# Single females answering crew ads.



## jacktarmagazine

Never assume, when signing up to travel alone with an unknown male, that he is NOT going to hit on you. 

I've seen it from the BVI to Baja... same story... she's so shocked that he came onto her like that/the ad didn't say anything about a "companion"/I only expected to be crew/etc. etc.

You don't have to assume the worst of men, just please don't act so surprised. 

If a similar thread has been posted before, I apologize.


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## Oh2Sail

*Sometimes, you just need to ask*

Yeah, it's really awkward, but sometimes it's just best to ask upfront or even state upfront. "If 'companionship' is expected, I'm not onboard." I've managed to clear things up pretty early on with that. So far, the guys who don't expect will reassure, those who do -- just don't write back. That's been my experience.


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## SVAuspicious

I don't often post to herSailnet (I'm not a 'her') but this pushes my buttons.

I've had more than one lady show up to crew expecting to be coddled and catered to. While I've certainly had some fantastic female crew those that expect something for nothing (I'm not talking about sex - I'm talking about pulling one's own weight) are a significant portion of the respondees to calls for crew. 

When I go back over my records for crew on my boat and on deliveries, the proportion of no-shows and drop-outs among women is much higher than among men.

I like to think I'm an equal opportunity sort of person, but the numbers are becoming overwhelming.


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## CapnBilll

I guess communication is the key here. And do some vetting before getting on a boat with a stranger. Dating on a boat is going to be a little awkward no matter what, because there is no escape, (and long hours at sea can make anyones social skills rusty). There are plenty of opportunities for miscommunication, 1. She thinks I provide decoration/companionship he can do the work. 2. He thinks here a a female that is here for a "ride". 3. I may be looking but your not "it". 
Unfortionately social rules make this topic a cat and mouse game from the beginning, thats half the fun. Being up front and firm if no relationship is desired is the best policy, (these days either sex), ... if you are interested continue being coy. But on the other hand why would any self respecting adult want to spend months alone in a small floating box with someone you didn't like???


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## Cruisingdad

I have written quite a few things on this in the past (in the many crew wanted threads).

I pesonally do not think I would ever jump on a boat and sail for weeks at a time with someone I did not know and a boat I did not know. Man or not... woman or not. I do not mind helping friends move boats. Never have. THe opposite is true too. But there are 'friends' that I have that I would NOT want to be stuck on a boat for more than 24 hours with. I am picky about who I put on board or sail with.

You know, I think women (and men) get this idea of throwing off the lines, beautiful skies, the wind is blowing, nice calm seas as you sail into the sunset. A little Marley and Buffett on the speakers... etc. Well, it is like that some. And when coastal, it is like that a lot (because you can choose when you leave). But once you get offshore, then the rules change completely. 

You are probably sleep deprived. Someone is very likely getting sea sick. Cooking even simple meals becomes a chore and cooking more elaborate meals is a joke. You probably are not getting to shower (water supply, power, and the simple heeling) and struggle to make basic hygenie. You are often cold at night (and likely damp from salt moisture) or hot during the day. And the above conditions are based upon good weather. Everything really goes to pot in a storm or bad sea state. 

With the REALISTIC above conditions in mind, I cannot imagine shipping off with someone I did not know. And I really cannot imagine being a woman and shipping off with a man in the above conditions. Now you add onto that the reality of whether you really can trust him. Because your cell phone is dead within hours of leaving shore and your VHF is dead within hours of that. You now have no way to get off that boat and no real way to call for a speedy rescue (if you could even call at all). That rescue could be days (or much more) out if at all. The reality is that something could happen to you and I bet no one would ever really know. Even if they did, how would they prove it??

With all of this, it seems like I am painting a very bad picture and everyone wonders why they would go offshore or cruising at all. Well - it is because of the destinations. And to be honest, there are some very relaxing and enjoyable moments when offshore too. The sky and stars are gorgeous. You can be hundreds of miles out and get met by Dolphins. The exctiement of catching a fish. And the reality that you really have gotten away from civilization and are on your own. It can be very calming... it can also be very nerve racking. 

I bet some of the delivery captains here could tell some incredible stories. But it is a bit different for them too because that is their 'job'. Inviting someone on my boat to go lond distance sailing without really knowing them is probably not something I would ever do. But I am curious as to what others that have done it and been offshore feel about it? I am just giving my thoughts.

