# Kids or cruising first?



## ChristinaM

We're in our late 20s and definitely going cruising at some point for 2-3 years but the big question is when. A few differing strong opinions would definitely help with our choices. So, given the choice, which of these options would you choose and why?

Go cruising as a couple, then have kids later and hope to pull together enough cash to go with kids later (might head over the Europe)
Have kids sooner, then wait til they're 5-10 years old to go cruising
Do a shorter cruise on a smaller boat as a couple, then have kids and have more hope of pulling off a second cruise later (definitely not making it to Europe)


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## Donna_F

Hi Christina,

We chose Option 4: not to have kids at all. 

But anyone who answers can only say what worked best for_ them_. Only you and your partner know your heart and your circumstances enough to know what will work best for you.

I will say, though, that there are plenty of cruising parents out there even with young children. Wanting to do one doesn't always have to rule out the other. If we wanted children, I would not hesitate to raise them on board. Here are two families that I follow:

Rock2Rock

Toast Floats

Good luck with the decision.


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## Faster

I don't think the two are mutually exclusive, and I believe children that have grown up in the cruising environment gain in many ways over a conventional home/school upbringing as long as you're able to cover basic education needs..

Or do this in the preschool years...


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## bljones

Just go.

The rest will take care of itself.


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## CapnBilll

My first few years out of college were pretty much wasted careerwise anyway. Jobs in my chosen profession were scarce, and wanted older, experienced. 

If I had it to do over again I would have spent those years cruising, and when I got back with a little more life experience, I would have still had plenty of time to build career.

Instead I spent the time flipping burgers, and getting into debt.


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## smackdaddy

Go cruising first. We waited 7 years after we were married to have kids - and had a blast.

And trust me, if you're fertile, kids will naturally sprout from hanging out with each other on a gently rocking boat in the tropics under the influence of booze.


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## jackdale

I met a couple in Turkey who had a three-year old and an eighteen- month old. They had been cruising for 5 years. It does not have to be either-or.


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## AdamLein

We are hoping it does not have to be either-or either. Trying to figure out how to cast off in about five years. I'm a bit older than you and I'm discovering that most things are easier when you're young.

Now that I have a kid and realize what I've been missing, I kinda wish I had started having kids earlier.

Now that I have a boat and realized what I've been missing, I kinda wish I had started sailing earlier, too.

If they are both in your dreams, go for both. Good crew is hard to come by; so is a good education. Seems like an obvious match to me.


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## smackdaddy

Check out the Fuzzles, my favorite BFS'n family, for some awe-inspiring tales of cruising...then kids:

bumfuzzle.com


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## Swift Drift

Another vote for go now! If it's for you guys, you'll love it enough so that you'll find a way to do it with kids as well. I'm in a somewhat similar position. My mantra is the more you can establish as a lifestyle prior to kids, the better chance that lifestyle is a reality when you have kids. My parents did cool stuff with me (sailing being one of them) and I couldn't imagine not giving kids a similar experience.Seen too many people get bogged down in middle aged kid raising activities and ultimately postponed some huge dreams until retirement..... And it doesn't have to be that way!


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## FromINtoKN

being the father of a young daugther, i suggest go now. Enjoy the company of your wife and the world. You are only young once. This trip will give you the expierece that when the kids get old enough to be trusted more so around the water, you will be set to go again.


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## CaptainForce

We cruised before we had our children, but they were cruising with us from babies until they left as adults. We never saw that there was an exclusive choice children and cruising.


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## Minnewaska

There is a significant missing variable. Money.

There are ways to limit expenses, if you are totally handy with repairs, but cruising to Europe for a couple of years will be costly. Adding children and their care and medical expenses will increase that notably. Do you have the financial ammo to choose from any of your scenarios?

If you plan to have kids and wait until your early thirties for your first, it will also be a higher risk pregnancy or potentially harder to conceive.

My conclusion on all matters of when to have kids, when to marry, whether to travel as a kid before starting a career is ........ go exclusively with your gut. You can't be wrong, there is no clear right and wrong. Life will toss curves balls at any plan you try to set in stone anyway.


