# just can''t help it.



## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

I am wondering why "Hersailnet" is so quiet. I read the messages because a woman''s perspective is important. Actively looking for a first mate, its scarry to be wondering if there is a female lack of interest... Maybe its just the message boards and actually all the females are sailing while some of us are just writing about it! Yikes, caught myself. Anyway, some good ideas and discussions have been found here. I will keep checking. 
I am curious mostly about home-schooling, maybe more for future grandchildren, but have enough experience to know the ocean and the boat are very close to ideal for children.
Hope this message board sees some activity and gets going. No question is bad, all are good. Curiosity is a gift, and part of why we are all here and why we want to sail. 
Paul


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## kokopelli9 (Aug 16, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

You guessed it right, Paul. We''re all out sailing! 

kokopuff....


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## lauralee (Feb 26, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

Sorry, Paul, my hands have been too dirty to touch the keyboard (from replacing the water pump impeller impeller on the old MD2B.) Also replaced the throttle cable and controls. Just too busy to write or sail, but---- about home schooling for "future" grandchildren???? Gee what are the parents going to be doing? Now you''ve really got me curious!! Are you planning to be the major care taker of grandchildren?


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

Hey Laural,
No not a major care taker, just excited about the prospects having grandchildren on the boat someday. Do you have grandchildren?
I didn''t have a boat when my kids were young, so, its like a second chance to share the experience and majic with little ones. I had also hoped my folks could have done more with my children. they didn''t and I won''t make the same mistake.
Well, is the MD2B running now?
Paul


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## lauralee (Feb 26, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

Yes (finally!)the engine is up and running again. It''s truly great that you want to plan ahead on spending time with your grandchildren. Don''t be too hard though on your parents choice. People have to work through their relationships and some find it difficult be giving of their time. You sound like a new parents dream in that you want to spend time with your grandchildren. I don''t have grandkids yet, but lots of little friends. : )

I have found it''s important to teach kids to enjoy sailing when they are young. Teach them to swim and how to sail (all the technical stuff) so they can do it themselves. Kids are doers! So keep them involved and make it fun! Explain everything with love and enthusiam and you will be rewarded by seeing them fall in love with sailing.

Also recognize the fact that as they grow into the teen years their time becomes more and more their own. So be ready to let them go if they dump a day with Grandpa for a chance to jetski with friends.

Happy Sailing!!!
Lauralee


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

Just got a 41 Morgan. Our Christmas list suddenly got longer I don''t know what she''ll be like since we haven''t yet moved her from the dock. I''ve been running around trying to find that coast guard class for new sailors. He wants diesel mechanic''s class. This is his second sailboat but I am still a wannabe. Any advise is appreciated. Nana Liz


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## Nereus32 (Jun 23, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

Okay all you grand parent types. Here''s my grandparent dilema. My wife and I are close to going cruising. We have a beautiful and lively 14 month old daughter who really enjoys nature and good times. Our plan is to relocate from Nevada to a location closer to her grandparents (Michigan and Florida) and other relatives with Florida being most likely final destination. The decision to move is two fold - our belief that it is important for our daughter to have regular interaction with other family members and Las Vegas is not the place we want to raise our child.

The tentative plan is to use the opportunity of the move to take 10 months and cruise from the Great Lakes, through the NY canals and down the east coast, bahamas, FL keys to the Tampa Bay area, where we will settle back into landbased lives. The problem is the grandparents. They don''t want us to take the baby as it is unsafe (they say). Our boat is a well founded and stout Westsail 32 with a secure berth for the child. My plan is to cruise safely and leasurely. Financially, we have enough money for the cruise plus a healthy 1+ years salary in the bank when we arrive to get started with. It truely is an opportunity of a lifetime that I am sure we won''t ever regret. Instead of working six days a week in Las Vegas, I can spend everyday, 24/7 with my family (wife, daughter, dog, cat) in my most favorite place (boat). Almost sounds too good to be true.

