# How?



## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Growing up as a military Brat, my family moved alot. Between the ages 7 - 12 we were stationed in Hawaii. I loved going to the ocean. Every time a movie with sailing or big boats came on the TV I absorbed it all in. When I was 12 we moved to Texas. Being in central Texas there isn't a ocean insight. I missed Hawaii, but at my age there is nothing I could do. Life went on and when I was 18 I met my future wife. We got married @ age 19. I loved the water and soon was able to afford my first boat. 

We started out looking for a sailboat, and we found one for only $1000 w/trailer. Boat looked good, but the rigging wasn't in great shape. I thanked the salesman and started to leave when he wanted to show us a boat that he just got on the lot 20 mins ago. He took us to this 14ft Bowrider. My wife really wanted it over the sailboat style, and since I didn't know how to sail I agreed. We would cruise up lake Travis as far as we could, exploring along the way. I owned 2 other power boats within about a 4 year span. We had alot of fun. For the most part all we did was ride up and down the lake, cruising is what we liked. We ended up selling those boats because we just couldn't stay out long enough due to a open cabin, and various other reasons.

For the past 2 years I haven't had a boat, and really missed the water. I came into some money and started looking at boats again. This time we looked at sailboats. At first it was small trailer boats 20ft-23ft. Once my wife got on them she said the cabins were to small to stay in overnight. I found a 1982 Catalina 25, and showed her this boat. She really liked it so we bought it.

Now being the owner of a 1982 Catalina 25 for 1 month now, I have learned to sail pretty good for no lessons. I have read several howto books, and been out on the boat about 5 times now. Since before even purchase I have been having a burning desire to cruise the coast to Florida or even the Bahamas. I have spent nearly 6 hours + a day reading cruising stories and guides. I have been consumed by sailing. We have stayed overnight on our boat twice so far, and I loved it.

Now for the "How?" part of this post.

My wife/mother of my 2 children, doesn't care for the idea of crusing the coast or staying aboard for any longer than overnight on the lake. She likes riding while I am sailing the boat. She also informed me that we don't need to goto the lake but every now and then. It almost seems as if she is the exact opposite of me right now.

So, what do I say to convince her to cruise? I feel as I need a escape from the grind of life. I feel that while we are pre-30 with 2 young kids that now is the time or we will never go. I want to go places and see things, and she wants to settle down and raise kids on land. I feel so confused, and frustrated. Any words from people that have been in this situation?


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

Don't convince her... get the book Changing Course, by Debra Cantrell.

Read it and then give it to your wife. This book is one of the best for couples, where one wants to sail away and cruise, and the other does not. But, as the book says, you can't force her into changing her mind without risking alienating her and causing resentment.

The book gives you the problems of cruising, as seen from the woman's perspective, and also gives you some of the answers to the questions she will be asking.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Ordered the book off amazon.com $3. Not sure if it will help but I will try anything at this point, short of knocking her on the head and she wake up @ sea haha...

I am just hoping to get her out on my 25ft more in the local lake if nothing else. It would be awesome to just explore the whole lake over a few days trip, but even that seems like I am asking to much. I look forward to this book.

Thanks


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## camaraderie (May 22, 2002)

Zev...I've seen a lot of cruises end over this conflict. One idea is to plan a charter vacation somewhere nice...BVI's and Bahamas (Abacos) would be 2 options...and try the whole family aboard for a couple of weeks. If everyone has a great time, maybe the dream will get transplanted. If not, at least you'll have had a nice vacation in an exotic place! 
Charters aren't cheap...but one might just be worth the investment in the long run.


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## Jim H (Feb 18, 2006)

Zevirii said:


> I feel that while we are pre-30 with 2 young kids that now is the time or we will never go. I want to go places and see things, and she wants to settle down and raise kids on land. I feel so confused, and frustrated. Any words from people that have been in this situation?


Two things-- you don't mention the ages of your young kids, and it's also not clear what it means "to go." For example, is your goal a week-long, month-long or years-long cruise?

The paragraph about about "or we will never go" sounds like you want a long break to sail, but so far you've only done a couple of overnights. Also, a lot of sailing parents I know, even those who were advanced racing couples before kids, have admitted that young kids will change a lot on the boat. If they're younger than five or seven, for example, one of the parents is often on kid duty while the other sails.