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## ChristinaM

I think the general sentiment here echos my feelings: just go and we'll find a way to go again with kids. I'm pretty sure I'll end up pulling any kids out of public education for a least a year anyway. I learned a lot more just spending time with my parents as a kid than I did in school, at least during elementary. Swift Drift, my parents were always planning to have kids (they wanted 6, ended up with 3) but still took time to establish a life and hobbies before we were born. I'm only realizing the wisdom of that now.

Worst case, we'll just end up doing shorter sailing vacations with kids on a bigger, slower boat than we need for that kind of sailing.

Minnewaska, since we're a few years into less than satisfying but sufficiently well paid careers, we know we can pull off either 3 years now or 2-3 years later with kids. I'll involve liquidating just about everything we own (except the Hobie Tiger, I'm told we own that for life  ). It's the finances that make it potentially an either-or decision. I think we'd have a hard time topping up the cruising kitty sufficiently while raising 2 kids until they're roughly school age. I'd trust my gut but it's pretty irresponsible. It wants to totally ignore the difference between having kids at 29 vs 35 and just doesn't care about money at all.

Smackdaddy, re: fertility & boating, it's my understanding that hormone-based contraceptives aren't effective if you feel them to the fishes, hence the ease of accidentally adding to a cruising crew. I've never been seasick but I'd rather not experience it for the first time along with morning sickness. And beer-less cruising just isn't right.

If we go now, maybe my in-laws won't flip out so badly when we go with kids.


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## svHyLyte

FWIW, we never enjoyed our travels aboard the yacht so much as we did with our daughter aboard, even when she was a tiny little girl. While not alway easy, there is something about sharing the joyful wonder of ones' child's discoveries that cannot be equaled and makes all of the effort worth it and more.


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## arknoah

Here's another blog resource or a family that has cruised for 9 years, most with their three boys:

Simply Sailing Online

I really enjoy reading Connie's thoughts and reflections. You may find them useful as well. As Donna said, it's all about what works for you.

Good luck!


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## Cruisingdad

Boy, this could be a long topic.

I think in some respects you will enjoy it more without kids, and in some respects you will enjoy it more with kids.

The without is nice because it is more carefree. It can be a smaller boat. You really get to explore with each other. I am a big advocare of not having kids until you are REALLY ready and have done many things with your life that you enjoy doing as a couple. You can simply be more carefree without kids.

On the flip, as I am sure many here know, we have always had the kiddos with us and I am not sure it will ever be the same without them. I have found that the only thing more fun than snorkeling over a reef is snorkeiling over a reef with my kids for the first time! THe first time they are watching a great barracuda swimming right beside them, or watch an Eagle Ray glide underneath, or dive down holding their breath while the grunts and yellow fins swarm aroun you by the thousands. I have seen so many cool things and the boat felt like more of a home with the kids. THe flip side is that when the kids are young, we had to stay within a reasonable distance of a doctor. THe first storm (or hurricane) you weather aboard with your kids there will put a while new level to the word stress. A nice, quiet evening in the cockpit is a rarity as they want to go fishing. Escaping the kids is almost impossible as you are stuck on a 40 foot boat together.

I believer that taking off and doing long distance cruising with kids on board is a risky factor most are either unwilling to take or try (and find it is too difficult or dangerous for their comfort level). I would suggest honing your skills as a sailor and learning your boat before any long distance stuff. If you ever want to chat about any of this, drop me a pm and I will be happy to discuss over the phone.

Brian


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## chall03

We are currently cruising with our 9 month old onboard and having a ball. We love having her along, she is an enhancement to the experience, and certainly for us was not a reason to not go. I think she will obviously get more out of the experience when she is older and so our intention is to go again in a few years.

However to be honest there are times that we certainly wish we had done more cruising before we had her. The carefree romantic swims with just the two of us are few and far between, sundowners with other cruisers come to an abrupt end when madam is hungry and tired. Everything takes longer and requires more planning and organization. An afternoon ashore, bushwalking and swimming requires the planning of a small military operation. However having kids changes your life not matter what you are doing, and the benefits of cruising with her for us far outweigh the inconvenience.

I do agree with CD, the first time I was in a storm with my daughter was a very sobering experience. Thankfully we had pondered issues of safety long and hard before we left and knowing she would be on the boat completely changed my approach to safety. While I have never been I believe an irresponsible sailor, I have perhaps in the past as an ex-racer been happy to push boats and take gambles with my own safety.

