to tell. Adults who go live aboard know life on dirt and have been there done that and seek the life on blue for many reasons. A decision to leave dirt is an informed one and not made lightly. Of course parents decide much for their minor children. For sure you kinda of deprive them of relationships with extended family when you take them to blue.

My sense is that they should be at least 10 or older and want to go and for the right reasons... not done impulsively lacking critical thinking as is the hallmark of children. I would consult their teachers and guidance counselor in making the decision.


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## capecodda

IMHO, the decision to go long term long distance cruising is a decision to a "not insignificant extent" to leave friends, family, and traditional work behind. We can argue as to the extent and relevance of this to any individual's situation. I'm not offering judgement, only the OP can decide how much this matters to them.

IMHO, when contemplating this, try a few months aboard before you sell the farm and see how it works for you.

We decided not to go. Not because we decided to live someone else's life, because it's our life and our friends, family and even work was important to us. 

Paradise is not someplace you go, and definitely not someplace you can run away to. It's in your head.

Each of us has to decide where that is for us.


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## SanderO

capecodda said:


> IMHO, the decision to go long term long distance cruising is a decision to a "not insignificant extent" to leave friends, family, and traditional work behind. We can argue as to the extent and relevance of this to any individual's situation. I'm not offering judgement, only the OP can decide how much this matters to them.
> 
> IMHO, when contemplating this, try a few months aboard before you sell the farm and see how it works for you.
> 
> We decided not to go. Not because we decided to live someone else's life, because it's our life and our friends, family and even work was important to us.
> 
> Paradise is not someplace you go, and definitely not someplace you can run away to. It's in your head.
> 
> Each of us has to decide where that is for us.


Sage advice here. Sailing to escape the hum drum doesn't mean sailing off to the ends of the earth. For example it's certainly possible for someone who lives in say Southern NE to sell the *farm* and move aboard and cruise from Maine to FL.. still a train or plane trip back to family and friends.

If you need to experience the tropics... do a winter down there... do several.

There are some destinations that are very long sails and deep commitments. You need to think long and hard about setting off on a journey of years to be in some exotic place... one that you can fly to.


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## chall03

We did this. 

Initially with our 6 month old for the better part of a year and my parents were also 'actively involved' grandparents. I would be lying if I didn't admit it was emotionally hard at the time. However they were supportive of us living our adventure and I that helped.

We organised a mid cruise meet up with them which was also a great opportunity for them to join us onboard and experience our chosen lifestyle and this helped. 

I guess it is sometimes unhelpful to think of this as one or the other, all or nothing. I would suggest consider what typing of cruising do you want to do? For how long? What opportunities are there for meet ups or trips home? 

We are about to do this again now with a 8 and 4 year old and can sympathise with how you are feeling. 

And well.....we have decided we would like to have our cake and eat it too thanks 

So for us it will be a 2 year 'sabbatical' cruise to begin with. We will be starting in the Med sailing towards Australia and my parents are going to help me sort out the boat in Malta and we will all actually do some cruising together in the Med. I have also budgeted for the cost of (expensive) flights back to Australia to spend Christmas with the grandparents. Our experience has been these little breaks from cruising to catch up with family and friends back 'home' helps us enjoy the lifestyle and want to keep doing it. Also we do know for financial reasons we won't be cruising non stop for the next two decades. So this is a season of cruising and there will be another season that will have more time for family. Meanwhile we blog. I take photos. We Skype and we email. Thats our plans. Highly subject to change and hey YMMV.

We have also thought about from another perspective. 

Our parents are advancing in years but are lucky to still enjoy relative good health. While this is so we are 'seizing the day' to go cruising, and are fortunate that they also can join us for short periods. A point will however probably come though when their health will deteriorate and for me with a close relationship with my parents, I will want/need to be there for them and at that point I would find it hard to just sail over the horizon. 

Obviously this is very individualistic, no right or wrong, everyone's situation is unique and ultimately whatever you decide is right for you and your family is right for you and your family.


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## Klazien1711

CWeatherly said:


> Hi Everyone,
> I am looking for some advice, mainly from those with children who have moved aboard and gone cruising. My wife and I have the skills, means, and desire to move aboard and take our son ( who will be 3) cruising. However, we both have very close families, and on my side our son is the only grandchild.
> 
> My question is how did you decide that leaving behind family, especially grandparents, was worth it to cruise with your children? Also, for those who are out there now, do you think the time and experiences shared with your children made cruising the right choice?


Hi,
A similar question is: We are grandparents of two lovely grandchildren (which we are looking after 1 day a week) and want to set sail for a longer period now that we are both retired and newly have an own boat on the meditaranean sea...." For me it is up to us to decide how long we are willing to "leave" them for a while. We discussed it also with our daughter. In her oppinion we should not relequish on our dreams to set sail for a while. So its up to us... the dilemma of seeing the grandchildren regulary and beeing away for several month, leaving our daughter with the problem of finding other babysitters. But having the grandchildren made one decision easy: we will not sail arround the world and be away for years.


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## chall03

Great photos!!

Is there opportunity for them to join you for a time onboard in the Med? We have found sailing around the Med with my children ( and parents onboard at times) to be a lot of fun.


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## SanderO

Our older grand children ...girls less than 10 yrs old love to be on the boat. Granny is extremely worried that something will happen,,, more so than her normal paranoia on dirt. The boat is a play house for them and they of course open every door they can find.


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## Klazien1711

chall03 said:


> Great photos!!
> 
> Is there opportunity for them to join you for a time onboard in the Med? We have found sailing around the Med with my children ( and parents onboard at times) to be a lot of fun.


There were some plans that our daughter and the grandchildren would visit us in Greece this year, but Corona makes all planning inpossible. At the moment we are not allowed to get to our boat in Italy, and there is still so much to do before we even can start sailing.... probably this year just arround Italy as Corona makes country crossing within Europe very complex with negative Corona tests, Quarantaine etc etc.....but they do come with us for day trips on the lake of Neuchatel, which is a good alternative so far.


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## Ina

Oh that's a really good question, honestly.

I'd say that today we aren't like we were in, say, the 1960's or so. At that time, if you left the family to get cruising, you would only be calling them at the next port. But today, you've got Skype, and social platforms that make it really easier to keep in touch with your family.

So I'd tell you:

1) It's all about planning it in advance. If you figure a way to Skype or Facebook your parents, you won't feel like they're so far away.

2) The son is still a child. Mmmh, if he was like, say, 10 + years old, I'd ask his take on this, but if you see that he grows up and doesn't enjoy the cruising life like you do, there is always a way to come back and end the journey.

3) You know what the best about parents? It's what they give us: values, knowledge, but also, some of their passions. Well how will your son love to cruise if he doesn't get to live it?

4) Your son won't be far away from the rest of the family forever. (Unless you have a couple of hundred of thousand $, he'll need to pass university exams, then work at least for a few years). During that time, he'll get to see the grandparents...

5) It's honestly probably better for you to transmit to your son your talents, your interests, than to be stuck with a life in which you'd have less pleasure, and feel constrained by other family members. Remember, they are there to back you, not to hold you back...


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