Anyway, your excitement is great, but maybe some intermediate goals are in order. If the kids weren't along, would your wife be more interested in sailing? In the future, would she consider some women-only sailing courses? Would she feel better if you both got some certifications? Are your kids old enough to enjoy sailing yet, or go out with only you?

Getting past the "I'm the passenger" part is a major consideration, and that may be tough if she's just not interested in sailing. As hinted above, why not try some semi-romantic "no kids along" sails, in which she could be more a beginning co-captain (who doesn't have to worry about the kids). A bottle of wine back at the dock might help...

The future, however, is always changing, and don't make too big of deal of the present. You've got years to gradually improve the situation, especially if your kids become sailors. Take your time-- you're got at least more ten years than I to sail. 

Jim H

p.s. I've read the Changing Course book, and it might be a little overkill given the stage you're at. Talking too much about "big changes" might be fun for some, but scary for others.


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## chuck711 (Dec 25, 2002)

In our 2 year cruise we met many couples cruising. In about 1/2 the cases the wife didn't care about cruising and some didn't even know how to start the engine much less do a tack. They went along for his dream.
Stayed ashore with the credit card as much as possible. The guy felt he
was luckier than most......
Kids..... we probably met 6 families out. The kids were really mature grown up and didn't have to be entertained. However even though as a Dad I was envious, I'm glad I left them at the dock. Most of the time I felt it was not the right environment for their upbringing. I'm torn on that issue.


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## astraeus (Jan 30, 2006)

I've been lucky in that department. My wife and I fell in love with sailing at the same time, even though I've probably spent more time learning to sail she loves getting away to the boat. Perhaps taking a sailing course together will spark her interest. I see my wife even more interested the more she learns and the more she does on the boat.


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

A bareboat charter, if you've got the sailing skills for it, in the BVI or out of Tortola, is an excellent introduction for your wife to the cruising lifestyle and sailing.


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## yachtsea (Aug 14, 2006)

Send the kids to summer camp, send the wife to a riding resort, meet them all in the caymens in a month. They can fly, you can get there however you want. Might want to inherit some money first, this plan is not cheap.


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## hellosailor (Apr 11, 2006)

There are folks who literally sail around the world--him sailing, her flying back and forth to home and skipping the long cruises between destination ports. (Helps to have money.)

More often either there is a divorce because him and her aren't working out issues, or a boat gets sold.

Sometimes it is simply that women have more common sense and want to build a warm dry comfortable nest, and sailing is cramped, wet, and just not as secure. Sometimes...a compromise can be reached if you can stretch into a boat with hot and cold pressure water and a head big enough to stand up in, with shower. Hot shower.

Sometimes she's just not secure about her (or your) sailing abilities and afraid to say that up front. Formal sailing lessons (separately!) can help that.

The big question is what she really is or isn't saying, whether she might consider a compromise on something important to you, or whether it is the choice of wife versus boat.

If she's willing to entertain the thought that a bigger boat MIGHT be acceptable...it might be worth looking into a charter on something larger, to see if that would work.

If she's afraid "for" the kids...it might be worth finding other couples with kids, and some of the books about sailing with kids, and pointing out that while the ocean may not be SAFE, it certainly doesn't have drive-by gang shootings, road rage, pediphiles, and all the other dangers that we're accustomed to ignoring on land.

Time to get a babysitter, export the kids, and settle the wife down for a long talk without any pressures.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

I know my skill level and cash level will prevent me from taking a long cruise in the near future. I simple want my wife to enjoy going out every free day we have, yet she looks at it like a chore to go. She enjoys herself once out there, but getting her to go out every week is a pain. I try and go by myself, but she throws a fit and makes me stay home. Partly because my skill set is still newbie. My kids are 2ys and 5 months. The youngest stays with a sitter, and the 2yr old loves the boat. 

I would be happy to sail a few hours a week and 1 weekend(2days+) stay on boat per month. But my ultimate goal is to convince her to liveaboard. I have looked at several 34ft - 50ft boats that we could afford, but she continues to bring the "too small living space" thing up. She wants alot of space, but doesn't want to maintain a big space. I am trying to explain to her sometimes less is more. Plus living aboard means easier access to cruising one day when my skills and family are ready.