Question is, how do we sell this to our parents who think we are making a big mistake because it is either foolhardy to sail away with a child or it financially irresponsible to quit a perfectly good job when I have a family to support?


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

Alot of what you say confuses me. Are you the Grand Parent? It doesn''t sound like you are that close to retirement, are you? This may be a thought not held by many but the rasing of a family is a parents #1 job. If you can make a living for your family and provid the kids witha stable family home and still cruise great, if not sail in Lake Mead on the weekends and provide for your kids. make your plans and have your dream all ready for when you have got that job done. That is where I am at right now. I am sailing every day I can. I am making my boat ready for a time when I''ll be able to say goodbye to all my ties and responsiblities and sail away into the sunset. But life is not all fun and games (If you have a family) and your life is not all your own. Youowe your wife and children alot of conciderartion. I know there might not be a tomarrow for any of us but risking that is the price a family man must bare.


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## Nereus32 (Jun 23, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

Hi Jim,

Thanks for your reply. You didn''t really offer an answer to my question, so let me clarify things a little.

You are right, I am not planning on retiring for another 30 years. However, we are preparing to relocate from the Las Vegas area back east, so we can live closer to our families. Currently, our closest relative is 2000 miles away and we feel it is important for our daughter to have access to simple things like grandparents, family holidays, and family summer vacations.

Since we are moving anyway, have a boat that is capable, and can afford it, we (my wife and I) decided that cruising from my home in Michigan to her home in Florida would be an excellent way to spend time together as a young family, see part of our beautiful country that neither one of us has seen, and get to travel in a fashion we have always dreamed of. Being that we fostered our engagement under the stars on our previous boat, what better way to get to spend time and raise our child together, even if it is only for a few months. I currently work six days a week and am missing out on a lot of important development in my daughter''s life because of it. I 100% agree with you that raising my child is job #1. So, I don''t think I am neglecting my duties as a father, but exhalting them by playing a more direct role in my daughters development than just working every day to provide food, clothing, and shelter. I''d rather not wait for thirty years for something that might happen, when I have the opportunity with my wife and daughter today that I will never have again.

So, after this long diatribe, I return to my original question regarding my parents and in-laws. I interpret their attitudes as follows:

My wife''s mother: "Do it! I have traveled all my life and can tell you it will be the best thing you''ll ever do together as a family. Plus, when you are done, you''ll be living closer to me."

My wife''s father and step mother: "It''s too dangerous. You can''t go with our grand daughter. It is too much of a risk. Just make your move and forget about the sailing thing."

My parents: "We would love to have you live closer but, if I were you, I''d keep your job and sell your boat. You might make some money on it with all the restoration work you''ve done."

Never mind that we love our boat, don''t really like my job, none of our parents are sailors or know anything about sailing, or that the sailing we are planning is pretty tame compared to driving on the streets of Las Vegas. In reality, if we were planning to do the same thing in an RV, they''d probably think it was a great idea. Mind you, no one is yelling or making any demands, but as concerned grandparents, they have expressed concerns. I completely understand. As a result, I want to put their worries at ease - also part of a family man''s responsibilities, wouldn''t you say?

With all the above discussion on this thread geared toward grandparents, I thought some one might offer me words of wisdom to help me ease our parents conserns toward something we are prepared for and very excited about.


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## DuaneIsing (Jul 10, 2001)

*just can''''t help it.*

Nereus32,

I''m not a grandparent, or a parent for that matter, but my thought is simply this:

Everyone gets to choose his or her way through life. You and your wife wish to do something which I think is a fantastic way to generate wonderful memories for your family. Do it.

As for suggestions to put the naysayers at ease, I don''t know that such is possible. They are looking at this possible event from their own perspectives and with their own prejudices; how can you change that? I doubt you can.

You sound like a sensible guy; they''ll just have to trust you.

Best of luck.

