# Indecision may or may not be my problem



## Hush34 (Dec 12, 2013)

My wife and I sold our PSC34 some three years ago when my father-in-law became terminally ill. Today I am at a crossroad in my life. At 58 I am blessed to be retired with a relatively nice pension, and some doubloons in the bank. We are traveling in an RV and I soooo long for the sea. I asked my better half about going back to the sea was an option in her book. Her reply was "you have done much for the family, I will have to pull up my big girl pants and do this thing." I years of reading at this website caused panic alarms to go off in my head. 

Question: Should I make my wife of 39 years "pull up her big girl pants" or just write this dream of mine off and move on?


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## RegisteredUser (Aug 16, 2010)

Have both...rv and boats


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## caberg (Jul 26, 2012)

I don't know how anyone here could answer this question for you as it does not really have anything to do with sailing.

But regardless, I do feel there are a lot of compromises in life and marriage and I am sure there is something that can work for both of you. I mean, you must have figured this out to some extent after 39 years of marriage.

For starters, if you are based in Orlando, heck buy a boat and hop over to the Bahamas for a few months each winter.


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## MarkofSeaLife (Nov 7, 2010)

Many diseases are in some way heriditory, if not genetic then by family lifestyle.
This means you may well die at your father's age. 

So calculate to that point. Some cultures find this gruesome but you might need to pull your big boy pants up and assess it properly.

My Dad died at 65 when I was 25 and I always knew I would be dead about 65.

So at 48 I started to live *MY* life. 
I'm now 59 11/12ths
I go to the gym each day, have a Zero CAC score for arterial calcium.
There is a very real probability - not 'possiblity' - that I will live longer that my Dad... But every day after I'm 65 will be Cream on my Cake of Life. Plus the 17 extra retirement years. 

As Caberg said, I can't advise you what decision to make, but I can sure as hell tell you both to stop wasting your lives pondering. Make a decision to enjoy every moment to the max. Then work out if that's in an RV or a boat, or an igloo on the tundra in Norway. It's your life, you can do anything! 


Mark


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## PhilCarlson (Dec 14, 2013)

Not knowing you or your wife, and being quite expert at marriages that don't work, I cannot provide any insight into what she meant. 

However, I urge extreme caution regarding the idea of "...just write this dream of mine off and move on?" If it's really a dream, and you really have that longing, your risk resenting a decision to give it up. Not something I'd want eating at me over the last 30 years of my life. 

It's been said that our greatest regrets at the end are of those things we didn't do.

Sounds like a serious heart to heart between you and the Admiral is due.


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## Degas (Nov 15, 2010)

I can't answer that for you.

My story: I sailed on the Great Lakes since high school. I dropped it to spend a couple of decades on career, marriage, kids, and mortgage. I eventually got a small boat on a small lake but it was never the fix I needed.

The bad news: Two years ago a good friend died unexpectedly. The saddest kick in the ass that life is short. 

The good news: My wife scolded me for years of putting off returning to the Great Lakes. Well, I bought my Great Lakes Cruiser (GLC) this year. I'll be living aboard this September, bumping around Lake Ontario.

What I learned: My wife was right about calling me out on my idiocy. And the Great Lakes still rock.

P.S. I'm guessing you already made your decision. You just want us to kick you in the ass.


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

I noted that you had a sailboat, but has your wife ever been cruising? Would a bareboat in the Caribbean be a good idea? She sounds willing and maybe she’ll take more to it. A 34ft boat would be pretty tough for a retired couple to cruise on. It’s done, but it’s more like camping. Charter something more comfortable.

No way I could say what’s right here. I know several couples, where one is making a sacrifice for the other. Can’t say how that will play out in the long run.


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## caberg (Jul 26, 2012)

Minnewaska said:


> A 34ft boat would be pretty tough for a retired couple to cruise on. It's done, but it's more like camping.


That's a pretty broad statement and I would have to disagree. I think I know more couples who would rather cruise on a PSC 34 than a Jenneau 54, at least if you're talking about "going to sea" like the OP and making long passages. Bigger may be more comfortable at anchor or dock, but definitely not always better for 2 people who want to be on the move and travel long distances.