So as you can see, I am not trying to jump the gun right into cruising tomorrow, but rather want to take steps to increase our time on boat. Main goal would be to liveaboard, which would lead to 1 to 3 month cruises. As far as the going now comment I made, it is more the time is right. My kids are young and aren't involved in school or activities yet. When looking for my current boat, I talked to several people that are parents that were selling due to not having the free time to even get to the lake due to soccer/dance/piano/etc... They settled into there careers and everything got kinda locked into place. I am not yet in my career of choice, so before I reach that "trap" for the next 30 years of my life, I want to adventure/explore. Even travel if she would let me.


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

Zevirii—

A lot of those concerns about space, downsizing, etc. are addressed in the Changing Course book. There are basically three types of people out cruising—sailing from place to place and living aboard.

1) Young people, who haven't gotten the whole career thing going, and are going out to sail before they get caught in the whole career routine. Many of these people do not return to a "normal" lifestyle. These people are usually on a limited budget and on a smaller boat. 

2) Middle-aged people, who take off a few years to take a break from the routine of their lives, to explore, travel, see parts of the world while they are still able to enjoy it. Most of these people are on sabbaticals, or extended leaves. Many of them do return to a "normal" life. Generally, these people are on a larger boat, and have a larger budget as well. Often, they bring their children along. 

3) Older people, who have retired and decided to downsize drastically, and want to spend the early part of their retirement seeing the world, and sailing around, until they are no longer capable of doing so. Many of these people also never really return to a "normal" life ashore. These people may be on different size boats, based on their abilities, health, resources, etc. Their budgets vary, depending on their resources as well. Often, they invite family members—childrren, grandchildren along for short periods of time, but generally do not have them along for the ride, as the middle-aged group often does. 

I hope this helps a bit. Read the book... Even if it is a bit further than you are currently considering, it makes some very good points, and may answer a lot of your questions, as well as those of your wife.


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## chrondi (Mar 24, 2004)

The only consolation to our friend Zevirii may be that his case is a rule and not the exception. On the other hand, a charter cruise in warmer climates (be carefull to choose the *right season*, not hot and humid/wet or hurricanes either!) will present a more pleasant aspect of sailing.
My advice is not to confront your wife, but try to work out a compromise. It's better to sacrifice a part of your sailing ambitions/dreams in exchange for her participation in some of your outings and assure peace at home. In the course of time, you both build experience (=confidence) and you gradually transform your ideas into concrete (new?) way of life.
BE PATIENT and you will fulfil what you wish and expect so much.


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## chuck711 (Dec 25, 2002)

I was lucky even though my girl and I met online, I guessed we were in the same sailing club. However I didn't tell her. Then real lucky when she said yes to selling her house and taking a cruise. We did charter for a week in St. Martin and she loved it. The real test was for 2 years on a Caribbean cruise ,my first mate, myself, an overgrown Sringer Spaniel and a 13 year cranky siamese cat on a Cal 33. We all passed!
Now back in the USA adjusting, getting a job, bought a house in the South and Cal 33 up for sale....Got Married!!! Yea!!!


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

chrondi said:


> My advice is not to confront your wife, but try to work out a compromise. It's better to sacrifice a part of your sailing ambitions/dreams in exchange for her participation in some of your outings and assure peace at home. In the course of time, you both build experience (=confidence) and you gradually transform your ideas into concrete (new?) way of life.
> BE PATIENT and you will fulfil what you wish and expect so much.


This is what the book says in large part.

Hey Chuck-

Congrats.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

I talked to her last night after the kids went to bed. Her main concerns are:

1.Space: cramped small area to live in.
2.Cost: Where we would get the cash to go cruising, or why I think we could save money living aboard.
3. Livingaboard: Kids have no place to play, and are stuck inside all the time. Plus them falling in the water if they get out of the cabin once they get older.
4. Moving away from parents: Parents are currently getting to involved in our lives for both of us, and we have talked about moving away to get some space, but she still thinks that our children need to see alot of them.
5. Changing Jobs: We have both worked in a factory for 9yrs now, and we are both burnt out, but we make good money so its hard to move to another place and change jobs.
6. Whim: She thinks this is just another whim of mine that will just pass in a few months. Because of this she is not willing to change her whole life for me. I have had some crazy whims in the past I must admit, but nothing this big or indepth.