Duane


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## kokopelli9 (Aug 16, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

There will probably come a time in your life when your daughter will want to do something that you wish you could talk her out of...hopefully you''ll remember these posts and wish her wisdom, luck, and much happiness. And above all you''ll let her make her own mistakes and/or successes.
There will be no words that will ease your mind at the time. Nor will there be anything to change your worry other than time. Time which is the greatest of healers and teachers is what will be needed now also. Your parents raised you to be strong, responsible and caring...it is time now for them to trust the job they did.
Do all that you can do to prepare for the safety for all THREE of you. Have a wonderful journey. Learn about each other and life. And then cherish the memories that you will have.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

I agree with the last posters. It''s your life. Use it. Your child is not old enough to be involved in the decision making - you and your wife do it for her as the people with the most knowledge of the situation.

My mother thought it was a bad idea taking her grandkids on an "unsafe" sailboat journey. I said I respected her views, but that my wife agreed with me and we were going anyway. Now, she brags about the "adventure" her grandkids had and how it made them special.

If you only do what makes others happy, you''ll never be happy. The 3 years I spent with my kids 24/7 are something that I will cherish until I die. Don''t let someone talk you out of a dream. You seem level-headed enough, have an adventure! Don''t kick yourself when you''re 70 and wish you''d done something that everyone talked you out of.

Luck, wisdom, and happiness.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

Yea, I think Ricky Nelson had it right, "you can''t please everyone..."

Basically, as long as your wife''s on board, what more do you need?

But if you''re the sensitive type, you might invite the objecting grand parents out for a weekend on the lake. I find that people fear the unknown, and perhaps letting them see you and your family together in such a stout boat will change their perspective.

On a practical note, pick your seasons carefully. That''s a lot of water to cover in varying climates.

Also, you may hate yourself if you end up putting your westsail in a marina on the ICW. I bought mine down in Daytona and kept running aground in or around the Ponce Inlet. I could only get in or out to the ocean at high tide, and even then, I had to be awefully careful where I steered... get towing insurance


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

PS. By "as long as your wife''s on board what more do you need", I meant as long as your wife is in agreement with what you''re doing, of course I''m including your your 12 month old as being physically on board


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## DuaneIsing (Jul 10, 2001)

*just can''''t help it.*

Okay, Nereus32. You got a lot of answers to your post in the last week. Are you still there?


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## Nereus32 (Jun 23, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

Yes, I am still here. I''m sorry for my delinquency, as I have been quite busy. While still working my full-time job, parenting, and refitting the boat, my wife and I have returned to college to reeducate ourselves, so when we reach our final destination, we''ll have a head start on the local job market.

I want to thank all of you for the positive encouragement. Put your minds at ease and know that we will sail when we are ready and on our own terms. One thing my parents do know is when I set my mind to do something it is as good as written in stone.

That said, my question here is geared more toward maintaining a certain level of respect and tranquility amongst the family ranks. Returning home from a long journey only to find the welcome mat isn''t at the door for us would be unpleasant. Not that that would really happen, but why pour salt in an open wound? As all of you have pointed out, we are reasonable people and our parents have done their parts in providing us with the tools to make reasonable decisions. It is nice to know, through their concerns, that they care. Hence my desire to ease their burden.

In the end, this adventure may allow us to all grow as an extended family. They can vicariously adventure with us and share in our experiences. It may just be family history in the making. It certainly would be more than our current daily drone in the workplace, which makes telephone conversatons incredibly brief and boring (So...what''s the weather like?). It will definitely make interesting conversation at the next family reunion.

Thanks again for all your positive thoughts. Even thought I don''t personally know any of you, it is heart-warming to know there are friends out there who will offer advice, opinions, and encouragement when needed.


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## DuaneIsing (Jul 10, 2001)

*just can''''t help it.*

Nereus32,

Glad you checked in; you sure do sound busy!

Barring someone who could have told you, "we were in the same situation and here''s how we handled it," I think you already have all the "ammunition" you need to defend your decision with the relatives. Just the wording in your last post should be enough.