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## JimsCAL (May 23, 2007)

Since she is used to an RV, it's not that big a transition to a cruising sailboat. I do like the idea of both if you can afford it.


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

I wanted to have a boat built for me having only had used boats in the past. I then wanted to sail the Caribbean then go through the canal and do the South Pacific. I didn’t want a house.
But marriage is comprise. You need to make several decisions 
What’s more important to you. Happy wife Happy life or spitting up the anchor.
Can you comprise? Can she?
If not one of you is going to give up a dream and the other be resentful for as long as you are together or there’s a lawyer in your future.
If you both can comprise do a variant of what we did.
She got a house. I got a boat. We are in the house for hurricane season and on the boat for the rest.
For you it would be RV for hurricane season and boat the rest.
I gave up dreams of the South Pacific but she’s on the boat and we remain with a happy, functional marriage. When either of us ***** the other points out the sacrifice they made and it stops immediately. So far in decades of marriage we haven’t had a fight and start and end every day with a kiss(and mean it).


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## Hush34 (Dec 12, 2013)

Really never thought of it that way....My father died at 75, I am 58 guess I have 17 or so years before I hit the bonus round. Thanks for the response you are very wise.


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

Autocorrect sucks. Compromise


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## SanderO (Jul 12, 2007)

Advice is not worth the paper it's written on. My experience was that when my parents died at around 70... I was aware that they hadn't done anything off the grid so to speak... and I thought that is something for younger people. I couldn't see my parents going saying even in the early 60s or late 50s. Not something that would appeal to them. I've seen a lot of old salts still at it. It's more active than most any retirement lifestyle... more physically demanding and so on. All the challenges have been discussed on this forums and elsewhere.

I / we still sail... and love the quality time on the water and on the boat. We mini cruise or just get away from "urban" living for a bit. It's refreshing.... but as I said takes work too. Even with my experience of single handing and ocean passages and cruising in the tropics I don't think I would undertake this life style at this stage of my life. But I think owning a boat and local cruising or perhaps chartering in the tropics might be a decent alternative to land on dirt 100% of the time.

My sense is that we are younger we deal with a lot of stimulation of all sorts and the older we get the less we have this sort of stimulation (and challenges). And that's not a great thing. So in a sense taking up an active lifestyle like boating... is probably a good thing. But I would also think limiting the "dreams" or goals would be in order. RV is much less active in many ways than sailing.


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

caberg said:


> That's a pretty broad statement and I would have to disagree. I think I know more couples who would rather cruise on a PSC 34 than a Jenneau 54, at least if you're talking about "going to sea" like the OP and making long passages. Bigger may be more comfortable at anchor or dock, but definitely not always better for 2 people who want to be on the move and travel long distances.


I suppose it was broad, but I certainly didn't say or even imply they would need a 54 ft boat to be comfortable.

I said "for a retired couple" rather than the direct point you didn't seem to pick up on. As we get older, it's harder to sleep in a small bunk, climb past your spouse to use the head in the middle of the night, duck under everything, live without some creature comforts, etc. I've been in RVs (as opposed to pop up trailers), they are all more comfortable than a 34 ft sailboat. By and large, RVs spend their evenings attached to power and have access to shore facilities. Most of us enjoy the self sufficient, even slightly survivalist aspect of cruising. I don't know if the 34 had refrigeration, let alone hot water. But, it doesn't have to be that way. You generally need to get to about 40ft before you have a generator locker, for example. Most RVs seem to have generators.

My point was to ask whether the wife was solely thinking of what life would be like aboard a 34ft boat for a lengthy cruise. They are many more options and I thought a bareboat may be a good way to experience it, if she never has.

...........as an aside to your jab, there isn't a 34ft boat on the planet I would take to sea before ours :wink


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

Take a look at the Lyle Hess channel cutter yachts 34’. With a little tweaking quite acceptable.


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## RegisteredUser (Aug 16, 2010)

Just buy her an upper 30s catamaran and be done with it.
No struggles...rv on water


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## MikeOReilly (Apr 12, 2010)

How much cruising did BOTH of you do when you owned the 34-footer? And by cruise I mean living and travelling for many weeks, preferably many months, t a time. Do you both have the experience to know if it is a lifestyle that makes sense? 