I would say to you go now, and go again later. Life changes quickly, If you go now and love it, you would be surprised how you will find a way to make it work financially again later with kids. The benefit of going now is that it will build your confidence and experience, this will make the cruising with kids much easier and less stress.


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## MarshB

Follow what you want, Kids, when they grew up can be brought to cruising with you..


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## Cruisingdad

chall03 said:


> We are currently cruising with our 9 month old onboard and having a ball. We love having her along, she is an enhancement to the experience, and certainly for us was not a reason to not go. I think she will obviously get more out of the experience when she is older and so our intention is to go again in a few years.
> 
> However to be honest there are times that we certainly wish we had done more cruising before we had her. The carefree romantic swims with just the two of us are few and far between, sundowners with other cruisers come to an abrupt end when madam is hungry and tired. Everything takes longer and requires more planning and organization. An afternoon ashore, bushwalking and swimming requires the planning of a small military operation. However having kids changes your life not matter what you are doing, and the benefits of cruising with her for us far outweigh the inconvenience.
> 
> I do agree with CD, the first time I was in a storm with my daughter was a very sobering experience. Thankfully we had pondered issues of safety long and hard before we left and knowing she would be on the boat completely changed my approach to safety. While I have never been I believe an irresponsible sailor, I have perhaps in the past as an ex-racer been happy to push boats and take gambles with my own safety.
> 
> I would say to you go now, and go again later. Life changes quickly, If you go now and love it, you would be surprised how you will find a way to make it work financially again later with kids. The benefit of going now is that it will build your confidence and experience, this will make the cruising with kids much easier and less stress.


Great post as always, and good looking girl. Saw your writeup in the other thread. Great to see you are having a ball!!!

Brian


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## casey1999

So what finally happened? Did you have kids, go sailing or both? The problem I have with kids after sailing for 4 years they have both decided they hate sailing. The boy suffers from sea sickness and the girl rather do other things. Sometimes I joke I am selling everthing and we are going cruising, not even my wife likes that idea. But when I retire I got some plans.


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## ChristinaM

bljones said:


> Just go.
> 
> The rest will take care of itself.


We went with bljones's advice. Bought a 34' sailboat, sold nearly everything (including the Hobie Tiger  ), moved aboard a few months ago and need to start heading south in a week or so. The current plan is to cruise 1-3 years, i.e., until we're tired of it or the money runs out. At that point we'll still be plenty young enough to keep up with toddlers if we so choose.

I'm not comfortable making decisions for the person I'll be after a few years of cruising, so future me will have to figure all of that out. But I'm pretty sure they'll opt to go cruising again, sooner or later.

(BTW, in case anyone comes across this later: It's extremely difficult and expensive to get long-term health insurance that covers pregnancy, even if you promise not to be in the US very much. The few options I found would have cost nearly much as just paying up front for what little they would cover for 2 kids in 5 years. And you had to start paying for the pregnancy rider from the very start of your coverage even though they wouldn't cover it for the first year. If it happens we'll just have to follow in the Bumfuzzle's footsteps and have our own set of "Mexicans".)


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## Don L

ChristinaM said:


> ?
> 
> Go cruising as a couple, ...................................





I'm not going to read the thread other than the original question.

If you are able do the above.

Worry about kids later (if you really want the best answer I can send you my kids who are 30 & 26 and I will go cruising for you)!


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## Group9

GO ............. NOW! 

I'm 56. I dreamed about cruising from the time I was 18. I didn't go until I was 51. The entire cruise, all I kept thinking was, "This is so much fun. Why the hell didn't I do this when I was younger?" I'm trying to set my next cruise up right now.

GO................NOW.


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## casey1999

ChristinaM said:


> We went with bljones's advice. Bought a 34' sailboat, sold nearly everything (including the Hobie Tiger  ), moved aboard a few months ago and need to start heading south in a week or so. The current plan is to cruise 1-3 years, i.e., until we're tired of it or the money runs out. At that point we'll still be plenty young enough to keep up with toddlers if we so choose.
> 
> I'm not comfortable making decisions for the person I'll be after a few years of cruising, so future me will have to figure all of that out. But I'm pretty sure they'll opt to go cruising again, sooner or later.
> 
> (BTW, in case anyone comes across this later: It's extremely difficult and expensive to get long-term health insurance that covers pregnancy, even if you promise not to be in the US very much. The few options I found would have cost nearly much as just paying up front for what little they would cover for 2 kids in 5 years. And you had to start paying for the pregnancy rider from the very start of your coverage even though they wouldn't cover it for the first year. If it happens we'll just have to follow in the Bumfuzzle's footsteps and have our own set of "Mexicans".)