So because of these reasons I think time is the best solution. I am just going to have to persue my interest in sailing when ever I get the chance, and maybe in a year or so from now, she will see this is not just another "whim", but a serious lifestyle that I think I would love. Until then hopefully I can do weekend to week long trips on our current boat and lake. I am kinda tempted to name my boat "Whimsical" now because of our talk. Just for laughs.


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

Many of the cruising books address those same issues: Space, Cost, Living aboard with children, moving away, and changing careers/lifestyles.

Naming your boat "Whimsical" might be funny, might back fire... 

Before you make any decisions, do some research first. Get the facts, and learn what your options are. Also, learn what the arguments for and against a "cruising" lifestyle are, as well as what the reasons for going cruising are.


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## hellosailor (Apr 11, 2006)

Burnout is a good reason for a major getaway and change of pace. But I think burnout is also more common because if you have that well-paying job (and at this point some seniority at it) they are getting harder to find and replace.

The issues of kids being bored or sunsafe on the boat..well..there are the books others have mentioned, and I'd suggest asking you local library if they can bring them in (many have interlibrary loan systems) since they probably won't be in stock and books can be pricey these days.

Something that might be a win-win situation would be to leave the kids with the grandparents for a weekend, or two long days, while the two of you sneak off for some formal sailing lessons, which should bolster your skills and confidence AND give you a break from some of the routine grind. Everyone gets some fun out of that, and it should cost way less than a trip to DisneyWorld.<G>

One way to tell if something is a whim or not, is to pick a timeframe. Six months? A year? And decide what to do during that time, vs. when it has passed.

I think anyone who has spent time on boats would tell your wife that sailing can be a great thing for kids. It teaches many skills, imbues a mindset that is all too absent from regular life in the US today. You can't just go to the 7-11 for a gallon of milk at 9PM on a boat, so you learn to budget the groceries and plan ahead. "Mom, I don't want that for dinner. There's nothing in the fridge!" Well...here's the icebox, there's the ocean, let's make the best of it and you can help plan it better next time. But throwing a fit? Won't work on the ocean. And that 7-11 or McBurger joint isn't getting closer any faster.<G>

You can't just sail off without checking the weather (plan ahead) and if you leave something on deck and the boat tacks, it is either broken or overboard, with no way to replace it. So you learn situational awareness (something that's pretty much lost today) and responsibility. And when you do the little things, like trim a sail "just right", you get the feedback from what you've done there too. Want the boat to sail fast or smooth? You learn that it doesn't matter what or how you feel about the others in the crew, either you pull together and make it work--or it doesn't work. You learn teamwork in a way that Little League or school team sports just doesn't teach it.

There's a lot of magic in what sailing does to the sailor. Mention sailing and racing in a resume or interview, and it passes right over the heads of most people. But if they've also done it--you score immediate points, because they know some of the things you've learned, and they know those things pay off in life and business.

There are worse things a kid can learn, and be exposed to, on land.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

astraeus said:


> I see my wife even more interested the more she learns and the more she does on the boat.


Many couples go out sailing, but only the husband is actually Sailing, while the wife is on "kid watch". The Best way to enthusiast your partner is to engage her in the fun of sailing, as it is a very fun and challanging sport.
The only time I put the rags up is when we can leave the small ones home with granny(god bless her)

E.


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## Jim H (Feb 18, 2006)

Zevirii said:


> So because of these reasons I think time is the best solution. I am just going to have to persue my interest in sailing when ever I get the chance, and maybe in a year or so from now, she will see this is not just another "whim", but a serious lifestyle that I think I would love.


I think you're on the right track, but look out for the "I" statements... 

At the moment, my wife loves sailing as much as I, and she's not going to let me get ASA certifications that she doesn't have, so we're both budging time and money for the 105 and 106 certifications next summer (offshore prep). Given her enthusiasm over the last 18 months, I don't think her interest is going to fade, but she's serious about being well-prepared if we have the kids along, meaning that we won't have an offshore boat before we have real experience.

Now, if I rolled the clock back to when my son was 2 and my daugher 5 months old, none of this would be occurring. I doubt I could have even managed to buy or own a boat. As much as my wife likes sailing today, our focus was really on the kids when they were so young.