If the honest answer is no, then I'd suggest getting that experience first before making any big decisions.

The other thing is that you can do both. RV life and cruising can easily fit together.

Finally, nothing is forever. You could try the cruising life as a trial period with the understanding that you'll change if it doesn't work out.

The RV life has much in common with the cruising life, but it very much depends on how you've RVed. If you've travelled from serviced campground to serviced campground in a big Class A, then you're likely going to need a large, well-endowed boat. And you'll likely be spending more time at the dock than on anchor. 

Point is, we don't really when we retire, or go to sea, or move into an RV. If you and yours need a big, fancy house, then you're going to be most comfortable in a big fancy RV in an serviced park, and likewise a boat. If you're used to having all the amenities of modern life close by, then you'll want a large 50+ foot boat to spend most of your time in a full service marina. 

No right or wrong answer -- just right or wrong for you and yours. And only you can know what to choose.


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## Siamese (May 9, 2007)

I think you're looking at this as an all or nothing decision, and it doesn't have to be.

I live on the channel between Lake Michigan and Muskegon Lake. Living expenses are reasonable here. 

12 miles away, my travel trailer sits in a storage lot waiting for use. We spend a month during the winter down in Mobile, Alabama. Cute little campground with full hookups for $150 per week right on the Dog River off Mobile bay. Yeah, we take the kayaks. In the fall, we take a couple weeks for a short trip to Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Tennessee, or wherever. We use it for the occasional weekend trip in the summer.

Our house is adjacent to a marina where we keep our 28' Catalina MKII. We mostly daysail, but use it for trips to ports on Lake Michigan. Ever notice that some boats in the marina get used while others sit at the slip. This boat goes out a LOT. I singlehand, or take my wife, and we use it with extended family for sailing and a party barge. 

In my garage, there's a nice, Italian motorcycle that gets a lot of use on the back roads.

Oh, and in the basement, there's a Fender Stratocaster and amp just for fun. 

And, two awesome siamese cats that love to go camping. Sailing, not so much. 

Did I mention that in the winter, we go to the local archery club and punch holes in paper with our recurve bows? 

We're not rich, but we often remark on our good fortune. What we've done is engineer our lives to allow balance, and opportunity. 

If I was stuck on a sailboat in the tropics, where would I keep my collection of post WWII Japanese sewing machines? We're all different. Obviously. I marvel that some people are happy committing to a cruising lifestyle. To me, it looks like a blast for a month, and then.....meh. Hardly a day would go by that I would want to do something, only to realize that nope, it won't fit on the boat. 

Diversify.


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

Or be obsessive. Some are jacks of all trades masters of none. I’ve believed there’s an upside to being obsessive. Wanting to know the history and all the details of a particular avocation.
Personally have gone through various obsessions. Sure some remain and are continued but some lose their shine.
Have been obsessed by sailing since being a late teenager. Have gone through phrf, one design, then open ocean racing (Bermuda’s and Halifax etc.). Still learning and still sailing. Still prefer passages to coastal.
But once had 5 bikes in the garage at one time (road glide, ktm 990, wing, duc, and the wife’s). Now have none. Used to rock/ice climb. Now “what was I thinking “. Used to ski and snowmobile. Now hate cold. Have a full furniture wood shop and a full metal shop. The big pieces are gone (welder, compressors etc.) the rest pulled out when the honeydew list demands it. 
Was in a big house with a good size garden. Both gone. 
Still have the guns and compound bow but the tree stands are gone and didn’t buy a combo license this year for the first time in decades. 
Some of us get totally immersed in an avocation and find maximum enjoyment that way. There’s nothing wrong with that. Whatever floats your boat it’s all good. 
I can’t imagine life not being on the boat for uninterrupted stretches of months. Hell, it takes a week or two to just get into the rhythm of boat life and leave all the meaningless crap behind. Just worry about real things ( clean water, good weather, adequate food, functional safe boat). They say a man who has been to sea is ruined for a life on land. They weren’t just talking about your net worth. 
I don’t know what’s it’s like to pilot a airplane. I do know some people will spend all their money and all their time at it. They find joy. They aren’t hurting anyone. Long range/lone term cruising is like that. Before you write it off do it. You might be surprised that there’s always something to do . Always a new challenge. Always a new place to go. Always something to learn.


