# Help the men out!!!



## ligal

Hi Ladies,
Do any of you read the general discussion? It is all men on there and one of them has to sell his boat because his wife is unhappy.
Tell him what he has to do to make her happy and confident. Teacher her, and let her sail it and be in control. As I have learned the real way you learn to sail is by the mistakes you make; then you remember and learn how to remedy that mistake. Your brain, your skills, and a little help from the Captain!! If necessary. It is a joint effort; Sailing and cruising= Happy Cruising!!
Sue


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## sailingdog

Unfortunately, some women are too stubborn to want to learn or listen.


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## Melrna

Saildog,, Shoe fits on the other foot too... Be careful what you say. Some women just don't like sailing period. Nothing you can do about it. Just like most men don't like shopping, caring for the children or house.


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## TrueBlue

ligal, again thanks for the concern - and wish my wife could talk with more women sailors.

Melrna . . . you are a very astute woman.


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## TSOJOURNER

My wife used to not like sailing all that much, until she and three friends (all women) took the boat for a week long cruise. They did a lot of motoring (30hrs on the clock!) but they also sailed a bunch too. Since that trip she is truly in love with sailing and no longer fears the wind. She also got pretty good at docking and now usually takes the wheel while I _man_ the lines. Which I wasn't thrilled with at first, but it really does make more sense, (just don't tell my wife I said that).


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## byrondv

LeftyI36 said:


> My wife used to not like sailing all that much, until she and three friends (all women) took the boat for a week long cruise. They did a lot of motoring (30hrs on the clock!) but they also sailed a bunch too. Since that trip she is truly in love with sailing and no longer fears the wind. She also got pretty good at docking and now usually takes the wheel while I _man_ the lines. Which I wasn't thrilled with at first, but it really does make more sense, (just don't tell my wife I said that).


How did you get your wife to take a week long cruise if she didn't like sailing that much? Was it her idea, yours, or one of the friends?

I wish I could get the woman to take the tiller when docking. She is just as capable at docking as I am, but not nearly as capable of fending off what I am going to run into


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## TSOJOURNER

My wife, or more correctly, the woman whose husband I am, is a reluctant sailor. She was never around water much at all and was nervous in any boat and especially when heeled over in our sailboat or when out in some chop.

She took sailing lessons in dinghys with all the bumps and dumps which that entails (she called it sailing boot camp). After that, our boat seemed a lot safer and more comfortable. She is more confident when she's at the wheel and understands sail trimming when she isn't. She's really made an effort and as a result found something else that she can do well.

Now, I damn well know I'm going to pay for it, and I'm not talking about shoe shopping. There's ballroom dancing lessons or worse in store for me, I just know it, but I will do my best to enjoy it or grin and bear it if I don't.

The point is, I appreciate what she did, for me, for us, and I take many opportunities to say so and show it.



LeftyI36 said:


> My wife used to not like sailing all that much, until she and three friends (all women) took the boat for a week long cruise......Since that trip she is truly in love with sailing and no longer fears the wind.


I like this idea! Suzie's never taken the boat out by herself, so it has to start with daysails, but it could be a goal to aspire to.


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## Valdensule

*Girls just want to have fun !!!!*

I had to chime in here. A few years back I introduced my now wife, then fiance' to sailing. She is starkly petrified of new experiences, and a heeling boat would have sent her over the edge on our first outing. Maybe it's my careful nature. But at first I just motored her out. She loved the air and got used to the motion, then began to notice the pretty colors of the spinnakers that where flying. As the day progressed, and with a modest nudge from a famous Captain named "Morgan" she suggested we fly a genoa. As I raised the forward sail she let out a giggle when she realized we were under "air power" During this endevor she was manning the helm by default. I told her to just keep us going straight while I went forward. She achived the same feeling of wonder I got the first time I felt the breeze "lifting" the boat. Every sailor will testify to that feeling. She was hooked. A few more outings and I took the best picture I have of her. She is standing in the cockpit bench, looking over the boom (and holding fast onto it) with one foot on the tiller, smiling ear to ear. She is in a soft cotton t-shirt and responding "nicely" to the cool breeze. This is a site all sailor dream of. That's all I'll say about that.
When the inevetable decision was made to limit my toys/projects after the wedding she went straight for the old 944 I have. I don't want to give up my 944, but the boat never came into the question. Now she says "When are you going to finish the bottom paint so we can go out!!!" Tis weekend dear, I promise. be her friend, not her Captain!!! Girls just want to have fun.


