# back to intimacy message



## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

I might be out of line visiting this forum, but had to add my sentiments. 
On board intimacy is a real thing for men too. It is a chance to focus on our mate, be either "captain" or "first mate" or just consentrate on our love. It is easy on a sailboat to not only leave port but work and concerns too. when we are with someone we love, a sailboat makes showing and feeling it easy.
I have found that being off shore equalizes us, and that the energy that goes into some kind of competition on land goes to cooperation at sea. It is all very good.
My love life lacks the "first mate" but I am familiar with what sailing can do for romance. Those of you who think sailing is synonomys with romance, you are right, but it is also excitement, energy and complete joy, so have fun, 

Paul


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Very well spoken pmills42255, very well indeed.

The hook is down in a quiet, isolated anchorage and holding. The sails are furled and covered. The gear is stowed, decks swabbed, dinner over and the dishes done. You
sit in the cockpit, your hands wrapped around
a cup of steaming coffee. Your nose, poised
just above the hot liquid, inhales slowly,
deeply while the aromatic essence of brewed
beans grown half way round the world flows
through your nostrils like living plazma, 
warming you. From somewhere below, soft, smooth jazz floats quietly out to you
through the utter stillness. You feel a presence beside you. You look over. Her face is so close you can feel her breath on
your lips. Behind her head a blood red sun
slips slowly into the sea. You look into her
eyes and deep into her eyes. They turn to
shimmering liquid, and you see you in them.
The dying sun casts its final rays against the sheen of her hair forming a halo around 
her face. Your mouths gently seek each other, find, form vacuum, lock while you drink long and deep and longer and deeper,
filling the cavernous depths of your inner
most being. Your lips part. You lean back,
drawing her to you. Her head lights gently 
on your shoulder as your arms surround her
tenderly, protectively, forming an impenitrable wall between her and the world.
Somewhere in the distance the faint, almost
imperceptible sound of sea cascading onto 
shore lulls you. You slip, catch yourself from habit, then remembering where you are,
surrender to it as it pulls you down in undulatilng waves and deeper down into the
oblivion of the unconsciousness of utter
peace.

You are right. Nothing nourishes love like the woumb of all life and love, the sea.
Thanks for reminding me.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

DhD,
I am not sure if you are serious or being sarcastic. I was serious. I do struggle a bit about leaving the house and sailing for a few months , when my second goes off to college. I do not have a wife to balance the equation. 
You spoke of the sea being the womb and I think you are right. explain the connection however as we agree the sea can be hard and dangerous too.
The intimacy of sailing is one deeper then that of the physical. It is also of drive, sharing and understanding of the common element: the sea. When we share love at sea, it is second to the water, and that is commitment of a special kind.
I sense an argument, but do not look for one, rather some understanding...
Paul


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

No, Paul, I was not being sarcastic. I started mine where you left off, at the end
of the day. You are right about competition
turning into cooperation, about first mate,
second mate disappearing as two pull together
You say the sea can be mean and dangerous. Isn''t that a true of life as well? Can not
land be mean and dangerous? What you have described is how it should be. Putting two people in so small a space together with no
outside stimulous, off of the well trodden
paths of habitual behavior, even inside the
house itself gives them the enviornment that
allows them to be close, to communicate, to
see only each other and to actually talk to
each other while they work together to sail
their craft. That is how it should be on the
beach, in the house. But we get busy. Things happen. We say things, do things on 
impulse, without thinking and it hangs in the
air sometimes for weeks. And the stress of
living in a complex society doesn''t help.
The sea is not dangerous, any more than life
is. It has danger in it, to be sure. But only when we interlope upon it. We are land
creatures so we have to make a tool, also from the land, in order to go upon it. We initiate our danger. The sea just is and just
behaves according to its nature. We, the initiators of the relationship, have the burden to ensure we have considered the requirements for our safety while interloping
upon the sea. She means us no harm. But she 
can not think for us.
Why do I say woumb? It was the sea that spawned all life. Our very blood still has the same salinity as the sea. The biggest problem is that nature endowed us for different work, different roles. One is right
brain; one is left brain. Women are sensual, 
creatures of feeling. Men are rational, creatures of logic. Women are the makers of
children, the nurturers of the people, and 
the keepers of the culture. Men are the keepers of the territory, the hunters, and
the warriors. One doesn''t say to her, "Do
you see that? Isn''t that logical?" One says,
"How do you feel about that? Does that seem
right?" We must learn to speak each others
language. And to translate into each others
language from our own. Remember, security is
very, very important to a woman both physically and emotionally - especially emotionally. Well, I didn''t mean to do this.
I started out to give a simple reply. I, too,
am without a mate. After thirty years with one, it doesn''s rest easily in me. I guess it
is more on my mind that I let myself see.
Thanks for the dialog. See you topside.