Brian


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## Ajax_MD

_And the "Dredging up long-deceased, controversial threads" Award goes to...Oh2Sail!_

Anyone who accepts an unvetted crew member (male or female) for a passage or a delivery deserves what they get as far as I'm concerned. This ain't the U.S. Navy. There are no regulations, no UCMJ, and you can't throw someone overboard like it's the year 1652 anymore.

The same goes for any potential crew who doesn't vet their potential skipper. These days, any moron can own a boat (obviously, because I'm here.), that doesn't mean that they have a tinker's clue about what they're doing. It's not blasphemy to ask a skipper what his experience and credentials are.

Here's a simple formula that might help out: If you are a female, the odds that you are going to be pressured for "companionship" are inversely proportional to the total number of crew onboard.

In otherwords, if you're the only crew, you're likely there for companionship. If you're amongst several, the odds are _better_ that you're there for your actual sailing skill.

I've been very fortunate. On the race boat that I crew on, half the damn crew was female, and they were AWESOME! Great sense of humor, and good sailors the lot of them. They all have my respect, and they taught me a lot. God love 'em all.

Now that I'm racing my own boat, I have one female, and as Lapworth will attest, she also gets along well, and pulls her load. She doesn't complain and will perform any task. She even brings good beer.

I find that a little respect goes a long way.


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## Oh2Sail

Hello, SVAuspicious,

I'm quite confused about what pushed your buttons. This post had to do with male skippers expecting sex of female crew members... there's nothing even implied about female crew expecting coddling from male skippers or females being irresponsible.

In fact, I was saying, Women, be responsible, and simply ask upfront if it appears the skipper might be expecting sex -- before you step on the boat.

As a woman looking to crew (and I crew like "one of the guys" ) I'm certainly disappointed to hear you've had bad experiences with women crew. But what in my post pushed your "women make bad crew" buttons?



SVAuspicious said:


> I don't often post to herSailnet (I'm not a 'her') but this pushes my buttons.
> 
> I've had more than one lady show up to crew expecting to be coddled and catered to. While I've certainly had some fantastic female crew those that expect something for nothing (I'm not talking about sex - I'm talking about pulling one's own weight) are a significant portion of the respondees to calls for crew.
> 
> When I go back over my records for crew on my boat and on deliveries, the proportion of no-shows and drop-outs among women is much higher than among men.
> 
> I like to think I'm an equal opportunity sort of person, but the numbers are becoming overwhelming.


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## imagine2frolic

I took on an unknown crew member from CF. A 2 day delivery from Miami to Green Cove Springs Fl. He was a member with few posts, so there was little known about him. He told me he was looking to buy a cat, but no experience with cats. We passed mail back, and forth about ourselves. Finally I asked for a picture as proof of his health. I didn't want a 400lb person coming aboard that couldn't perform their duties.

He turned out to be extremely helpful, intelligent, a good cook, and a heck of a nice human being. Normally I would single-hand, but the east coast of Florida is very busy with huge traffic. He could've turned out to be just the opposite, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do. I would not be afraid to pull into a port early, and force a person off my boat. Physically if need be.

As far as a woman accepting a crew position for a man when it's only 2 of them. That is a dangerous situation, and if being hit on is all that happens consider yourself lucky. The world is a dangerous place. Unfortunately most men have a tendency to think with the little brain. If a woman hits her twenties, and doesn't understand that already. Then she must be wearing blinders.

How many times has a man come on here, and in his first post ask for companionship. He's not looking for a female friend to go shopping with:laugher . Of course credit must be given to the many posters here that usually just ridicule the person to no end........*i2f*


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## InlandGirl

*Only a little derail....*

Timely thread, since I just logged on intending to rant about unwanted advances from male crew. I have a small boat, and I dry-sail: it's possible to single-hand but launching really requires two people, as does racing. I keep the boat at a club, and I sail with a lot of different guys. Most of them are married, but almost none of the other women sail. So I know these guys, I hang out with them and their wives at the club on weekends, and STILL when they sail with me I get propositioned, about once every few weeks. Maybe there's something about being on the water that makes them stupid? I just can't figure it out. I don't dress suggestively, I don't flirt -- and I'm middle-aged, for crying out loud. The whole situation is so stupidly....ADOLESCENT, and it's spoiling my fun, to the point that I'm thinking about selling my boat and getting a d*mn kayak instead.
(End of rant.)
Short of posting a notice on the boat that says "No, I DON'T want to sleep with you!" I am at my wits' end. Any suggestions, ladies?


