# Looks - detriment or asset?



## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

On the "Advice" board there''s been a recent commentary on how being attractive or homely can be a detriment or an asset to one''s sailing''s experience and the ability to obtain more sailing experience. Help me, here, please. 

I find it totally unfair that those wanting crew, whether for a daysail or a cruise, look to the attractive while overlooking the experience. When I stated that I was experienced and expressed outrage at the thought that the person was saying that "being attractive doesn''t hurt" the person asked straight out if I was ''homely''. How rude and how repressed!! 

Anyway, to express any opinions any of you may feel, please look to the ''advice'' board.

Thank you,
MaryBeth


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

MaryBeth,
I am another "shallow" male and have been following the interesting banter on this subject. I''m sure the "homely" remark was quite tounge in cheek. The problem with this e-mail type of comunication is that we cannot hear the voice inflection or see facial expressions of the respondant which are also vital aspects of clear communication. Therefore written remarks are often taken out of context. The fact that you were so defensive in the attractive vs. experience comment opened the door for redicule. Whether a person is attractive or not is totally how one person sees or finds in another and like opinion, varies widely. While some look only at the outward beauty for the attraction, others look at the total person which is also part of the attraction and definately should be considered in any circumstance. Personally, I have never seen a homely women, fact remains though that some are prettier than others. Speaking in general terms for the male gender, I venture to say that unfortunately most tend to critique only the outward portion and stop there.
From reading your comments and seeing your sea miles, I would say that you are a great sailor, far more experienced than most of us and for me that would be part of the overall attraction.
Happy sails,
Fred


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Well, thanks Fred.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

You''re welcome MaryBeth. Next time I sail through Little River I''ll let ya know, maybe if you''re in town we can go have a brew and swap stories.
Fred


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Fred, you''re my hero! That might have been the greatest Sailnet pickup paragraph ever written!

The finer points;

1. You successfully defended a basic male instinct.

2. You wove a wonderful tapestry of your intimate understanding of human nature, and how you''re above first impressions. Always real big with the ladies.

3. You don''t tender a date invitation until after her response. Perfect timing.

4. You reduced Marybeth, a well traveled, highly experienced sailor, to "Well, thanks Fred". I thought I heard her giggle!

I have only one criticism. Next time delete "I''ve never seen a homely woman". I don''t think Marybeth bought that one, but the rest is so good, she probably overlooked it.


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## FTHOMSON (Mar 1, 2001)

MaryBeth...

On appearences: If the skipper in question is really that shallow a person then I guess (to him [it could be a her]) it matters. To most people, it doesn''t.

Fred T.


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## paulmcquillan (Jan 4, 2002)

Ok, I can''t resist.

If the skipper in question is really that shallow, then he''s probably runs aground often. <grin>


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

I haven''t been here in a while, but, hey...

"Well, thanks, Fred." was written with a serious amount of, shall I say, sarcasm. No giggling, believe me. I wrote it with the same enthusiasm with which I would pass on the office phone number of one of my veterinarian or doctor friends as my own home phone number to someone who was pestering me in a local bar.

Skippers are sometimes really that shallow, and it has nothing to do with going aground. 

MaryBeth


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## mary jewell (May 29, 2002)

In a perfect world looks wouldn''t count......and I must admit I do my share of man-bashing of the chauvinistic,good looks oriented fellows, but I''ll tell ya straight out, I would much rather have an Adonis, tall, tanned and muscular, shoulder length hair, gleeming smile,glancing up to me from the galley, than some ugly ass. Guess I am as bad as some of the fellows.


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

as a "homely" male, i can say that what counts to me is the ability to winch, hike out, and not get squeemish at some of the things that go with boating. if anything, the more glittery the gal, the less apt i am to take here sailing!

jp


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## bospgmr (Mar 24, 2000)

Hi,

I can''t resist this one.. I''m sure you would all agree that it''s everyone''s right to chose a mate, chose crew, chose a mate as crew or chose crew you hope becomes your mate ... No harm done as long as you are honest to yourself and others what your interests are.

Bill


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

I''d say looks is only as important in a cruising partner as they are to anyone else you''d get intimately involved with. If someone is going to be a life partner type I would expect some degree of physical attraction to each other is important.

Other than that who cares. On my racing crew, for permanent crew spots sailing ability is the first and only criteria. 

Of course if you can''t sail and are just looking for a day in the sun on a boat...(you can''t see my grin here, I''m really joking)


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

Great response sailor582002 to MaryBeth. But I do understand where she is coming from. I can see where it can be a detriment for some sailing opportunities because of a few shallow minded males. But...they are not all that way! I would hope that one would select me based on my "skills" or desire to learn other than looks!


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## TSOJOURNER (Dec 16, 1999)

A few old adages which may or may not apply.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Birds of a feather flock together. 
There''s no accounting for taste.
One man''s meat is another man''s poison.
Ya pays yer money and ya takes yer choice.
A fool and his money are soon parted.


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## PBzeer (Nov 11, 2002)

It''s funny how, when you are around someone you enjoy being with (of the opposite sex),that they become more attractive, the longer and better you get to know them. Looks will always be a factor, initially, for men and women, but looks don''t raise a sail, or tail a sheet. If ya want looks, buy a picture. If you want crew, or someone to enjoy the end of a good sail, meet a person, not an object. 

Fair winds,
John


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## jb2of3 (Apr 24, 2003)

It has been my experience that those who want to sail and are physically and mentally capable of it "will find a way or make one"

Many of us can write books about social interactions and yet after years of practice still be inept at it. 

I have seen equipment and people go overboard because of nothing more than third grade notepassing and horseplay "Do you like me yes or no please circle"

In fairness, I have seen more guys reduced to blubbering uselessness than girls. 

If what makes you quiver is getting another knot of speed, because you trimmed the sail better than I did, then welcome aboard. 

A crew, a team, never starts that way. Sometimes is doesn''t happen at all, yet sometimes a group can seem almost telepathic. Either way, the result is the same. I will see to it. For I am responsible for everything that takes place on my boat. I may make the wrong decision, but the crew puts the decision making power in my hands because they lacked the control to resolve the situation themselves.

There is a place in the indian ocean, a blue so deep and water so clear that you can drop a nickel over the side and watch it tumble and swirl until it looks as big as a manhole cover. This is the stuff I wanna focus on.


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## RobGallagher (Aug 22, 2001)

I''m not a racer. My "crew" consists of mostly women and we daysail or overnight. Granted we like to go as fast as possible.

I work in a large casino and most of my crew are also co-workers. I also happen to work with people from all over the world so you can never be sure of who will show up on sailing day. I don''t care what you look like or your sailing ability. Some of my crew are more hands on than others, but they will all do the best they can when the time comes. Some have more nerve than others (one crew member is happier when water is well over the rail another is trying to control a fear of healing).

What I can''t stand is when you ask for help triming a sheet or getting the anchor up and you get attitude. Or when you get back to the mooring and your putting the boat away and someone is in a hurry to leave because they are bored now. The WORST are people who leave a mess. These type of people do NOT get invited back.

Laugh, crank a winch, bring along a sixpack or a bag of ice. Even better, show up when there is actual work to be done and you will alway be welcome.


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