# Tips needed as a Young Woman Sailing!



## ElementQuest

Hello Ladies, 

I am 25 and leaving in one month with my boyfriend to do a 2 year circumnavigation. I have been sailing for the past year and working in the marine industry but I still have so much to learn. 

I am very nervous about leaving my family, friends and home...and living with my partner on a boat for the first time. I was hoping that some of you Ladies may have some words of wisdom or experiences to share to put my mind at ease while I am transitioning into a Liveaboard Lifestyle.

Any advice, tips or support would be greatly appreciated.

Ash


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## imagine2frolic

You have already opened your heart. Now open your mind, and set aside the land life. Unless you get deathly seasick. You are in for the time of your life. You will meet no new shores, cultures, and experiences by staying home.....ENJOY............*i2f*


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## deniseO30

Hey Ash, welcome to the forum! The fact that your nervous makes me wonder.. why are you nervous? leaving in a month?? Does that mean the very substantial time it took to plan the trip, outfit the boat, (assuming it's the right boat), packing gear, food by the ton, water, watermaking, emergancy equipment and gear, the list is endless... has all this and more been done? 

Now the hard questions; Is boy friend really experianced enough to take you with little experiance on such a trip? Can you handle sailing at night? not, "oh it's a pretty moon tonight" Are your concerns really being addressed? Or are you "just along for the ride"? what is expected of you, what will he do... Everything? think.. why are you nervous? There are reasons. 

It could be the trip of a lifetime with memories that will last equally as long. I pray you will find it all works out for the best. 
Do let us know how it's going!


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## SailorPam

Wow, I'm jealous! I was almost twice your age when I started sailing. And I'm still a couple years from moving aboard with my boyfriend. Well okay, husband of 25 years, but he's always my boyfriend in my mind. We bought our first sailboat as our 20th anniversary gift to each other. First advice is that sailing can put you in stressful situations that can test your relationship. Use those tests! They teach you alot about your relationship and yourself. I learned that I don't have to be in control all of the time, and that I can trust my co-captian with my life. 

Next I feel strongly that you need to be able to single-hand the boat. I mean everything - departing, sailing, motoring, sail changes, anchoring, docking, switching a fuel filter. Things happen and you may need to do things alone for any number of reasons - from a nasty case of flu to an injury. Not to mention being together because you want to is far better than because you need to. 

The world-travelling-by-sailboat I'm less qualified to expound upon. Anything I tell you, you can read in a book. But as far as sharing a small space with your lover goes, I can tell you that it's work. Could be the most rewarding of your life's work, but it's still work. If the relationship is good, it's worth the work. I suspect you wouldn't be casting off if you didn't feel this one is worth that work. In that case you'll have a great experience that will build your relationship and your self. Best wishes!


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## davidpm

Try the book. "Changing Course" by
Debra Ann Cantrell

Debra interviewed many women and reports on what worked and didn't work for them.
Everything you are worried about is covered, Leaving family and friends, career, relationships, safety etc it's all in there. Along with some wise tips on how to deal.
She wrote this book for you.


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## ElementQuest

Thanks for all the kind comments and warm thoughts...it makes me feel so great to know how wonderful the sailing community is. Ash


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## eryka

Hi Ash, welcome! Others have pointed out the importance of knowing the boat, and I can't speak to circumnavigating (we've only been coastal or short 4-5 day offshore passages ... so far!) But living aboard a 33-foot boat for 7 years with another person, I have one tip. There's no such thing as 'real' privacy if you're never out of arm's length of each other, so you must become hypersensitive to what we call "virtual" privacy. (Discuss this with your partner, everyone has different needs and different hot buttons.) You'll hear each others bathroom noises - but pretend you didn't. You'll overhear each others phone conversations - but don't comment unless invited. Most important, no shoulder surfing! If one of you is reading, writing, drawing, or using the computer, absolutely under no circumstances peek unless invited! These walls of courtesy have very effectively replaced real walls, for us.

As for missing friends and family, set up a blog and train them to use email - the easiest way to stay in touch as you travel. If you can afford it, budget some $$ for airline tickets to fly home for [insert your priority here - Xmas, kid brother's graduation, parents' 40th wedding anniversary, etc]. Before you leave, take photos of your friends & family and make a great collage.


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## Snboard976

I am heading south with my girlfriend in a couple weeks ending up somewhere in the Caribbean. Sometimes we talk about a circumnavigation, but we will have to see how we feel and how our budget is doing in a year. We are leaving from NY and headed down through the ICW. We are both 26. Its always nice to hear about other people our age on a sailboat. Where are you leaving from and what route are you taking?