I think you made a good decision. I did some crewing for a couple whom had 3 kids from 1 year to 9 years aboard their boat. They sailed twice around the world with the kids and enjoyed it. One of the kids not so much.

Here is a link if interested:
http://expedition-sailing-vessel.co...-sea-anti-pelagic-drift-netting-campaign.html

I never really felt good when we hit big storms (some with 80 knot winds and 40 foot seas- we were on a 85 foot sv) with the kids aboard as I always worried how they would fare if the boat did sink and we had to get into a life raft. Hypothermia becomes a big issue for a young child as well as phsical strength that may be needed for survival. Also, you never know how a birth might go. My own kid cost about $65k due to birthing problems, lucky the insurance covered.


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## northoceanbeach

Here is my strong opinion.

People on here will tell you that you can have both. They will post links to blogs for proof. Well, I can post you links to people that have circumnavigated nonstop solo. It doesn't mean it's easy or common.

I would say less than one in a hundred boats I see out cruising have kids on them. I almost never see a younger couple out sailing with kids, usually it's grandparents boats.

Whether someone likes kids or not, you have to admit they make it much, much, much harder to buy a boat and go set out. It's already hard and overwhelming enough to do, why make it harder? 

Kids are expensive, but extremely time consuming. So are boats, if you are not experts I see no way to devote your time to both.

I think people without kids see other couples and get the deluded impression that it's not so hard. They see a few cute moments and want that. They aren't seeing all the dirt and filth, and crying and endless nights and hours each day that you could be laying on the couch together researching where you want to travel?

If you don't cruise soon, you probably won't until you are retired. If there was a poll on here of who is cruising, they would almost all be retired, the rest, the young ones, would not have kids.

Just enjoy each other anyways, the world is hard enough without making it harder on yourselves.

I'm sure most people with kids secretly regret their decision, but there is so much peer pressure that it's taboo to mention it. So people slave their lives away and it's pretty much been thrown in the trash. But maybe they also don't realize it. Maybe they don't know what could have been if they hadn't destroyed their bodies and health and finances, any time spent just together. It's too late, but what if. What if you chose a different path and bought a boat and learned and sailed wherever you wanted? Would you look back at life remembering the times you shared your love together in Tahiti and Fiji, or at that cafe in Cingua Terra, Barcelona, Turkey, and have regrets?


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## northoceanbeach

And there is Rebel Heart, did they get mentioned yet?


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## CaptainForce

Many of the negatives about kids on boats don't apply if the children live aboard from infancy instead of moving to the boat in transition from a house. There's also a difference in coastal cruising and having a slip when not cruising. My wife and I, both public school teachers, remained in a slip during the 190 days of the year that we were employed and cruised during summers and holidays. We also had the benefit of our schedules being identical with our children's school hours. We spent many summers in the Bahamas and the Florida Keys. Cruising with just my wife is wonderful, but cruising with our children was always a joy without regrets. My daughter and son-in-law now live on their vessel with my grandson. There is not one answer, one style of cruising, or one expected outcome. Families can have failures or successes on shore or on boats.


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## flandria

Fancy meeting you, ChristinaM, Jeff and Marcus (for the others: Marcus is the canine crew who also needs "care"), just as you are about to depart. You have crossed your Rubicon and are on the way.

No advice from me! But am I allowed a tiny bit of envy?

Be well, safe and happy!


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## Daniela Poirier

Hello! I'm sure, I am late for this response. Anyway, Cruising is real exciting and great but It could be more enjoyable and interesting with the whole family. My view here is to consider your kids first


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## joelpackard

Go now. So much is easier without kids. If they come along during the voyage, so be it.


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## MarkofSeaLife

Family is great! If the budget runs a bit low you can sell the kids one by one.