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## TSOJOURNER

byrondv said:


> How did you get your wife to take a week long cruise if she didn't like sailing that much? Was it her idea, yours, or one of the friends?


It was mostly my idea, but she was all for it. She loves to cruise, and one of her friends is a pretty experienced sailor, so I suggested they go down to Ensenada. They spent a lot more time shopping, cooking and drinking wine, than they did sailing, but they sailed nearly everyday and on the trip back they sailed upwind for 60 miles before firing up the motor, (she never would have let me do that. ) I think they are planning another trip further south in October. I hope so.


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## sailingdog

Very true... but I think to really decide whether you like sailing, you have to really try it... my late wife didn't know anything about sailing, but she was at least willing to try it. She never really had any experience with boating growing up, and was at least open to the idea of it.



Melrna said:


> Saildog,, Shoe fits on the other foot too... Be careful what you say. Some women just don't like sailing period. Nothing you can do about it. Just like most men don't like shopping, caring for the children or house.


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## TSOJOURNER

Valdensule...............So let's see that picture....... great job !!!!!!!!


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## TSOJOURNER

conrat66 said:


> Valdensule...............So let's see that picture....... great job !!!!!!!!


same way i introduced my admiral to sailing...I showed mine, now show yours


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## ccam

Valdensule -

Was that white thin cotton or the 5mil stuff and was she wearing shoes?


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## tenuki

ccam said:


> ...and was she wearing shoes?


Now we know too much about you ccam....


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## SEMIJim

LeftyI36 said:


> She also got pretty good at docking and now usually takes the wheel while I _man_ the lines. Which I wasn't thrilled with at first, but it really does make more sense, (just don't tell my wife I said that).


My wife is _better_ at docking than I. I'm stronger and a bit more agile, so I'm better at casting-off and fending (not much of the latter required, really). I've also been handling the sails and sheets, while she's done most of the helm work. But, after we get a bit more refined in the process', we're going to trade roles, because, with a short-handed crew, it's important each of us be able to handle all roles competently. I'm a bit concerned about her being up front, handling the foresail all on her own, but there's only one way to find out, I guess.

Guys really ought not let their pride get in the way of a cooperative venture in which probably both have much to learn. My wife has sailed more than I, I have more experience on modern keelboats. We each have different strengths. We're attempting to use them to the best advantage of the _boat_. We each have much to teach the other. It works out well .

Jim


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## Melrna

Jim - Congrates on finding the big picture with your wife. I wish more guys were like you. As far as she handling the foresail, you will find more women on race crews doing foredeck than any other position. She will do just fine. Teach her on the dock before heading out on how to handle it. 
Melissa


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## sailaway21

Jim,
Melrna can probably confirm this but I believe that my wife is so good on the foredeck because she has a lower center of gravity and, therefore, inherently better sense of balance. I know that women's physique makes them better inherent offhand riflemen, I see no reason not to acknowledge a possible superiority on a heaving deck!


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## sevseasail

sailingdog said:


> Unfortunately, some women are too stubborn to want to learn or listen.


after two days my wife still laughing about your post SD; so I wanted to let you know she thinks it's hilarious..


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## sailingdog

Glad I could amuse you... I married a stubborn woman... but it was the best decision of my life. 


sevseasail said:


> after two days my wife still laughing about your post SD; so I wanted to let you know she thinks it's hilarious..


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## sailordave

Melrna said:


> Some women just don't like sailing period. Nothing you can do about it.
> 
> Just like most men don't like shopping, caring for the children or house.


SO TRUE!

My now Xwife D ) was not a water person. Was petrified the first time I took her sailing, unfortunately AFTER we were married. Grew to tolerate it and even enjoyed it when it was on a big boat. IE 43' Hans Christian ketch or a 44' Yawl. Kids loved it too at the time. But she grew resentful and didn't want to go. Won't go into the details of why we divorced after 20 years but I will say that there are women out there that LOVE the water. Current lady friend went sailing w/ me in a 30' Lippincott; blowing 25, gusts probably low 30's, 2-3 foot chop on the Bay... Loved it. Even took the helm for a good while. And when she told people in her family that knew how to sail and that I took her out alone and they said "WOW, he must be pretty good!" she just SMILED.....  
I think I'll keep her for a while.

