# Am I Crazy?!



## bobcat (May 25, 2011)

Ok, I am going through a divorce, I need a place to live. I sailed a sabot when I was a boy and now I'm 59 and want to get back into sailing. Am I crazy to just go out and find a boat to live on that I don't know how to sail? Of course, I will get whatever education I need as I go along, but I'd rather put my money into a boat to live on that an apt with four blank walls to stare at. Would I be making a mistake to put money into a boat with no real experience? Of course I have already begun the research process and would have anything I bought surveyed. I have pretty much decided on a looking for a sailing cat that would be easy to handle by myself. I also live in Orange County, Ca where I know liveaborad slip space is hard to find. My ultimate plan is to become as familiar with the boat as I can and gain as much experience as I can on short cruises to Catalina and local harbors, then take off and go cruising in three to four years. Has anyone else ever gone through this? Any advice? Am I crazy?


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## Silvio (Nov 10, 2010)

Welcome to the board. 
Yours is not an uncommon desire and I am sure you will find others that have done what you discuss. Not crazy. 
Do what you are comfortable doing.

Invest your time reading and researching then go for it. SailindDog posted an exceptional guide to boat buying that you can search for on this site.

I moved aboard my boat not by a divorce but when my job recalled me 1100 miles away from my wife and kids AFTER we rented out or house. Sh*t happens. I have remained sane by living on our boat, sailing after work, tinkering with the constant needs of the boat instead of staring at four blank walls getting depressed.

That is why the boat's name is the S.S.R.I.

Happy drugs!! It keeps the depression at bay. good luck!


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## bobcat (May 25, 2011)

*Thanks*

Thank you for the information. I know the feeling. I've been living in the UK for the past three months with one more month to go. Before that I've been traveling for my job vitrually 100% but always had weekend to come home to my wife. Now that I won't have that I also need to avoid depression and loneliness. I think keeping myself occupied by living on the boat and cruising will help. Of course I loved sailing my little sabot around the bay when I was young and have a very strong desire to get back into it. I'll check out the buying guide.


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## tattoosteve (Feb 2, 2011)

i think people who live on land are the crazy ones!


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## Silvio (Nov 10, 2010)

I hear ya Bobcat, lonliness sucks mroe than just about anything else. Here is my own observation about life on board while still working on land.

There is a tendancy to become a marina fixture, never loosing the dock lines and sailing. I see several live aboards that settle in and get quite comfortable never leaving the dock. I avoid this temptation by conciously keeping the boat ready to go on a moments notice. I keep everything stowed and if I leave dishes out to dry I start to feel too confined. I make a point to get out and sail at least once a week even if it is only going out in the bay after work and staying on the hook, coming back to the dock in the morning in time to shower and get to the office It's amazing what a night at anchor will do for my attitude in the office. Long weekends and holidays that I am not home with my family I take off and explore, going usually 50-100 miles or so in whatever direction coincides with the weather forecasts. 

We bought our boat with the idea that I would be single handing it frequently and to that end all my lines are lead to the cockpit and I can manage docking with a mid line even in pretty stiff cross winds. I see some folks that buy the biggest most comfortable boat for living on at the dock only to discover that they need a crew to get it ina and out of the marina and therefore they never leave the dock.

My marina is very welcoming to live aboars and we have 6 - 10 at any time living aboard. Look for a place that you don't have to hide the fact that you live aboard. It is nice to have a real community at the marina where we get together for birthdays, retirements, and just 'cause it's nice weather for a cookout. 

Fair winds and good luck,
Silvio


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## Silvio (Nov 10, 2010)

tattoosteve said:


> i think people who live on land are the crazy ones!


It's hard to find a flaw with that reasoning:laugher


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## Ajax_MD (Nov 24, 2009)

Bob,

What you're trying to do is pretty difficult, but maybe that's what you need to occupy yourself and keep your mind busy with other things.

There's a lot to consider with a liveaboard boat-

Size, layout, total volume, then performance issues unless you plan on becoming a dock fixture. Silvio really nails it in my opinion. He has the right attitude. I don't know why anyone would want to become a barnacle at a marina. 

So once you choose a boat that meets your living and sailing criteria, you have to go shopping for that boat. Then, because it's your HOME, you have to get it surveyed to make sure it's safe and worth the cost of purchase. Then you have to transport it somehow to the marina where you intend to live. Then you have surely have to do at least some minor repairs.