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## imagine2frolic

Sounds like you need to entice some other ladies to sail? You can always look them in the eye, and ask if they want you to share this behaviour with their wives. Word will will float like sand in a dust storm amongst the dummies, and they will quit..........*i2f*


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## deniseO30

reading this I can't help but bring up this from awhile back. 
http://www.sailnet.com/forums/hersailnet/58301-tips-needed-young-woman-sailing.html

it kinda gives proof that there are young gullible girls out there! That should make some guys happy.


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## bljones

Inland, you could try this:" I am a cougar- i have my pick of a gaggle of testosterone -filled single 20-something boys, and you think that you, a married guy with a viagra prescription, are even in the running? You're embarassing both of us."
Or: "Dude I look like crap, I'm crabby and you're my married crew who just blew three tacks in a row- either you think my self-esteem sucks so bad that i think you are a catch, or your self esteem is so crappy that i am all you can get. either way you just insulted me."

or there is always the simple " get the f**k away before i talk to your wife."

Or you could simply take it as the compliment that it is, and blow it off.


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## deniseO30

IG, It's real difficult, but you can find other women that would want to sail with you.


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## InlandGirl

bljones said:


> ...
> 
> Or you could simply take it as the compliment that it is, and blow it off.


The first couple of times, I did this. Then paranoia set in: it is me? am I sending the wrong signals? do I have some kind of a reputation? I really don't think so. It's only that I'm single, and that apparently makes me fair game when not on shore.


bljones said:


> ...
> 
> or there is always the simple " get the f**k away before i talk to your wife."


This is now the default. What really gets me is that I thought I had a nice, comfortable camaraderie with these guys, some of whom I've known for a couple of years since I first bought my boat and joined this club. But no: it turns out I have to be on my guard *all the time*  and I can't have a normal, non-paranoid conversation with any of them anymore. I have to limit my trips to the club to times when I know there will be lots of other people around. It's all so tiresome. Maybe it's just that I have the bad luck to live in the Land of Creeps and Jerks? Or are sailors like this all over?

As of today, my sailing season's over: I don't have to deal with this cr*p again until next spring, so I'll shut up now. Sorry again for the hijack. It's really important for women to be cautious about sailing with people they don't know yet, but I also hope some of the guys who read this -- especially if they're married or otherwise taken -- will think twice about how they behave themselves on board with the women they already know.


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## bljones

I don't make passes at female crew. My ego can only handle disappointing one woman at a time.


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## SVAuspicious

bljones said:


> I don't make passes at female crew. My ego can only handle disappointing one woman at a time.


+1 You and me both.


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## mdbee

*Ig*

"Or are sailors like this all over? " 
Usually it's just the male ones  
But there are exceptions I hear.

Perhaps it's more of a YC "party atmosphere" thing than a sailing thing?



InlandGirl said:


> The first couple of times, I did this. Then paranoia set in: it is me? am I sending the wrong signals? do I have some kind of a reputation? I really don't think so. It's only that I'm single, and that apparently makes me fair game when not on shore.
> 
> This is now the default. What really gets me is that I thought I had a nice, comfortable camaraderie with these guys, some of whom I've known for a couple of years since I first bought my boat and joined this club. But no: it turns out I have to be on my guard *all the time*  and I can't have a normal, non-paranoid conversation with any of them anymore. I have to limit my trips to the club to times when I know there will be lots of other people around. It's all so tiresome. Maybe it's just that I have the bad luck to live in the Land of Creeps and Jerks? Or are sailors like this all over?
> 
> As of today, my sailing season's over: I don't have to deal with this cr*p again until next spring, so I'll shut up now. Sorry again for the hijack. It's really important for women to be cautious about sailing with people they don't know yet, but I also hope some of the guys who read this -- especially if they're married or otherwise taken -- will think twice about how they behave themselves on board with the women they already know.


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## InlandGirl

mdbee said:


> Perhaps it's more of a YC "party atmosphere" thing than a sailing thing?


Oh, I'm all about the party -- but there's a big difference between joking around in public when everyone has a G&T in hand, and a married man making schmoopy eyes and inappropriate suggestions when he's crewing for me. Yuck.

A few solutions have come to mind: the unannounced jibe (oh, I've been tempted); finding women to sail with (not easy here, since the few who sail, sail with their SO); or limiting crew to single men, from whom the occasional schmoopy look might not be unwelcome (ok, so where are they?).