Oh, and AFA stuff Men not liking... my kids are w/ me 5 nights a week! Have been for 2.5 years. Daughter 16, UGH! Son almost 13.


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## cbayermd

*Pink Jobs*

Very often, women are expected to crew while the boat is underway and still maintain primary responsibility for the pink jobs on the boat (provisioning, cooking, cleaning, laundry, serving food and beverages to guests). I think it makes a huge difference when the captain really makes an effort to take more responsibility for the pink jobs. 
And although i recognize the need for a captain while underway, particulary if there are problems or potential problems brewing, once we are anchored, docked or moored, there is no longer any need for this hierarchy. People are more satisfied when they feel they have some control.
I have seen many an otherwise blissful pair start screaming at each other when manuveuring a boat. Get walkie talkies and be very clear and kind in your communications. This is supposed to be fun right?


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## wind_magic

cbayermd said:


> I think it makes a huge difference when the captain really makes an effort to take more responsibility for the pink jobs.


So what you're saying is if he cooks sometimes then she'll fix the head when it breaks and install that new macerator.


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## sailingdog

wind_magic said:


> So what you're saying is if he cooks sometimes then she'll fix the head when it breaks and install that new macerator.


You wish... cooking a few meals isn't going to match up to doing a head repair... and the women willing to work the "blue" jobs on a boat, especially the really nasty ones are pretty far and few between is my guess.


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## eryka

But Dawg ... if there ain't no food bein' eaten on the boat, after a day or so you won't need the head 

Seriously, I think one difference is that when you finish a 'blue' job, you're done. You can point to it and everybody will tell you how clever you were to fix that. And when you finish a 'pink' job you're done ... until tomorrow. *sigh*


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## byrondv

eryka said:


> But Dawg ... if there ain't no food bein' eaten on the boat, after a day or so you won't need the head
> 
> Seriously, I think one difference is that when you finish a 'blue' job, you're done. You can point to it and everybody will tell you how clever you were to fix that. And when you finish a 'pink' job you're done ... until tomorrow. *sigh*


Well - I know most of the compliments on my boat have been about the food. Not the ability to use the head later that night.

Grass is always greener eh?


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## TSOJOURNER

Am I silly to think that it doesn't have to be a man/woman thing? I think if two people are going to share space on a boat, they should both know how to maintain and repair it, as well as how to survive comfortably, ie, eat, clean, etc. Why the pink jobs/blue jobs business instead of two mature rational people doing what needs to be done and communicating about what is/isn't working? I'm not saying this because I am completely naive, this is the way it currently works in my marriage, works being the operative word...


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## sailingdog

DJ-

That's only because you keep threatening to shoot your hubby with the guns you've been collecting... 


DJEVANS said:


> Am I silly to think that it doesn't have to be a man/woman thing? I think if two people are going to share space on a boat, they should both know how to maintain and repair it, as well as how to survive comfortably, ie, eat, clean, etc. Why the pink jobs/blue jobs business instead of two mature rational people doing what needs to be done and communicating about what is/isn't working? I'm not saying this because I am completely naive,* this is the way it currently works in my marriage, works being the operative word...*


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## TSOJOURNER

sailingdog said:


> DJ-
> 
> That's only because you keep threatening to shoot your hubby with the guns you've been collecting...


Nuh-uh! He's as good a shot as I am--keeps things quite civil.


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## sailingdog

DJEVANS said:


> Nuh-uh! He's as good a shot as I am--keeps things quite civil.


ROFLMAO... too bad most inner city gang members are such bad shots... if they'd just practice a bit, we'd have a lot fewer innocent bystanders shot.


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## TSOJOURNER

I once witnessed a gang shooting (I was living in a bad part of town, obviously) where the suspect EMPTIED a .380 semiautomatic, approximately 15 rounds, into a car with 4 people in it --he hit ONE of them in the arm. If I had shot like that as a police officer I would have flunked out of the academy--as it was I passed with flying colors with my wrist broken. (smirk)
And hubby? He makes me look like an amateur!


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## SailorPam

DJEVANS said:


> Nuh-uh! He's as good a shot as I am--keeps things quite civil.


I love that! When I met my husband he had spent many years with the Mountain Man crowd. He taught me how to throw a tomahawk and never forgets I know how 

I agree that cross-training is important, people get sick and hurt and I would hate not to be able to get someone to help because I didn't know how to do it all by myself.