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## OldMan-theSea (May 20, 2019)

Hush34 said:


> "you have done much for the family, I will have to pull up my big girl pants and do this thing."


Translation: "I don't want to do this but, if you insist, I will. And, I'll remind you almost every day."


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## chef2sail (Nov 27, 2007)

SanderO said:


> Advice is not worth the paper it's written on. My experience was that when my parents died at around 70... I was aware that they hadn't done anything off the grid so to speak... and I thought that is something for younger people. I couldn't see my parents going saying even in the early 60s or late 50s. Not something that would appeal to them. I've seen a lot of old salts still at it. It's more active than most any retirement lifestyle... more physically demanding and so on. All the challenges have been discussed on this forums and elsewhere.
> 
> I / we still sail... and love the quality time on the water and on the boat. We mini cruise or just get away from "urban" living for a bit. It's refreshing.... but as I said takes work too. Even with my experience of single handing and ocean passages and cruising in the tropics I don't think I would undertake this life style at this stage of my life. But I think owning a boat and local cruising or perhaps chartering in the tropics might be a decent alternative to land on dirt 100% of the time.
> 
> My sense is that we are younger we deal with a lot of stimulation of all sorts and the older we get the less we have this sort of stimulation (and challenges). And that's not a great thing. So in a sense taking up an active lifestyle like boating... is probably a good thing. But I would also think limiting the "dreams" or goals would be in order. RV is much less active in many ways than sailing.


Totally agreee


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## chef2sail (Nov 27, 2007)

Siamese said:


> I think you're looking at this as an all or nothing decision, and it doesn't have to be.
> 
> I live on the channel between Lake Michigan and Muskegon Lake. Living expenses are reasonable here.
> 
> ...


I like this approach as it speaks to my wife and I. We love our land trips too much to give them up for only a cruising lifestyle. I say do both.

We are contemplating buying a 32 ft trailer right now as we come up on retirement as Haleakula is long paid for. We won't be campground people and prefer large vistas.

To us having the balance of both seems to be the perfect compromise to my wife's wishes and mine. She Loves sailing and is quite a partner on the boat
But sailing is definitely my passion though she really shares it. She makes all our canvas and has really been a good sport in our shared passion.

Many of my friends wives either don't go out often or at all sailing.

However she longs to see and explore Canada and the US. I'd don't look at it as compromising but being able to compromise our individual wants.


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## RegisteredUser (Aug 16, 2010)

Do a Del Webb and engage in heated discussions at the 19th hole about cart modifications


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

outbound said:


> Take a look at the Lyle Hess channel cutter yachts 34'. With a little tweaking quite acceptable.


Cool boats, but where does one sleep in it? The quarter berth? How about a shower. Wouldn't be my choice for a retirement cruiser.

https://www.yachtworld.com/boats/2016/falmouth-cutter-34-lyle-hess--3177299/


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## MarkofSeaLife (Nov 7, 2010)

Minnewaska said:


> Wouldn't be my choice for a retirement cruiser.
> 
> https://www.yachtworld.com/boats/2016/falmouth-cutter-34-lyle-hess--3177299/


That's not a retirement. That's a sentence.

.


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## krisscross (Feb 22, 2013)

Mr. Hush, if you worry about how your wife will take the cruising lifestyle, may I remind you that so much power is in your hands regarding her experience. Make it a lot of fun for her, indulge her in things she likes, avoid things she doesn’t like and who knows, that may turn into a wonderful experience for both of you. Having some money very much makes it possible. Go easy, go in style, celebrate every day you are both alive and kicking. Having company while cruising can be just fabulous. So reward her, and yourself, for embarking on this adventure. And best of luck to you and your wife!


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## hpeer (May 14, 2005)

Yeah, no right answer. Your Wife, your life, your problem. But even you can’t answer this one, you and your Wife need to figure it out.

My sorry, short version.......we fought (and I mean FOUGHT) for years about retirement. And my Wife used to get sea sick, like she literally could not stand on a floating dock. 