Then you have to learn to sail a big boat, move aboard, learn to live a life with fewer material posessions in limited space...

I don't liveaboard, but I've been carefully researching this because living aboard for a little while might be in my near future.

There are a lot of factors to consider, but maybe the planning and the do-ing will help you through your troubles.


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

Bobcat, until you get emotionally stabilized, living on a boat may be almost the same as the apt, staring at the walls. People coming out of relationships often fall into very deep depression. Some take years to find their selves, some never do. 
Taking on a boat that needs fixing may be emotionally equal to having a demanding Mistress! If boating is a passion and sailing may be too, you could be on the right track but I'd hate to think your jumping from one bad situation into another. Hopefully you will find emotional support in single friends and family on your "side" of the divorce. Being single and middle age is a tough nutshell to be in, and it's very very difficult to break out of it. I sincerely hope you can keep yourself upbeat about life and not let problems (that we don't know about) bring you down. I've met more then a few live aboard guys and some just seem more like hermits then productive members of society.. Not that's a bad thing! Jus saying...


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## travlin-easy (Dec 24, 2010)

I'm going to approach this from a different perspective. I'm currently not a live-a-board, but if my health holds up I intend to become one in October of 2012. However, if some doctor tells me that I have a catastrophic disease, then I'll be a live-a-board a week later.

My longest time spent living aboard was during a 10-day cruise I took from Havre de Grace, MD to Virginia Beach, VA. It was a neat trip, but I was essentially living aboard a Catalina 27, which after a week, seemed a bit cramped for cabin space.

My new boat, a 33 Morgan Out Island, is far more spacious, yet it's still small enough that I can readily handle it by myself. I intend to set sail in early October of next year and take the boat to Marathon Key, FL, then to Key West, the Dry Tortugas, maybe across to the Bahamas or down to Cozumel, Mexico before heading back to Maryland 7 months later. My wife thinks I totally nuts. "What the Hell is a 70-year-old man thinking?" She frequently asks. Well, I'm thinking about palm trees, snow-white sand, turquoise waters and balmy temperatures. What I no longer want to do is rake leaves, shovel snow, slide around on ice-covered roadways, and work my a$$ into an early grave. At age 70 I still work 5 to 7 days a week as an entertainer (musician/singer), and I soon hope to make some changes along those lines. Playing and singing at Tiki Bars in the Florida Keys during the dead of winter makes a lot more sense to me than performing at an Italian Restaurant in the middle of a Baltimore blizzard.

Now, I'm not yet in the throes of divorce, and after nearly 50 years with the same woman the chances of that are probably pretty slim, though I'm sure it has crossed both our minds during the past half-century. I'm fairly confident that my loving spouse will NOT be going with me on that trip, but she may fly down for an occasional visit now and then. Because of this, I'll be somewhat in the same situation as the OP, living a fairly lonely life aboard, watching TV, reading, doing a little fishing and sailing when the weather cooperates, and of course, playing music and singing to the ladies at the Tiki Bars. I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it will be a bit of a lonely lifestyle.

Now, if "absence makes the heart grow fonder," as the old saying goes, I suspect the old gal will get a house sitter, hop on a plane, and head south sometime after Christmas to visit an old man living aboard his boat. With luck, she'll spend a couple months, then head home to await my arrival about the end of May. At least I'm hoping that's how things will turn out.

Good luck on your venture, and I sincerely hope everything works out well for you in the not too distant future.

Gary


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## sailhog (Dec 11, 2006)

Ditto what Denise said. 

One additional thing to think about.... a divorced sailor friend of mine who lives aboard his Catalina 320 has found it difficult to talk the ladies he meets in bars to come back to his boat with him. The minute they hear "I live on a boat," they think, "Hopeless dreamer," or worse, "Wharf rat." 

Now that you're divorced, you're going to want to have as many meaningless, tawdry, one-night stands as you can possibly manage. This is the dream of every married man. What you need to do is to focus exclusively on this aspect of your new life and not mess it up by taking on the unnecessarily difficult task of talking the ladies into the V-berth when they would much rather be talked into a regular bedroom. I don't mean to sound too brass-tacks about it, but just sayin....