Sad-but-true moral of the story, I guess, is that guys on boats -- even sailboats -- behave badly; and a girl should be prepared to deal with it.


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## Ajax_MD

Thanks for painting all of us with the same, broad brush.

I'm glad my crew would disagree.


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## Cruisingdad

The guy that hits on you (and is married or not) at the boat is the same guy that woul dhit on you at the office or a bar or anywhere else he thought he could get away with it. That marraige is over. 

I would not say that sailing with men is your problem, I would say that sailing with THOSE men are your problem. But I will tell you right now that I have see women as guilty of this as men. 

Brian


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## smackdaddy

InlandGirl said:


> Sad-but-true moral of the story, I guess, is that guys on boats -- even sailboats -- behave badly; and a girl should be prepared to deal with it.


Now InGirl, please. This is like saying all women on boats hate being attractive.

Granted, most dudes can get a bit randy at the drop of a hat. So the answer is, obviously, don't drop your hat.


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## TintedChrome

You mean the very act of just getting a woman on to my boat isn't an instant panty-remover?   

I've been lied to!  

Look for me in the classifieds.. gonna sell the boat and buy a 70's Camaro! That'll work!  ... ... ... right?


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## InlandGirl

smackdaddy said:


> Granted, most dudes can get a bit randy at the drop of a hat. So the answer is, obviously, don't drop your hat.


OK, Smack, I'll give you an example. Last weekend, I spent a couple of hours out on the lake with a guy I hadn't sailed with before. We had a good time, but all sailing-focused and totally nonflirtatious. Fine. Then the wind died down, so we were heading back to the harbor under sail, but pretty slowly so there was not much to do but sit and talk. Conversation, as I recall, was pretty random and totally innocuous - recent travel; annoying airline rules; the lake levels; and boat & trailer maintenance in the offseason. And then this:

Inland: So you only repack your trailer bearings once every 5 years or so?
Crew (suddenly giving me The Look): Can I kiss you right now?
Inland: WTF????​
I have to admit, it sounds hilarious, but this is about the fifth time this year something like this has happened to me, and it's getting really old. If anyone can explain to me where I dropped the hat, I'd be grateful.


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## smackdaddy

Heh-heh. If you don't know by now that the "...repack your trailer bearings..." line is the classic female-to-male hook-up invite in every Pep-Boys-adjacent bar in the US...you're missing the obvious. That was the hat drop.

No, seriously...able sailing chicks are hot. That's all there is to it. There's nothing you can do about that - other than change your style and hang out at Macy's. And that would just suck.

Just find more single dudes to sail with and you're golden!


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## bljones

Oh come on, we all know what "repack your trailer bearings" means!
It involves lube, and a shaft, and BALL bearings and...

Wait... you mean you were actually talking about trailer maintenance?


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## CapnBilll

Just tell them, "I just want to be friends", before they get onboard. Although the sign, "No, I DON'T want to sleep with you!", Inland girl", wouldn't hurt either.

Just think about the situation. Here is a married man doing the sport he loves the most with another woman, ....where's the wife??? The fact that your sitting there in her place on a boat alone with a man, (her man), and she isn't! Pretty much says it all right there. If advances are unwanted, (the man is expected to move first and take his chances), You'll just have to make it clear upfront. Don't worry we're used to disapointment.


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## imagine2frolic

Either you are hanging with some real losers, or you're the hottest thing on the planet? You claim every man you come in contact with hits on you while sailing? Something here is just not right. I know men think with the little brain, but 100% is really over the top.....*i2f*


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## Cruisingdad

InlandGirl said:


> OK, Smack, I'll give you an example. Last weekend, I spent a couple of hours out on the lake with a guy I hadn't sailed with before. We had a good time, but all sailing-focused and totally nonflirtatious. Fine. Then the wind died down, so we were heading back to the harbor under sail, but pretty slowly so there was not much to do but sit and talk. Conversation, as I recall, was pretty random and totally innocuous - recent travel; annoying airline rules; the lake levels; and boat & trailer maintenance in the offseason. And then this:
> 
> Inland: So you only repack your trailer bearings once every 5 years or so?
> Crew (suddenly giving me The Look): Can I kiss you right now?
> Inland: WTF????​
> I have to admit, it sounds hilarious, but this is about the fifth time this year something like this has happened to me, and it's getting really old. If anyone can explain to me where I dropped the hat, I'd be grateful.