Just an opinion-- but I don't think we would have been super comfortable doing any sort of week-long cruises until our kids were five years old and up. Other families sail with newborns, other moms are fine with two year-olds aboard, but in our case five was the number. Until then, we did more kid-centered vacations and weekend stuff. I don't have regrets-- kids grow up wicked fast anyway, so really the break from certain things is minor in the long run.

So, take your time. Enjoy the sub-three years. It'll all be a memory soon.

Meanwhile, I need to go hop in the car and drive to our boat. We're taking out the kids and two members of my wife's club for a sail tonight.

Jim H


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

Just remember... you need to involve your wife...not bludgeon her into doing what you want her to. It will work much better if she is an active and willing participant.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Today my wife went into town shopping with her mother. I was at home reading all these posts and started thinking "What am I doing, I could be on the boat right now". So I grab my things and head out there for a day of solo sailing. Once there my wife calls and says "where ya at?" I said "At the lake.". She started the lecture of going out there by myself stuff, but ended in "just be careful". I get the boat all ready. Taxi out of the marina with decent wind. Hoisted the sails. Wind dies to 1 kt with maybe 3kt gusts. I couldn't believe it. Stayed out there for 3 hours with no change, and finally just motored back in and took a swim.

I get home and my wife started saying "I am mad at you"(jokingly). I said "why?". She said "Because I wanted to go to". I said "Really?" She said "Yes, but I was going to go with you tomorrow, but now you already went so never mind now"!! We both laughed but I know I still am not going to get to go tomorrow.. haha


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

And tomorrow, you'll probably have enough wind to sail..


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Hi Zevirii! Your passion for sailing is wonderful. We (my husband, me, and our 2 daughters ages 7&4) are moving aboard our boat in about 2 weeks. I have come a long way to get to this point. I have always loved being on the water. We have been very fortunate to have spent the last 5 years sailing and cruising around the Pacific Northwest with our friends that live aboard with their 2 children (they have mostly been raised on the boat). My husband has always been interested in living aboard and cruising, and it took some time for me to get there. He has been very patient for me to "come around". Having that room to make my own decision made a world of difference for me. Here's a couple of things that made all the difference in the world for me: 3, 1 to 2 week cruises around the San Juans (WA) within approx. 2 years. We had our kids with us and our friends had thiers and even with the chaos it was amazing to see how well our children took to it. The other big thing was taking a sailing coarse. I felt I could finally contribute while on our boat (we had a 28 ft. Sun Yacht). It really clicked for me after I took the sailing class. 

I'm not trying to say that this is what will change your wife's mind, but rather, the steps I took that worked for me. I think the best thing you could do would be to not push, keep sailing those day trips and overnighters, and charter or find friends that you can cruise with for a week or so. One other idea would be to bring another adult along while you sail, so your wife can participate more and still have someone to watch the munchkin(s).

When we bought our 28 ft. boat, our youngest was about 5 months old. There were periods that we could go sailing no problem, and others where it was just too hard with the kids. Many times I thought to myself, "there's no way we could live on a boat. Our friends are crazy for living aboard with kids!" Now look at us!

Best wishes,
Shari


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

Shari-

Just curious...what size/brand/make boat are you moving onto??


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## eryka (Mar 16, 2006)

Zevirii said:


> I know my skill level and cash level will prevent me from taking a long cruise in the near future. I simple want my wife to enjoy going out every free day we have, yet she looks at it like a chore to go. She enjoys herself once out there, but getting her to go out every week is a pain.


Zev - Any chance that it is a chore? I'm keying on the fact that you say she has fun once you're out there. So if its fun, why doesn't she want to go more often? Is she dreading the extra workload from those getaway weekends? The cruising world seeems to divide jobs into "pink' and 'blue' along very traditional lines. Esp. with small kids, is it truly more work for her? Like, who packs for the trip, makes the meals, and does the laundry when you get home? How to de-link the fun of sailing, with the work of also maintaining your everyday life back on land? Just a thought - I noticed you got more comments from guys than women with your Q.

That may not be your situation, but I'm surprised at how many couples I know that are pretty even about the division of labor on land, slip into 'traditional' roles on the boat. he's on deck, sailing with the wind in his face, she's down below in the galley (and its a lot lessfun there...)

