# Live aboard with the wife help please



## sailforlife (Sep 14, 2016)

Hello, the wife and I want to do the whole rent our place on land and live aboard our sailboat thing. Was wondering those that have gone or are going through the experience what to expect. What it is like, the pitfalls, what to avoid etc? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you in advance.

:cut_out_animated_em


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## MarkofSeaLife (Nov 7, 2010)

"Blue" jobs and "Pink" jobs are totally sexist garbage. There should be no division between them whatsoever.

Make her do the lot while you sit in the bar.


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## sailforlife (Sep 14, 2016)

MarkofSeaLife said:


> "Blue" jobs and "Pink" jobs are totally sexist garbage. There should be no division between them whatsoever.
> 
> Make her do the lot while you sit in the bar.


Sorry Mark I apperantly lack the mental capacity to understand what you are trying to say. If is not to much trouble can you put it in simpleton language? :ship-captain:

Correction figured it out no worries , Thank you for the advice.


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## RegisteredUser (Aug 16, 2010)

Do a 2 week trial.
If she still wants to stay on the boat, do a 2 month trial.
Then decide.


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## TQA (Apr 4, 2009)

Umpteen books on couples going sailing. You could start with this.

As Long as It's Fun, the Epic Voyages and Extraordinary Times of Lin and Larry Pardey

and contrast it with the blog written by the bumfuzzles who bought a catamaran and sailed it round the world.

Be aware that many recent blogs written by 'attractive couples ' are pure clickbait and are somewhat unrealistic.


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## boatpoker (Jul 21, 2008)

Sharon does the light work, cooking, oil changes, glass work, painting, impeller changes etc. 
I do the heavy work, Transmission removal, cooking, dishes, first pot of coffee in the morning.

Kids moved out of the house in 94' ... sold it two weeks later and moved onboard.
One regret .... We should have done it 20 years earlier


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## sailforlife (Sep 14, 2016)

boatpoker said:


> Sharon does the light work, cooking, oil changes, glass work, painting, impeller changes etc.
> I do the heavy work, Transmission removal, cooking, dishes, first pot of coffee in the morning.
> 
> Kids moved out of the house in 94' ... sold it two weeks later and moved onboard.
> One regret .... We should have done it 20 years earlier


Thats awesome nice to hear.:ship-captain:


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## Arcb (Aug 13, 2016)

IDK, what is to know. We moved aboard, half of us (not me) became pregnant, we decided to stay on the boat. We had a baby. We decided to stay on the boat. I got moved inland and north for work, we couldn't live on the boat any more so we bought a house in the country and a smaller boat. I don't think the boat made that big of a difference, it was just a place to lay down at night. 

My wife has recently told me that morning sickness was unpleasant on the boat, but she never mentioned it at the time. Maybe get a boat with a decent shower if you are going to have pregnant women on board. That advice is going to cost extra though


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## MikeOReilly (Apr 12, 2010)

Are you asking about living on a stationary boat tied to a dock? Or are you asking about cruising? I have little experience with the former, but if you're talking about cruising then I can say that what has worked for us (me and she) is to go slowly. 

Get a decent cruising boat - not too big, not too small, but one with a functional sailing and living space. Then, go cruising for a while.

Start small. Go short distances. Stay a few nights, then a few weeks, then a few months, on the boat. Challenge yourselves, but not to the point of constant or major failure. Most importantly, have fun.

After you've built up some experience you'll know what you BOTH need in this cruising lifestyle.


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## hpeer (May 14, 2005)

By contrast we lived at a dock, every other week, for about 3 years before taking off. All winter, all summer. Froze in at times. Shoveled snow off the dock. 

It was a transition period so that when we left to go cruising we had at least a part of it figured out, sorta.

By contrast last winter in the Bahamas was sweet.


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## dadio917 (Apr 4, 2011)

depends on how you and your wife like to live and what boat you can afford and a bit about the weather where you live. assuming you mean a sailboat and living in a marina most of the time....on a small boat (30-40) you'll be trekking to the marina showers and sleeping on a shelf. Can be "fun" if it's sub freezing in the morning. In a bigger boat (40+ and/or center cockpit) you could have a nice shower and a big bunk. The other thing is the holding tank. You need to take it to a pump out once in a while or pay for traveling pump out guys. Not a big deal...but a 10 gallon holding tank is a lot different than 50.

My wife an I easily live on our rather small 39' boat in the marina and off cruising. But we've also done long range hiking with a small tent and few clothes....so we may not be the norm.

Anyways....can be very enjoyable if you have that kind of attitude. We love marinas...and anchored in some nice cove. The "simplicity" of a boat versus a house can also be very enjoyable.

2 cents worth......


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## Gladrags1 (Apr 9, 2003)

One comment about renting the house. Get a property management company to handle rentals, issues and repairs. Things will go wrong the minute you leave. The house knows when you are gone...