Today we are retired and have 2 boats and live aboard for about half a year. Thanks in no small part to an excellent (rare as hens teeth) marriage counselor. She frequently tells people it’s my dream not hers, complains about the life style, lack of convenience, yada, yada, yada. BUT ask her what SHE wants do and mums the word. In short she likes to ***** about the things we do but has come to realize it’s the best we can do and it’s pretty good, better than anything she can come up with. We both know this, I agree to listen to her ***** and she agrees to stay with me. We both get to like what we do I guess. 

I’m being dead serious, we tested those limits this year. I wanted a longer trip than she was comfortable with, she drew that line, I respected that decision. My trip didn’t go well and got aborted, she flew to my rescue and is tirelessly assisting in the recovery. It’s working out, we are a team, a weird and clunky and very noisy team, but both happy in our own way. 

Let us know how your story works out. They are all different. 

One final comment. I find Cruising couples are something special. They find a way to get along and I think it really adds to their life. Not always, but generally, by and large as they say.


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## Hush34 (Dec 12, 2013)

hpeer said:


> Yeah, no right answer. Your Wife, your life, your problem. But even you can't answer this one, you and your Wife need to figure it out.
> 
> My sorry, short version.......we fought (and I mean FOUGHT) for years about retirement. And my Wife used to get sea sick, like she literally could not stand on a floating dock.
> 
> ...


Your experience is probably what I can expect. She may put her big girl pants on, but she isn't going let me know she is wearing them. I guess my biggest dilemma is whether or not it is wise to take someone along on an adventure that really doesn't want to be there. My Admiral is very much the doting grandmother and that's what I think largely contributes to her lack of willingness. Have to make a decision soon, clock is ticking.


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

Fortunately you can work it out. Every year I would leave with crew and sail from Newport to the Caribbean late May. Then return late October/early November. This year just left the boat in Grenada after realizing she doesn’t get used much in the summer. However next spring will probably sail her back to New England and restart the biannual migration. The break was due to a new house and a new additional grandchild. 
Point being the wife only did one passage then said she wouldn’t do another so you make other plans.
Also to keep the home fires burning we come home for Christmas. Sock in a lot of kid and grandkid time. Also try to have a week or two of them on the boat. Usually on spring school break. 
Right now just came home from a walk through the local state park with my youngest daughter carrying her 6 1/2 month daughter. It was awesome playing with my granddaughter and having the kind of conversation with my daughter you only have when you’re alone together just walking along.
It’s no hardship having descendants rather it’s a joy. They aren’t taking you away from sailing but rather making that time and time with them both more meaningful. Over time my wife has started to see it that way. That’s where a little energy should be spent.


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## JamesLD (Jul 16, 2019)

I can't be of any help with your life decision, but I DO love the title of this thread as it make me chuckle every time I read it! :laugh

Jim


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## RegisteredUser (Aug 16, 2010)

Move from house to rv is not very difficult. But there are some challenges.
Yes, there are sometimes tight orange cones in construction zones, sometimes you need to drive into the sun...sucks, and you give up the ability to hit taco bell drive thrus at 10pm. 
Start the move to water in shortish trips/sails.
Then grow as she is willing and comfortable
Youre in a great position in life.
You have choices


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## alanr77 (Jul 24, 2009)

Oh boy, this thread can go a million directions. 

A while back I created a hypothetical what if thread regarding large complicated boats. It got heated (my fault I think) and in the end I went with the 34’ boat with nice but simple systems. 

The key thing IMO is to only go as big as you can handle at the dock by yourself. Remember you are NOT living in a house. It’s a sailboat. The whole idea isn’t (IMO) to sit inside of it with your AC and gen set running like a hermit. It’s a means to get you places and escape whatever “normal” you’re trying to escape. I know many couples with large, super complex yet “has everything we had at home and we were able to bring everything from home with us” boats that sit at the dock. The owners can’t manage them by themselves and require help. I can handle my boat alone around docks, manage the maintenance myself, handle her in most typical weather conditions not to mention afford to keep her in tip top shape so Mr Murphy stays away. 

@Minnie- I have guests all the time and no one has to climb over anything to use anything. Plus if you do fall, you don’t have far to fall. And yes I have cold beer. I usually sleep in the pilot berth unless I have a guest and have no issues with it. I can promise my body is WAY more torn up than the typical 65yo. But to each their own and YMMV as it is with everything. 