Almost the same thing happened to me, but switched. My wife was even on board!! We were sailing back, the wind died down, I laid back in the cockpit and closed my eyes then BAM! Uncalled for and unwanted smooch right across the lips. Never, EVER, let your guard down when sailing.

Here's the gal that gave the smooch. She is even wanting to sleep in the bed with me... but that ain't happenin'. I draw the line, and she knows it, but she still keeps trying.


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## smackdaddy

I just threw up a little bit.


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## InlandGirl

imagine2frolic said:


> Either you are hanging with some real losers, or you're the hottest thing on the planet? You claim every man you come in contact with hits on you while sailing? Something here is just not right. I know men think with the little brain, but 100% is really over the top.....*i2f*


No, I never said "every man," and I certainly make no claims about hotness. I've probably sailed with 15 different people this year, and only four of them have been creepy. (One made advances twice, and I had to get angry, so now we don't talk, and there's awkwardness at the club.) Four is still too many, though. Because one or two longtime YC-buddies have metamorphosed into creeps when they crewed for me, I'm starting to get suspicious of the decent guys too. Wouldn't you? 

It's also no fun to feel like I have to be super-careful about every word and every action because it might be misinterpreted as a 'hat drop.' When I say "trim a little more - yeah, that's good" I don't appreciate the crew leering back at me like I've just said something obscene. (That was another WTF?? moment this summer. It's just sail trim, pal: take it easy.)

The point I was trying to make was that crew shouldn't assume that they get other privileges. Sometimes sailing is only sailing. That's all.

@cruisingdad:


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## deniseO30

On Face book I found quite a few women that want to sail and have real experience.


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## urbanhermit

It doesn't matter who or where a woman comes from, all women deserve to be treated with respect.


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## imagine2frolic

You surely made it sound like from every corner were coming the hits. Maybe it's becauase you are just fed up, and rightfully so. As I posted before. There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling the wives. As Denise types it may be time to look in other places for lady sailors. BEST WISHES with sorting it out........*i2f*


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## InlandGirl

imagine2frolic said:


> Maybe it's becauase you are just fed up [/I][/B]


You got that right. I'm a child of the post-feminist era: I have tended to assume that everyone, m or f, married or single or whatever, will play by the generally-accepted rules. There's a time and place for hitting on people . If you're older than 20 you should be able to make that judgment. And if you're already taken, the time and place would be NEVER and NOWHERE.

I never had to deal with creepy married guys or weird out-of-the-blue come-ons before, so getting blindsided by this stuff on my own boat has been kinda shocking. When it happens repeatedly, yeah, I get fed up. It's just so totally out of bounds. And I've never had to limit tennis partners or skiing buddies based on whether they were male or female, so the idea that I should choose my crew by gender rather than skill seems archaic and silly and a little insulting, especially when there are so few other women who sail in my small town. Should my choices be limited just because I'm a girl?

I'm relatively new to sailing, so maybe this is a naive perspective. But after a couple of years as a boat owner it looks to me like there are corners of the sailing world that are about two generations behind the times. Sometimes that's a good thing! Just not in this case.


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## smackdaddy

Inland...seriously...chill out on this whole thing. You're way too sensitive. Sailing is an aphrodisiac, sista! And you're choosing to sail with these chumps. So you have 4 options:

1. Enjoy the fact that you're obviously a hottie, just say no, harden up, and don't sweat it so much.
B. Vet the chumps more effectively before you sail with them and make sure you sail ONLY with those for whom you want to drop the hat.
ii. Sail ONLY with other straight post-feminist chicks.
4. Sail ONLY with ascetic monks and gay dudes.

Personally, I typically choose ii.


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## sailingmum

*Heck... just say no... and that's it. I would think...*

Heck... just say no... and that's it. I would think. 
It doesn't sound hilarious... particularly... but it's just how it goes anywhere... 
It is up to you to set boundaries.... i'd say if you say no.. and that doesn't work.. then just hand him a life jacket and tell him it's time to swim ashore.... 
much
.


InlandGirl said:


> OK, Smack, I'll give you an example. Last weekend, I spent a couple of hours out on the lake with a guy I hadn't sailed with befo re. We had a good time, but all sailing-focused and totally nonflirtatious. Fine. Then the wind died down, so we were heading back to the harbor under sail, but pretty slowly so there was not to do but sit and talk. Conversation, as I recall, was pretty random and totally innocuous - recent travel; annoying airline rules; the lake levels; and boat & trailer maintenance in the offseason. And then this:
> 
> Inland: So you only repack your trailer bearings once every 5 years or so?
> Crew (suddenly giving me The Look): Can I kiss you right now?
> Inland: WTF????​
> I have to admit, it sounds hilarious, but this is about the fifth time this year something like this has happened to me, and it's getting really old. If anyone can explain to me where I dropped the hat, I'd be grateful.