My wife and I are on the 3rd month of an extended cruise and it is going really well. We work well together and haven't gotten in each other's way yet. The suggestions to try it out first are good ones.


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## SanderO (Jul 12, 2007)

Cruising live aboard life is for fit people. You need to be trained in all aspects of caring for the boat because it mission critical to keep it seaworthy and safe. It's for people with few to no health challenges. Sure you can find a doctor or dentist on St Lucia if you need one... but this nothing like having your primary for land based people. You will need a stash of cash or an income from investments... or some means to make sufficient money along the way.

I went cruising / live aboard for 4 years and it was more or less a "sabbatical". I had no intention of simply leaving behind forever the area and the live style / culture I was "thriving in". It was a total hoot to go off the grid and see what I could using Shiva to get there. I think this is a good think for anyone at some point in their lives if they can muster what is needed.

When the money ran out, I returned and resumed something similar to my former life except now I had an enormous experience with Shiva. Sailing has been the greatest teacher/lesson in my life or lesson book for living. Nothing compares. Do not expect anyone to give you answers to your questions. You learn by doing mostly.

Shiva is now our get away going on 33yrs old and looks great for her boat age... better than her skipper! We cruise in the summer or use her for a weekend home. I find the work on the boat therapeutic and it keeps me somewhat agile and the mind gets less cob webs. I am more of a fair weather sailor now... been there done that and have nothing to prove. I am not a speed addict... no sports cars, motor cycles, down hill skiing, and so forth... all for a younger me. Sailing and Shiva have evolved to meet my needs... but it's important to understand those needs... and no one can tell thus to you.


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## aa3jy (Jul 23, 2006)

We have cruised together for years for two to three week trips but last year we left house and car behind and took off down the ICW for parts south. 
It is a study in patience and respect for personal space blessed with the wonders of nature, beautiful sunsets and delightful cruisers to meet. We always eat well aboard. We take time to wait out weather. It helps to have good communication with HAM band radio expertise and equipment. Your vessel should be something you feel confident in commanding and maintaining. No you do not need to be able to fix your refrigerator but you should be prepared to deal with its failure until you can get somewhere you can get help or are happy to not have refrigeration. 
Attitude plays a huge part in your success in cruising. As long as you keep it fun you will be good. Remember the challenges you have will always be remembered whereas the perfect days can run together. Good luck. You will find helpful people along your way but prepare well. 😄


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## Jeff_H (Feb 26, 2000)

Like others have said, go slowly. Do maybe a couple weeks, then a summer, before you extend it out further. If you don't plan to be at marinas your whole cruising life then spend maybe 4-5 months distance cruising and living on the anchor. 

The physical fitness thing is really big. Make sure your boat is set up so you wife can do everything on board, in all conditions. Make sure that the control line forces are within your wife's physical capacity, (Which is to say, if the goal is to make long passages, get rid of the Tartan and get a boat that is better set up for that purpose)

There are a lot of books about successful husband and wife cruising, but I suggest that you read a few about what can go wrong, such as, Reanne Hemingway-Douglass book
"Cape Horn: One Man's Dream : One Woman's Nightmare."

You might also look at the Youtube Channel, "Sailing Nervous". Vince and Amy have not succeeded in "getting out there" yet but they have definitely succeeded at being a strong couple and working their way through what life has thrown at them. 

I have probably worked with 2-3 dozen couples and families with your dreams. The ones who succeeded we're true partners in the adventure. They are methodical about putting together a list of what they need to know before they go. They study together so both of them fully understand what they are doing. They work together on the projects needed on the boat so they both get a feel for the boat and neither feel entitled. They don't assign tasks, but take on tasks organically. They both share the dream. They are able to talk through how they feel about what ever comes up.

In the end, there is no magic formula. It is mostly about who each of you are and who you are as a couple.The rest falls into place over time.

Jeff


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## Ajax_MD (Nov 24, 2009)

The answer is... it depends.

A well-known sailing friend of mine says- some people move aboard and embrace a mariner's life, some people attempt to transplant a shore-based life onto a boat. The latter rarely works.

Living aboard almost any vessel will require a significant or near total divestment of material belongings. Some people find this to be liberating and enjoyable and some people find it to be terrifying and tremendously inconvenient. It has nothing to do with gender. 

I know a married couple that is happily trundling their way south on the ICW on a 26 foot sailboat right now...for their 3rd year, I think. They liveaboard year-round. They don't own a land-bound home. They aren't particularly young or old. I also know of a couple that owns a 40 foot performance cruiser who would never dream of chucking it all and living aboard.

All married couples have disagreements. Sometimes working through those disagreements requires a cooling off period where one party goes away for a few hours. That isn't always possible on a boat. You will be living in a closer proximity to each other than you have before and one or both of you may not adjust to this. It's easy to get away when you're just living tied to the dock. It's a different story entirely when you're underway and trapped together.