Like many have said you know your situation and no one can answer these things for you. You already had what many would consider a perfect cruising boat for two. Perhaps look into buying another?

PS: Im not saying you can’t do it on a huge boat, many many do. I know because I end up drinking and eating in their cockpits because they take pity on me or something (jk)....we’ll not about the drinking and eating. Kinda like house parties, it’s ALWAYS better to party in someone else’s house........AA


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## SloopJonB (Jun 6, 2011)

Why does she need Big Girl Pants? 

Ocean crossings? 

Just living on a boat?

Scared of being alone if you get hurt or croak?

First thing I'd do is ask her exactly what she meant by it.


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

alanr77 said:


> [email protected] I have guests all the time and no one has to climb over anything to use anything. Plus if you do fall, you don't have far to fall. And yes I have cold beer. I usually sleep in the pilot berth unless I have a guest and have no issues with it. I can promise my body is WAY more torn up than the typical 65yo. But to each their own and YMMV as it is with everything.......


I can see now that those with 30 something boats took offense at me just suggesting the OP's wife may have found their old boat to lack the comfort of their RV. I didn't mean to suggest all these boats were somehow inferior. I even started to write up a post on how much I really like our friend's Niagara 35 Encore. I stopped, because I realized I was defending something I didn't do, or intend to do.

That said, the reverse implication that larger boats are unmanageable is wrong. I read all the time that 50 ft boats never leave the slip. The larger boats are always out in our marina. We spend a few days of every single week off the dock and it's certainly not hunkered down in the AC. We sail everywhere.

Again, one does not need a 54 to regain some creature comforts. I certainly know several wives of sailing buddies, who aren't going away for weeks/months, without access to a hairdryer. Easily criticizable, but they are still adventurous and willing, with the right accommodation. The OP describes his wife as the dotting a Grandmother. Having a boat the kids and grandkids find comfortable to come along or meet up can change the calculus too. To each their own.


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## alanr77 (Jul 24, 2009)

Minnewaska said:


> alanr77 said:
> 
> 
> > [email protected] I have guests all the time and no one has to climb over anything to use anything. Plus if you do fall, you don't have far to fall. And yes I have cold beer. I usually sleep in the pilot berth unless I have a guest and have no issues with it. I can promise my body is WAY more torn up than the typical 65yo. But to each their own and YMMV as it is with everything.......
> ...


Hey bud no offense taken at all ?. I was simply presenting an alternate point of view. I dealt with the "wife wants 40'+" conundrum myself a while back. She was like "oh look at all the room!" and I was thinking "what the hell do I need all this room for?" Lol.

I was simply suggesting that the OP consider not buying the largest boat they can afford based on wife comfort and instead consider buying the smallest boat they can be comfortable on, considering it is not a house, but a sailboat. ??AA


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

Big cruising boats sail more. Period!!! Prior statement suggests poster hasn’t observed actual cruising behavior. 

What non cruisers don’t realize is you go months between time in a slip or going to the fuel dock. Months!!! With the larger boat you have more lwl. Don’t care what keel, how old, what rig, what brand. You have more hull speed, your range in a days work is greater, you can be safe and COMFORTABLE in higher winds and bigger seas.

Bigger boats are EASIER to sail. Yes harder to do low speed maneuvering under power but easier to sail. My boat at 46’ is always singled even when others on board. Everything is brought aft. The winches are powered. Unlike a small boat the platform is much more stable and behavior more predictable. Things happen slower and it’s easier to prepare for an evolution such as a tack, gybe or reef. Also when you screw up there’s less risk. No knockdowns, no broaching no excitement. Just sort your self out and carry on.

Big boats are easier to anchor. Bigger stuff means bigger anchors means easier to catch and hold without dragging. Bigger boat means you can carry more chain. Anchoring in 40-50’ is no biggie.
Getting positioned is easier and staying where you want while dropping or retrieving is easier as well.

Sure you can have to much of a good thing. Sails to big to get on/off the boat. Boat to big that just getting out a winch handle when the power fails. But for a mom and pop that’s probably in the neighborhood of 46-52’ depending on rig. For split rigs see couples on mid 60’s without any drama.