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## ChristinaM

Thanks all for the advice but it's been 4.5 years since I posted this so the decisions have mostly been made. We did our cruise as a couple while we're young-ish and not too committed to anything. We'll have lived on the boat for about 2.5 years before we have to go back to land life and be responsible money earners for a bit. It's been a great chapter in our lives but I am looking forward to having a real flush toilet and fridge that isn't top loading.


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## Donna_F

Thank you so much for the follow up. We don't often find out how an OP ended up down the road.


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## Sal Paradise

Hey! Thanks for the check back!! Where did you go?


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## ChristinaM

Sal Paradise said:


> Hey! Thanks for the check back!! Where did you go?


South & north & south & starting to go north again  Further south point was St Anne, Martinique. Furthest north since we started was the Magdalen Islands in the Gulf of St Lawrence. We've got a blog with lots of photos if you're interested: SailingAltera.com

*First Trip South*
Started in Penetang on Georgian Bay, Lake Huron on Sept 22, 2014.
Thru Lake Huron & Erie, then the Welland Canal.
Toronto then down the Oswego & Erie Canals and out the Hudson to Atlantic Highlands, NJ
2 days outside to Hampton, VA (first removal of toques!)
Sally Dawg Rally to North Sound, BVIs
Slept for most of 2 weeks 

Hung out for ~3 months between the BVIs and USVI. Then Culebra, Puerto Rico's south shore, Bahamas (Mayaguana, Long Island, Georgetown, Exumas, Eleuthera, Abacos)

*Back North*
Marsh Harbour to Beaufort, NC.
Then quickly to Isle Madame, Cape Breton, Nova Scotia to leave the boat and fly to a wedding, via Atlantic City & Martha's Vineyard.
After visiting with family / enjoying indoor showers again we did a loop :
- Canso Causeway 
- PEI
- Magdalen Islands
- Around the north end of Cape Breton to Ingonish
- Thru Bras d'Or

*South Again*
After another wedding in September:
- Cape Breton -> Newport, RI
- NYC for a week
- Through the Delaware & Chesapeake, including the Annapolis Boat Show
- SDR again out of Hampton, VA
- 1 month in USVI/BVIs
- St Martin
- Antigua & Barbuda
- Guadeloupe & Les Saintes
- Martinique
- St Barth's

And we're back in the USVI now with guests visiting. Should start the trek north by hopping to Culebra next week. We'll go through PR and the Bahamas and probably just make a few stops on the US east coast.

Still debating whether to be on the Great Lakes in July to enjoy them or whether to go to Newfoundland and up the St Lawrence.


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## roverhi

04
e went pre kids. I'd just turned 32 and wife 29 when we left. Had a great time on our W32 through French Polynesia. Wife came down with our first son on Moorea so we sailed back to Kona. Plenty of time to establish a career and raise the kids. Only regret was not leaving sooner. If you wait you fall into that twilight zone where you'll be too old to be marketable in the business world If you decide to rejoin the real world and the possibility of fate playing you a dirty trick.


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## SailingJoanne

Swift Drift said:


> Another vote for go now! If it's for you guys, you'll love it enough so that you'll find a way to do it with kids as well. I'm in a somewhat similar position. My mantra is the more you can establish as a lifestyle prior to kids, the better chance that lifestyle is a reality when you have kids. My parents did cool stuff with me (sailing being one of them) and I couldn't imagine not giving kids a similar experience.Seen too many people get bogged down in middle aged kid raising activities and ultimately postponed some huge dreams until retirement..... And it doesn't have to be that way!


Well said! :boat :


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## DeadBrilliant

Definitely go now. Kids are great, but going just the two of you sounds like the most straightforward option. Once kids enter the picture, you'll have a better sense of whether cruising as a family is a good fit for you.


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## neoxaero

Interesting perspective and thanks for the follow up for letting everyone know which way you guys went.

My wife and I are expecting our first child in September (So.Freaking.Excited). We're hoping to go cruising post hurricane season 2017. I think the addition of a kid will make the whole experience much more rewarding. 

Young kids while cruising will allow us to actually get to raise our child ourselves instead of paying someone else to raise him until he's school aged. Then depend on a teacher to raise him the majority of the day after that. Cruising will allow both of us the opportunity to get to know our child better than a land based life will and raise him in the manner we see fit. We'll be able to instill in him values that we think are important for good adult humans to have.


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