Unfortunately, no one here can tell you if the two of you will enjoy living aboard. The only way to know for certain, is to try it for yourselves.

For my part, I served aboard submarines for 11 years. My personal space was limited to a 6' X 2.5' bunk pan. By comparison, living alone, aboard a 30 foot sailboat was very liberating for me and plenty of room. I didn't do any long-haul cruising but I sailed very frequently. Wife 1.0 abandoned our house so I took it over and reluctantly moved back ashore.

When I upgraded to Wife 2.0, I discovered that Wife 2.0 and Boat 1.X were not not very compatible, resulting in errors such as "Out of Storage" , "Insufficient Galley" and "Hand Pumped Fresh Water." I solved these errors by upgrading to Boat 2.0 which came with upgraded features such as "+2.5 kts VMG", "Hot Water Shower!" , "Propane Galley" and "$hitloads of Storage Lockers".

Wife 2.0 now happily cruises for up to 10 days at a time and is amenable to extending that as her skills grow. We have no issues being in such close proximity for extended periods.


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## Davy J (Mar 25, 2017)

Your location says Florida. I'm not sure of the east coast, but here on the Gulf coast most of the "liveaboard" marinas are full and have waiting lists. Be sure to secure a slip well before renting the house.............


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## Skipper Jer (Aug 26, 2008)

" the wife and I want to do the whole rent our place on land "
I didn't read every post in detail, only skimmed them and the impression I got was the boat side was well addressed. I didn't see any thoughts on the renting of your present home. So I'll offer some thoughts on that side of the equation. Have you ever been a landlord? If so then you need to read no further because you understand the horror stories of renters are true, late rent checks or not at all, calls from the police that your house is being searched because its a pot grow house, clogged up plumbing, broken air conditioning systems, cabinets torn off the wall, carpet covered in "pet stains", and the list goes on and on. Also while away on the boat who will maintain the house, clean it between renters, find responsible (ha ha ha) renters and insure payment. So sailor you have to ask yourself one question "Do you feel lucky being a landlord? Well sailor, do you?"


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## capecodda (Oct 6, 2009)

We've only lived aboard for a few months at at time.

Biggest challenge. Dinner conversation:

What you do today? 

Ah the same thing you did.


Have fun!


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## zeehag (Nov 16, 2008)

best of luck. i have lived aboard while working from marina, mooring and anchor., since 1990. i like it. i cruise, now.. i donot foresee me living on land voluntarily. ditto my cat.
i have friends who have rented out their places to cruise, some whine about tenants some are pleased and happy. 

it all comes down to your personal choices, likes, and tolerances.
best of luck. life is a kind of personal thing. same lifestyles. no one can tell you what is good or correct or comfy for you.


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## outbound (Dec 3, 2012)

The hard part is not the sailing. Not even ocean passages.
Not full time living on a boat. Get a good boat.
Not needing to learn new skills. Regardless of where you live when you stop learning you’ve better have dirt in your face or you soon will.
Not proximity to your S.O. Just marry wisely.
Not fitness. Best sailor I ever knew was a 60 y.o. lady librarian of under 100lbs in the town I was living in. Taught me if it’s hard you’re doing it wrong.

Very different living on a boat and cruising. If you are cruising you need to think through your past life, your obligations to those you leave behind.
For the cruiser troubles don’t come from stuff mentioned. Rather it’s the stuff on land. Issues with family, business, processions etc. Stuff the good lord gives you is the issue for all too many. The stuff you can’t plan for or expect. I say this having sold off most processions, real estate, setting up finances and everything I could think of. Still can get blind sided.

We had been cruising full time. Wife finally retired so no more need to return to the states except as we deemed fit. Then due to issues with her ex we ended up with 9 y. o. Between continuing court custody fights and getting him the services he needs after living in a dysfunctional household for 9 years this winter we’re back on land. Still have the dream so hopefully next year cruising resumes. 

Wife’s big thing was “fine we’ll go cruising but I need a house. We may never be there except for Xmas but I need a house”. Seems we needed it.


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## capta (Jun 27, 2011)

You didn't make it clear if you are planning on just living aboard in a marina, perhaps with the occasional day sail, or actually voyaging to far off exotic places.
Do keep in mind, if you do read the Pardey's story, that the interior space on their boat was probably smaller than your wife's bedroom closet. Probably not exactly what you and your wife have in mind.


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## SailingKnottyGurl (Dec 12, 2017)

were casting the lines in jan2018, we did the smaller boat for 10 years zipping around lake Ontario, first was overnight at mooring, then to weekends couple years later full week, now were on from launch date to haul out so she is just chompping at the bit to get into warm climes during the winter and back home for summer and our small boat its not worth selling it ill loose way to much for what i had to invest to get her here. 
she had to have digital reader for books and movies for movie time, fridge freezer with shower were also on her demand list lol


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## BillFalls44 (Dec 11, 2017)

Yeah, take it slow and ease her(And yourself) in


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