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## travlin-easy (Dec 24, 2010)

Sailhog,

Thoughts of "tawdry, one-night-stands" is NOT the dream of every married man. I would venture a guess that much of this would depend upon the person to whom you are married to. In nearly a half-century of marriage the thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion, but then reality sets in and many of us run as fast as we can in the opposite direction. Those that do not are usually guys that had way to much to drink, couldn't perform beneath the sheets if they wanted to, and wake up with someone that doesn't resemble the person they went to bed with.

Cheers,

Gary


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## sailhog (Dec 11, 2006)

Gary,
I'll concede that you're probably right on this one. I love my wife, but she's a five-hundred-pounder and only 4'6". She also has anger management issues, which has put an incredible strain on our marriage. If she could just put the cheesecake down for a minute and stop yelling at me, I feel we could work things out. But that doesn't seem to be in the cards. Best of luck to you!


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## AirborneSF (Dec 14, 2010)

S-H, that is just SEX, doesn't do much for the inner self! Knock downs come in life as it sailing, 'right' the boat(Life), and keep on sailing. My.02


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## DwayneSpeer (Oct 12, 2003)

*Basic rule*

You also need to keep in mind the overriding rule for those that live aboard or in a motor home. Once you have settled in, anything you bring aboard that you aren't going to consume HAS to be offset by getting rid of something or you will soon be so cramped you can't move.

Good Luck and keep us up to date with your adventure.


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## sawingknots (Feb 24, 2005)

bobcat! nah i doubt you're crazy,at least no more then most of the rest of us but denise is quite right maybe what you don't need right now is to live a somewhat lonely existance on a cramped old boat,the sailing knowlege won't be a problem and you can learn as you go,i singlehand most of the time and i can tell you sometimes living aboard alone can be sometimes not so good but quite doable,best of luck


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## wingNwing (Apr 28, 2008)

Current liveaboard, and I'm going to TOTALLY disagree with the cramped/lonely image. The marina and cruising communies are the most supportive and welcoming one I've ever been a member of since my college dorm. You'll have at least one thing (the love of boats) in common with everyone you meet, and if you want to start a conversation just ask for advice on [anything boat maintenance related]. Hey, this could serve a double purpose, increase your learning as well as meeting new potential friends. And, healing your injured soul may well be accomplished just sitting in your cockpit, watching the sun set. Good luck to you.


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## herezjohnny (Apr 29, 2011)

Bobcat, you and I are in the same boat...figuratively of course. I found myself exiting big mistake #3 a couple months ago. I bought a 36 Morgan that needs lots of work. I moved on board while she was on the hard. The third night there I was sitting in the cockpit enjoying the stars and a few Heinekins and talking to myself. I hear a voice from about 30 feet away " are you bored?" I almost fell out! Come to find out there is a guy in the same situation as us living in the boat next to me. We`ve become friends and I`m never bored or lonely. I cant wait to get "home" every night to work on something drink a few beers or just sit under the stars. And as far as inviting women aboard, It`s all in the wording...Wanna come see my YACHT? LOL


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## travlin-easy (Dec 24, 2010)

herezjohnny said:


> Wanna come see my YACHT? LOL


Hmmmm! There's a line I never used, but I'm sure it'll work. 

Cheers,

Gary


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## sawingknots (Feb 24, 2005)

i always play down the yacht wording,its very bad on my ego when they take one look and get that faraway look in their eyes,very far away


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## wingNwing (Apr 28, 2008)

Just substitute "It's cozy" for "its dark and cramped;" and present yourself as "independent" instead of "weird" and you've got your intro to her down pat.


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## Silvio (Nov 10, 2010)

travlineasy said:


> Sailhog,
> 
> Thoughts of "tawdry, one-night-stands" is NOT the dream of every married man.


Maybe not of EVERY man... Living 1100 miles apart does make visiting ones spouse a little "tawdry" and certainly does occupy some of our thoughts Best when there are consecutive "one night stands"


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## sailhog (Dec 11, 2006)

Here's a tip I picked up from my friend who lives on his Catalina 320: He meets ladies in bars, many of whom have real drinking problems. Long story short, he lures them back to his boat, saying he's got a crate of Jaeger and Schnapps. His hope is that they'll let him make out with him in exchange for a long chug-a-lug on the bottle. It's a little too transactional for my taste, but it works for him and it's definitely an approach that should be considered.