Shari - We LOVE living aboard! Welcome, and congrats!


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## Jeff_H (Feb 26, 2000)

When I was still married, my wife also began to feel like the boat was a bit more work than she would prefer. Over time our roles shifted from something like an equal partnership, to me getting the boat cleaned up, fully loaded and ready to go so that she basically just had to step aboard and go. Once under way I did the majority of the sailing, nav and maintenance functions plus the cooking. She took the helm when she wanted. We split the remaining 'pink functions' such as dish cleaning and bunk making. In other words the idea was that was easy for her to come along for the ride. From my perspective, it was kind of like sailing with a passenger, which frankly was acceptable to me, certainly beating the alternative. By the same token, my wife had pretty much completely lost interest in daysailing, so I began doing a lot of single-handing or sailing with friends. 

Jeff


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Sailing Dog- We are moving onto a Transpac 49. It is on it's way from Hawaii as we speak. It's about 5 days out from the washington coast. 

Eryka-Thanks for the welcome! I agree with everything you were saying. I am staying at home with the kids, so all the prep and clean up work would often fall on my shoulders (no one's fault, it was just that my husband wasn't home from work enough to do the other stuff). This was especially true while the kids were younger. It wasn't until I took a sailing coarse that I felt I could really be a part of the experience of sailing (wind in the hair  . It made the prep work less of an issue knowing I would be truly participating. 

Jeff- You've got a good point. If you don't feel you're an important part of the boat, whether it be prep work, clean up, or cooking, it can really detatch a person from the boat.

Zev- I hope all the info doesn't overwhelm you! Finding a way that your wife is both comfortable and sometimes challenged with the boat would be key. Keep us updated on how things are going!

Shari


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

Congrats Shari.... love to see some photos of it when you get on board.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

We both pack everything equally, and load the car and boat together if not more me doing this than her. However I guess the "chore" part of it is we live 75 miles from our marina. So this makes for a hour or so drive one way. Once there we have to unload and haul everything like a couple of football field lenths to our boat due to low water right now. With my 2yr old son there are extra bags, plus the tools and such I have been bringing to get some of the work I need to do. Time the trip is over it takes almost 5 or 6 hours of travel packing/unpacking clean up for 5 or so hours of sailing.

When we bought the boat the idea was to daysail for me once a week and overnight once a month. But after the work involved getting to and from the lake she would rather just overnight once a month and skip the day sailing.

I know some people are like "why not move closer?". The answer is babysitters/cost of living. We save alot of money living where we are in a small town were she grew up at. Problem is everything is 1 hour away. However I figure some of the expenses out and I think we could liveaboard a larger boat for the same price we are living at now. Only problem is child care when we our @ work. 

Oh well, I will just take it slow as sugested. See if I can turn the overnighters into 2 or 3 days once a month and see if that makes up for the packing/unpacking. I know if I had a freshwater shower onboard she would love the boat that much more! haha


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## sailingdog (Mar 19, 2006)

Zevirii said:


> Oh well, I will just take it slow as sugested. See if I can turn the overnighters into 2 or 3 days once a month and see if that makes up for the packing/unpacking. I know if I had a freshwater shower onboard she would love the boat that much more! haha


A freshwater shower isn't all that hard to fit in...if you're willing to accept a few compromises. If you want more info on what I'm working on, send me a PM.


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## lyre (Aug 23, 2006)

*its a deep hook*

I sense that any who have found the spirit to endeavor the water are drawn by questions such as yours.
Sailing whether on a lake or at sea is an endless process of learning. So learn and enjoy. In time your subtle enthusiasm will be appreciated.

If you want to sail with your wife, then ensure that it is a pleasurable experience for her. Sail together without the little ones as much as possible, then when of age introduce them slowly. 
Be Competent! and then some.
If your wife is anything like mine, the comfort level is slow to come, but after all I've found a partner in all aspects of the dream. ( she's ripped due to old winches)

Senior Ernesto has altered this years dream, but we've learned that for us, the primary aspects of sailing are the dream, intelligence,preparedness and most of all flexibility. so loosen up, relax an enjoy the time you have on the water, eventually your wife will too.


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