P.S.- regardless of size every inch is filled. Tools, stores, toys, spares. Oh, and it’s a big deal for visiting family to have their own stateroom and private head.


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## alanr77 (Jul 24, 2009)

outbound said:


> Big cruising boats sail more. Period!!! Prior statement suggests poster hasn't observed actual cruising behavior.
> 
> What non cruisers don't realize is you go months between time in a slip or going to the fuel dock. Months!!! With the larger boat you have more lwl. Don't care what keel, how old, what rig, what brand. You have more hull speed, your range in a days work is greater, you can be safe and COMFORTABLE in higher winds and bigger seas.
> 
> ...


You and I will always see some things differently Doctor. I wouldn't have wrote it if it wasn't my experience. No suggestions necessary. Big boats cruise more because older people with more money and stuff are the ones mostly cruising.....How do I know? Perhaps I spent hundreds of hours repairing their 10,000 hour diesels along the ICW every year while admiring the fact they could afford new sails every year because they always had brand new looking sails..........the OP said his wife would have to adjust; which led to a bunch of suggestions to buy a giant boat loaded with everything from home. To say that is the only way is being disingenuous. There are many ways. I offered a different one.

Anyway, my opinion, simply offering an alternative viewpoint based on the fact the OP had a wonderful 34' cruising boat.....You are always right in your world as I am always right in mine. Lol. ?

Some people look at SV Delos as a role model, some look at James Baldwin and Atom.....I prefer Atom....though I do enjoy looking at your pretty Yachts as they go by. ?


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

Yes they do. I loved my 34’ pacific sea craft. Wife still misses it. Could sneak into just about anywhere. We would do one to two week stint on her. Low stress craft and well put together. Apologies for having an attitude. Just was on the receiving side of “why do big” rant two days ago. When in actuality we are on the small side for current cruising boats. So it rolled down hill on you. My bad.


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## RegisteredUser (Aug 16, 2010)

Dont worry. 70 will be the new black soon enuff.
Only a 46er, huh?...


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

Yup. Small by current standards but just right for mom and pop.


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## MikeOReilly (Apr 12, 2010)

Get what you (and yours) NEEDS. Everyone has opinions about what they think you need. This is necessarily based on what they (including me) need. Some need a big boat, some a small. Some need all the comforts of a land home. Some are happy with less. There's no one right answer.

That's why asked if the OP and his wife have enough to know. If not, then I suggest getting more experience with BOTH he and she. This way the OP will actually learn the answer to his question, and not rely on the wisdom of anonymous netizens.


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## alanr77 (Jul 24, 2009)

outbound said:


> Yes they do. I loved my 34' pacific sea craft. Wife still misses it. Could sneak into just about anywhere. We would do one to two week stint on her. Low stress craft and well put together. Apologies for having an attitude. Just was on the receiving side of "why do big" rant two days ago. When in actuality we are on the small side for current cruising boats. So it rolled down hill on you. My bad.


No worries OB, if I ever run into you I'll buy you a drink. I suppose it has a lot to do with "where" we are as well. I poke around bays, rivers, coastal haunts and lakes so perhaps I see more under 40'ers. Great conversations to have on the aft deck but I suppose not so much on a forum. Funny though that we all jumped right to boat size with regard to the OP's wife's statement. I guess we need to find out what "putting on the big girl pants" means from her point of view. Was it actually creature comforts that she was referring to? AA


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## alanr77 (Jul 24, 2009)

MikeOReilly said:


> Get what you (and yours) NEEDS. Everyone has opinions about what they think you need. This is necessarily based on what they (including me) need. Some need a big boat, some a small. Some need all the comforts of a land home. Some are happy with less. There's no one right answer.
> 
> That's why asked if the OP and his wife have enough to know. If not, then I suggest getting more experience with BOTH he and she. This way the OP will actually learn the answer to his question, and not rely on the wisdom of anonymous netizens.


What! These netizens are INCREDIBLY wise, and the more we drink the wiser we get! Lol 🤪🥃🍸🍹🍺🍻🏖


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## SanderO (Jul 12, 2007)

I can't decide if indecision is my problem...


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