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## Ajax_MD (Nov 24, 2009)

wingNwing said:


> *Current liveaboard, and I'm going to TOTALLY disagree with the cramped/lonely image. The marina and cruising communies are the most supportive and welcoming one I've ever been a member of since my college dorm. * You'll have at least one thing (the love of boats) in common with everyone you meet, and if you want to start a conversation just ask for advice on [anything boat maintenance related]. Hey, this could serve a double purpose, increase your learning as well as meeting new potential friends. And, healing your injured soul may well be accomplished just sitting in your cockpit, watching the sun set. Good luck to you.


Thank you, I was going to question the cramped/lonely thing myself. All I've ever read in past threads is that the liveaboard community is friendly and supportive. I have no first-hand knowledge of this though.


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## sawingknots (Feb 24, 2005)

the results you experince may differ from the ones advertized


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## wingNwing (Apr 28, 2008)

BubbleheadMd said:


> Thank you, I was going to question the cramped/lonely thing myself. All I've ever read in past threads is that the liveaboard community is friendly and supportive. I have no first-hand knowledge of this though.


Hey Bubble, we're both in the same general location, PM me, we'll get together one evening for beers in the cockpit and I'll explain ... (its glorious here!)


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## herezjohnny (Apr 29, 2011)

wingNwing said:


> Hey Bubble, we're both in the same general location, PM me, we'll get together one evening for beers in the cockpit and I'll explain ... (its glorious here!)


I`m jealous of Bubble Head


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## mtboat (Oct 14, 2007)

*how many of us can relate*

You are on the right track. Bought a boat at 50, moved on it before it hit the water. It has a therapeutic effect that has even removed the 3 ex's from constant memory. The people are great. Learn to sail, live the life, become it.

The Three Rings of Marriage,
engagement ring ,
wedding ring,
suffering.

The time for suffering is over.


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## ardoin (Mar 8, 2008)

I agree with "formally eryka". And either you are not crazy or everyone is crazy. It is a great life and as a single hander, I don't find it lonely.


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## pontiakos (Jun 1, 2007)

*Some interesting insights...*

for a sailing forum, a lot of the commentary is very land centric. Your 59 years old, supported a wife, perhaps kids...sacrificed an extraordinary amount of your life for the benefit of others... If living aboard is what you are dreaming about, GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and do not look back,,,

Find the right vessel, find the right marina..there is some outstanding advice on both in this thread...

The social life will be great, the adjustment no more trying than living on land...

Gain the skill, sail your boat, live your life....

Hope to see you on the water


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## sidney777 (Jul 14, 2001)

Somtimes living in a marina (as far a people and being lonely) can be very good... Many boaters are friendly just because you are part of the boaters "club" of people. You can pick and choose and they can pick and choose who to associate with...... A marina dock can also be like a High school click of--you are too friendly-not friendly enough-don't drink-drink to much-have money-don't have money--judge you by size of your boat--judge you by condition of your boat.... You are Single and many are married; situations.
......You can meet people by helping them dock their boat, or any other easy help they need, OR, being Crew or going on charter fishing boat ! 
....You may find there are druggies, or addictive people to stay away from.
....Remember Quincy on tv lived on a boat, John Wayne in one of his movies.

Grey water discharge(shower water,dishes) may have no discharge rules in some marinas. 
If you have ALOT OF STUFF loaded on your liveaboard boat you may have to secure it before you go sailing and make it overwhelming to take boat out.
......It may be nice to have an Onshore Storage unit...
.....There are lots of boats in Cal on Ebay, Craigslist and non-payment storage repos at boatyards and marinas. You have a great motivating adventure ahead of you .....


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## sidney777 (Jul 14, 2001)

What is your price range ?
There are power boaters and there are sailors and never the twain shall
meet ? Some people take this seriously and some powerboaters are open to new ideas, like sailing. Many,many,many boats don't leave the dock.


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## sawingknots (Feb 24, 2005)

i didn't say don't do it ,i just said think about it first.personally i like cruising,waking up in a different place each day,not knowing what the new day holds,sidney is quite right most boats never leave the dock in fact lots of boats just sit while the owner no doubt is too busy trying to pay for the boat+slip fees,basicly there or 2 types of marina's some of the more upscale ones won't allow you to scratch your behind without pointing out some rule violation the second kind is basicly like living in a trailor park with people coming and going all hours of the day or night,shouting turning on every light they own,i've found that boating people can be just as inconciderate as the general population,sometine tells me at 59 your probably past the party hardy crowd


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