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## bljones

smackdaddy said:


> Inland...seriously...chill out on this whole thing. You're way too sensitive. Sailing is an aphrodisiac, sista! And you're choosing to sail with these chumps. So you have 4 options:
> 
> 1. Enjoy the fact that you're obviously a hottie, just say no, harden up, and don't sweat it so much.
> B. Vet the chumps more effectively before you sail with them and make sure you sail ONLY with those for whom you want to drop the hat.
> ii. Sail ONLY with other straight post-feminist chicks.
> 4. Sail ONLY with ascetic monks and gay dudes.
> 
> Personally, I typically choose ii.


But sailing with monks and gay dudes is truly entertaining. You haven't lived until you have heard a Gregorian rendition of "in the Navy."


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## Ajax_MD

Here ya go:

Built for one.


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## skipmac

*launch singlehanded*



InlandGirl said:


> I have a small boat, and I dry-sail: it's possible to single-hand but launching really requires two people, as does racing.


Well, can't help you with how to deal with obnoxious crew for racing but in addition to a 42' sailboat I also have a 20' ski boat and previously a 25' speedboat, both of which I launched singlehanded all the time.

I just tie a rather long bow line on the boat and tie the other end to the trailer. Check drain plugs, loosen all straps, hooks, tiedowns, etc. Back in, tap the brakes, boat slides off the trailer, I run back, grab the bow line off the trailer, tie boat to dock/tree/beach/whatever is available at the ramp. Go back to trailer, park it, then back to boat and go.

Coming back first tie up the boat. Go get trailer and back it in to loading depth, get boat, power onto trailer, hook up trailer winch, crank in, hook up safety lines, pull out and away from ramp, install straps, pull drain plugs, etc. Drive home.


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## InlandGirl

I am just about the chillest person in the world, so don't start thinking I'm some kind of feminazi, guys. 



smackdaddy said:


> Sailing is an aphrodisiac


Ah. Maybe this problem is more about fundamental misunderstanding than bad behavior.

I would say sailing (and I'm talking about dinghy sailing here, not luxury cruising with an autopilot!) is challenging, thrilling, frustrating and terrifying, satisfying when things go right...but aphrodisiac? That's, um, not the first thing that comes to mind. On the boat I'm too busy thinking about other things!


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## smackdaddy

InlandGirl said:


> I am just about the chillest person in the world, so don't start thinking I'm some kind of feminazi, guys.
> 
> Ah. Maybe this problem is more about fundamental misunderstanding than bad behavior.
> 
> I would say sailing (and I'm talking about dinghy sailing here, not luxury cruising with an autopilot!) is challenging, thrilling, frustrating and terrifying, satisfying when things go right...but aphrodisiac? That's, um, not the first thing that comes to mind. On the boat I'm too busy thinking about other things!


Heh-heh. Yeah, but you're not a dude! Hello!

Hang in there Inland. I understand your dilemma. Women are always coming onto me. It's just a burden we have to bear.


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## bljones

smackdaddy said:


> Women are always coming onto me.


Uh, I don't think that phrase is truly accurate when it is business transaction taking place curbside.


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## sailingmum

you just need to get laid ... it'll cure all that ails ya !


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## LinekinBayCD

smackdaddy said:


> Heh-heh. Yeah, but you're not a dude! Hello!


InlandGirl,

Smackdaddy has it. Just think like a guy and it will all makes sense. We guys are hard wired to be dogs. It is a constant struggle not to act on what your programming is telling you. Sometimes we slip.


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## omaho5

Man sailing boat, invites unknown woman for trip, BAD judgement on all parts.


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## Elaleph

what so bad about a little companionship? Are we bound by oaths of chastity?


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## ArcherBowman

*The Nature of Challenges*



InlandGirl said:


> challenging, thrilling, frustrating and terrifying, satisfying when things go right...but aphrodisiac? That's, um, not the first thing that comes to mind. On the boat I'm too busy thinking about other things!


AH! Successfully overcome challenges, thrills, frustration overcome, and terror conquered ALL make men feel virile, and horny.