Of course, we don''t know these particular people, so we cannot offer specific advice on what will make your parents come around to your thinking. It''s my opinion that you should continue to be sensitive and understanding to their position, but realize that there''s only so much you can do. Don''t get dragged down by other''s negativity.

Again, best of luck.

Duane


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

Just to underscore a point I''d made before, the best way to get people excited about something like this is to make them a part of it.

I do computer software developement and when we get users who are irrationally opposed to our new system, we get them involved in the design of it... maybe even just suggesting what icons to use... suddenly, the biggest project detractor is the biggest project supporter.

It would even be ideal if you could get them to accompany you on short segments of your trip, then, your scary whimsical trip becomes, as you said, an interesting chapter in the family history. As a fellow Westsailor, I know you don''t have a lot of extra room, but some short trip segment might be possible


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## kokopelli9 (Aug 16, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

Glad we could be of help. And as for the respect and tranquility....that will be there...sounds like all of you have love for each other so the rest will find a way to fall into place.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

*just can''''t help it.*

As you once said geeeeeeeezzzzzz Kokopelli9 do you thik our parents would mind toooooooooo much if we went sailing together one of these days?????????///


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## catamount (Sep 8, 2002)

*just can''''t help it.*

Here''s a thought about how to keep the grandparents reassured about the safety and well-being of their grandchild during this grand adventure -- Communications! Take a cell-phone or satellite phone and keep in touch with them-- Every Day! (at least at first) E-mail pictures to them all the time. Then maybe they too can become involved in the adventure.

As to how to ease them into it before hand, the RV analogy is a very good one. Also, communicate with the grandparents during the re-fitting of the boat and the preparations for the journey -- keep them filled in on exactly what you are doing to prepare and why, so that they can have confidence in just how well-founded the boat and its crew are.

Good Luck!


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## seame (Feb 22, 2004)

*just can''''t help it.*

Hey there,
I can tell you there is no better life than raising your children on board. Both of mine were born on board and we sailed with them until they reached high school and are now in college. Well on off one soon to go.

I even sailed back from NZ to California alone with the kids. I often got that "too dangerous" part. Well the most dangerous part of sailing is getting on the freeway to go to the boat!

Compare the amount of lives lost at sea with those lost on the highway. Open a new world to your child. My children have no racial/gender or political prejudices. They speak languages and are just as comfortable with adults as young people. They revere elders and they respect nature.

Do you know any teenagers who when asked what they wanted most upon arriving in port said "Fresh fruit and vegetables"? Go for it and if you have any questions, please don''t hesitate to ask.

seame


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## seame (Feb 22, 2004)

*just can''''t help it.*

Hi,
My two children were born on board and we sailed until the oldest was in high school. Get them a plastic sextant and teach them to navigate. Don''t worry about peanut butter on the sheets.

Netting around the deck and stop the boat anytime they want a swim. Have plenty of games on board that you can play together. Books to read alone and outloud. If you play muscial instruments that is great too.

We did Calvert school and the New Zealand correspondence schools and I also did some on my own. All were fine. They learned and grew. My oldest in in University now and my youngest to go in the fall.

Snorkeling from very young. If they can''t swim, put them in an inner tube to snorkel and they can stay out longer and enjoy more.

You have the biggest swimming pool in the world enjoy it!!

seame


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## Whitewings2003 (Jun 17, 2004)

*just can''''t help it.*

Help, I am looking for a md2b in running condition, if you know of anyone with an engine that they are planning to up grade or replace and would be interested in selling their engine please let me know. I took my boat from Washington State to Mexico last year and broke everything on my boat. My boat is lieing in La Paz Mexico and I will be going down soon to change engines. I have a couple of prospects but am still trying to find the perfect engine. Thanks in advace, 
Bill Wilfong

P.S. do you have a bulliten board in your marina that you could put a note up for me?


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