Regards,

dhd


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

To Paul: P.S.
You may be right about out interloping in this forum. I didn''t think about that. 

My apologies to the ladies. We hadn''t planned to anchor here.

Paul, perhaps you should come back to me under "Start New Discussion". We wouldn''t want to take advantage of their gracious tolerance. Maybe some couples will join us
there and we can continue discussing love and
intimacy under sail. Just a suggestion. Later.
our musings.


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## Wildheart001 (Mar 23, 2000)

Well guys, all I can say is, I wish there were more men like you around where I live. The men I know want companionship, but not commitment. They want to "keep their options open in case something better comes along", don''t want any strings to tie them down.

I''ve found that there are some good things about being single. But, caring about someone, having someone to care about you (and yes, having someone to cuddle with, to dream and plan with, to sleep with), those are things that I miss.

Hang in there, y''all will find someone to share life with.

Happy sailing.....

Wildheart


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Thanks, Wildheart, for your comments. That was sweet. I was married for thirty years to
my first and only, so far, wife. It was a very mutual, extremely civil end and divorce.
It just died over the last few years so we
buried it quietly. Nobody''s fault. We were just two different people thirty years later 
from when we met. We are still good friends, 
still respect and have concern for each other
and still cooperate for the wellfare of our two daughters and two grandkids. Neither of 
us have any regrets, and both would redo the
entire experience even knowing what we know 
now. Life is real. 

I went to Charleston afterwards and spent two
years living aboard. My brother was there, had retired from the Navy there and we had
never gotten to be together much in our lives
so that gave me time to recover from the sadness, not pain but sadness, of the end of 
a long relationship. I lived and worked over
seas for 15 years and that is where I started 
sailing. I lived in Peru, Trinidad and Tobago, Scotland, Norway, Libya, Hong Kong and Singapore and sailed in those places (my
daughters were both born in Port of Spain). When my marriage ended, I went back to the only place I knew that would bring surcease.

I''ve been back in Dallas two years now, and am long since ready to get back into life. I
am seriously thinking about going back onto a 
boat and doing some cruising. 

There are so many people out there looking for each other. It is sad there aren''t better
means for them to find each other. Such a waste of human heart.

Again, thanks for your kind and encouraging remarks. I have no doubt I will find her. It 
is my intention.

Regards,

dhd


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## Wildheart001 (Mar 23, 2000)

dhartdallas: I was sad to hear about your marital parting. Even when it is amicable, it is still stressful and sad. Your situation sounds almost exactly like mine (though I was married for 18 years instead of 30). 

I wish that more people could realize that sometimes things change. People change and grow, and unless they change and grow together, they change and grow apart. Often times, it is nobody''s "fault", it just happens. My ex-husband and I are still friends, we have lunch together three or four times a month. He has found someone else and is getting remarried at the end of this year. Guess what? Since I was always the "travel guru" of the family, he has asked me to book their honeymoon trip for them. I have some connections and can save them some money, so I''m happy to do that. I want him to be happy. And, I want to be happy. It IS possible to remain friends after marriage ends.

Life is WAY too short to be fighting and arguing all the time. I just hate it when I see divorced couples treat each other badly. Maybe sometimes it can''t be helped, but once you''ve lived with someone for so many years, you have a history together. So much easier on the mind and body to dwell on the positive, instead of the negative.

I have no children, so this is really a period of "freedom" for me, the first time in my life that I have not had to "answer to" anyone. The initial sadness of our parting has passed, and life is good again. 

Well, enough of my soapbox for today.

Wildheart


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

You must have been close by, Wildheart. Good
for you, you have the right attitude. You will do fine. Thanks for the response.

dhd


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Can''t you two get together, already?


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

I think I''m gonna barf....


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