I also have to agree with the pink/blue thing. It doesn't always run on gender lines either. Provisioning, cooking & cleaning when it falls on one person all the time, gets old. Especially if that person does most of those things at home too. Gee then you just get to do it on your time off in less convenient circumstances. Not a good way to sell the sailing life. There's plenty of times I would rather be stowing sails than making dinner. Or I'm happy to make dinner if he'll do dishes. Don't underestimate how much work it is to plan, shop for & prepare meals. Meanwhile, I'm happy to help with head repairs


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## Sonya

OK, I can't sit by and not respond to this. If you want your spouse/significant other to sail with you, the most important thing that you must not do is to make her/him feel frightened the very first trip out. This first trip out should be introduced as a come and see what this is all about but do not overwhelm with info. Tell them only what they need to know, encourage participation but at the same time be accepting if the person seems alittle reluctant. This means even thought the wind is up, you must curb your energy and excitement and kieep that boat flat, no matter what ! I was very gently introduced to sailing over 22yrs ago by the man who is now my husband of 18yrs. Looking back it took great patience and immense coaching on his part. Every time I completed a course or mastered a skill aboard he noticed no matter how big or small. We have been sailing together since and never looked back. We can each operated the sailboat proficiently singularily or as a well oiled team, each guy picking up where the other leaves off without saying a word to each other. I offen feel sad when I hear a spouse say their mate/significant other won't sail with them, there is so much joy to be had in sharing those "sailing moments". Mate's never give up, keep the encouragement coming and notice the little stuff.


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## Robby Barlow

Referring to the OP, I'd say that just like men are usually bad co-pilots (in cars), we tend not to be much better captains.

In Germany we have a lot of sailing schools only for woman, nothing like knowledge & experience to boost (mutual) enjoyment.


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## Giulietta

my wife didn't want to sail, so I beat her up, tied her to the mast and ripped with the spinakker at 19 knots....

For her, now, sailing at 10 is candy!!


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## tenuki

I need your help Giulietta. I have the same problem but I don't think your solution will work. What do you do if your wife can beat you up?


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## sailaway21

Quit bragging about that girl, tenuki! (g)


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## Giulietta

tenuki said:


> I need your help Giulietta. I have the same problem but I don't think your solution will work. What do you do if your wife can beat you up?


Have you tried beating her while she sleeps??

Or when she falls over and is on the ground...leverage is better achieved.


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## denby

Giulietta said:


> my wife didn't want to sail, so I beat her up, tied her to the mast and ripped with the spinakker at 19 knots....
> 
> For her, now, sailing at 10 is candy!!


yea right, that will be the day.


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## tenuki

Giulietta said:


> Have you tried beating her while she sleeps??
> 
> Or when she falls over and is on the ground...leverage is better achieved.


Ah, so that's how it's done. I'll let you know how that works.


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## sailingdog

In his dreams this might have happened... I understand she keeps his cojones in a little jar on her bedside table and lets him use them when he has a race. 

Otherwise, how do you explain a racing sailboat with a dodger??? HUH... Yeah... we know who the real boss is... 

Tenuki-

Listening to Giu will only get you beaten up more and make your better half angry... don't do it...



Giulietta said:


> my wife didn't want to sail, so I beat her up, tied her to the mast and ripped with the spinakker at 19 knots....
> 
> For her, now, sailing at 10 is candy!!


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## Freesail99

I'm just wondering why all the men are posting on Hersailnet ...


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## sailhagg

Freesail99- it's the same reason many women don't want to go sailing with them...they just can't give up control and leave it alone.....I actually believe it's because so many of them are low on iron. Thus when my hubby begins to display a low iron level I get out my cast iron skillet and give him a good dose!


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## AboardIndigo

sailhagg said:


> Freesail99- it's the same reason many women don't want to go sailing with them...they just can't give up control and leave it alone.....I actually believe it's because so many of them are low on iron. Thus when my hubby begins to display a low iron level I get out my cast iron skillet and give him a good dose!


LOL I'll have to remember that one...


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## wind_magic

Freesail99 said:


> I'm just wondering why all the men are posting on Hersailnet ...


Umm, well .. it's like this, see, uhh .. if there is like this big field, and say it has like lots of flowers in it, and ... uhh, some bees ... then see these bees they are like naturally going to hang around this field .. because, uhh ... I don't know, that's just what bees do ...


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