It's always been an aphrodisiac to me. And competent, powerful women are inherently hot.


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## therapy23

Fascinating. 

I am married but I am pretty sure you are so hot I would slip up and leer at you too. 

Watch out what you will feel like when you switch to female crew and they hit on you too!  

I wish I had Smack's problem............:laugher


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## smackdaddy

therapy23 said:


> Fascinating.
> 
> I am married but I am pretty sure you are so hot I would slip up and leer at you too.
> 
> Watch out what you will feel like when you switch to female crew and they hit on you too!
> 
> I wish I had Smack's problem............:laugher


Tis a cross to bear....so I just get a couple of hotties to help carry the load. Heh-heh.

And arch, let's be fair...after a couple of weeks at sea, sandpaper can be an aphrodisiac for a dude. It's not like our bar is set that high.


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## jwsmokey

I'm looking for experienced crewmate to learn from as I'll be taking title....Mid. January and to sail to Fla. panhandle soon after...a couple days sailing in Key largo to establish comfort/ compatibality?


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## jwsmokey

jwsmokey said:


> I'm looking for experienced crewmate to learn from as I'll be taking title....Mid. January and to sail to Fla. panhandle soon after...a couple days sailing in Key largo to establish comfort/ compatibality?


Don't look back....they may be gaining on ya!


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## avenger79

InlandGirl said:


> Oh, I'm all about the party -- but there's a big difference between joking around in public when everyone has a G&T in hand, and a married man making schmoopy eyes and inappropriate suggestions when he's crewing for me. Yuck.
> 
> A few solutions have come to mind: the unannounced jibe (oh, I've been tempted); finding women to sail with (not easy here, since the few who sail, sail with their SO); or limiting crew to single men, from whom the occasional schmoopy look might not be unwelcome (ok, so where are they?).
> 
> Sad-but-true moral of the story, I guess, is that guys on boats -- even sailboats -- behave badly; and a girl should be prepared to deal with it.


ok haven't you seen the t shirt. wanted new girlfriend who likes to sail, send pics of boat? obviously they just want to get your boat. LOL


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## otisgudlyfe

avenger79 said:


> ok haven't you seen the t shirt. wanted new girlfriend who likes to sail, send pics of boat? obviously they just want to get your boat. LOL


They may not even want the whole boat....just the 'cockpit'  (sorry, I couldn't resist....mea culpa)


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## omaho5

I'm 65, loaded, good lookng, beautiful sloop, and love to sail.And we get to the boat in a wonderful restored Corvette. Would not mind being a sugar daddy.
All I need is a note to pin on my chest from my wife saying to kll the SOB.


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## vadimgo

Was the biggest issue the fact that these where married men ("Taken")?

Would it be acceptable if single friends invited for sailing make a move?!!!
Or, is it possible that his wife would not mind him having a casual relationship with his sailing buddy?!!!
Now, if we keep the marriage out, I see how this would be a problem. You want to have a sailing partner only, he is too eager to get a lot more friendly... The way I see it, as if I invite somebody for a drink, and he starts selling me a condo in Florida?...
I kinda understand them though.
The way our lifes are, we've taken "romance" out of the work place, we drive to and from everywhere, the only place poor guy can meet a girl is while sailing (single or "taken").


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## rgscpat

*communication*

I'm sorry to hear too many guys are behaving badly. Some of it may have to do with expectations and communication styles.

Maybe some of it has to do with how many guys are still socialized to "conquer"; an appearance of promiscuity is not always a liability in the "boys' treehouse". 
And, maybe even the one-with-one sailing has a different social atmosphere than something like golf, tennis, skiing, etc. since two people on a boat are relatively isolated; maybe some guys think they are "off leash" when they're on the boat or when they go to big regattas. And maybe some guys think of hitting as making compliments?! Dunno, just thinking out loud.

Some cruising boats have a sheet of paper or laminated "welcome to the boat" card that covers house rules, expectations. and the do-and-don't items. Is there any chance that something like that would do some good?


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## sailingdog

RGSCPat—

Unfortunately, I think the boors will be boors regardless of anything that Inland Girl or any of the other women boat owners aboard this forum may post on their boats...


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## therapy23

vadimgo said:


> *The way our lifes are, we've taken "romance" out of the work place*, we drive to and from everywhere, the only place poor guy can meet a girl is while sailing (single or "taken").


Good point.


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## woodymr

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