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## ElementQuest

Hey Chad, great to hear from another young sailing couple!!

Plan is to be in New York for Halloween and then leave for Bermuda the first week in November (weather pending)...Bermuda for a week perhaps, and then not sure Bahamas, Puerto Roco, BVI's???

If your Leave date gets pushed back maybe we could meet in New York or hopefully we could meet up sometime down south.

Thanks for the reply...Ash


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## ferg

here are some other female cruising writers who have interesting points of view on the subject. Try Beth Lenoard's Following Sea and Diana Jessie's The Cruising Woman's Advisor.


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## ferg

on second thought, get your boyfriend to read them so he knows the types of concerns and questions swirling around in your head.


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## eteach

My wife just finished the new book "The Motion of the Ocean" by Janna Cawrse Esarey and stated it reflected her experience sailing offshore and living aboard better than any other book she has read.
She asked me to read it to "get a clue" on how it felt to be offshore with me.
I'm 1/3rd through the book and agree that it should be on a list of books to read along with Beth and Lynn Pardey.


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## Soontobecruiser

One question for you...are you and your boyfriend committed to each other enough to get married? If not I wouldn't suggest planning to cruise for any length of time with him.


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## jennycaron

I'm reading the book "Maiden Voyage" right now. I recently posted a review on our blog about it. It's a great book to read if you're going to be cruising and while Tania does it alone, it's great to see this young woman figuring things out on her own!


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## dogsailors

sorry but that book was so poorly written, no offense to Tania but it sucked. Youll be fine as long as your man isnt a wus complaining all the time. Just keep your cool and life will be splendid. My advice is to hide a little gin and tonic water under the setee


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## mitiempo

I just went to her blog. Her and her boyfriend are chartering - taking paying passengers for each leg of the trip. They are apparently booked into next year and have a tight schedule as far as I can see. While I wish the best, it's a schedule like I've never seen for any but seasoned world travellers. They are taking the fast track around apparently.
Adrenalin Sports Tours
Scroll down to the itinerary.
Brian


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## jennycaron

dogsailors said:


> sorry but that book was so poorly written, no offense to Tania but it sucked.


Regardless, this "poorly written" book is incredibly inspiring to some and it's worth considering. It has a 4 1/2 star review on Amazon by 83 people and was a recommended read by Library Journal. Of course, it was written when she was 21 and this is apparent, but that's what gives it charm.


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## captainmurph

I'd agree that Tania's book is a good tale and inspiring; I don't have any issues about it being poorly written.

In fact, I just reread it last week. I met Tania years ago at Strictly Sail Chicago and was moved to buy the book way back then.

As a writer myself, I resist any temptation to analyze anything I'm reading for knowledge and enjoyment. If there are flaws in her presentation, the story itself more than compensates for them.

Murph'


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## barnakiel

I am not a Lady but getting closer to becoming one.

(Wo)man - just do it.

If the social (ma, pa, friends, dog, church) issues bother you more than the sea matters then perhaps try for some way of visiting them often and discuss the matter in advance with the captain.

Sailing-wise the circumnavigation is easy, but beware of emotional pitfalls.

b.


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## SPONGE

*Re: lady cruisers*

Hi Ash!

I saw your post here on SailNet and your user name sounded familar and I said it to my husband and he reminded me that we met you at the 79th Street Boat Basin in NYC about 3 weeeks ago! We were the couple with the two black and white dogs and we talked for a bit while we were doing laundry.

How are you? When are you headed on your circumnavigation? We are currently in Deltaville, VA, 1 day away from the AICW, thank god!

Anyway good luck on your trip! We are headed to FL for a bit so maybe we will see you somewhere along the way.

Take Care, Nicole

Cape Dory 28' "Sponge"


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## SPONGE

I read Motion of the Ocean also and it was a fantastic read. I alughed out loud on several occasions and she is young too which makes it a little more accessible and easy to see yourself in her shoes.


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## ChipG

Did you guys read Ashleys post on her blog from November 8th? They were in a bad storm and had to be rescued by the coast guard.


Glad you guys are ok!


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## ChipG

Adrenalin Sports Tours


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## sailingdog

The boat was abandoned IIRC.


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## deniseO30

OMG! I read and i'm stunned! Glad they survived! 
I can't help but wonder about the dates.. they made it from NY on the 2nd to the Gulf Stream on the 8th? in that short a time? Sure would like to hear the speculation on this one! Did the weather go freakish or was the trip planned badly?

I don't know where to look for the CG reports on such a rescue either.


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## sailingdog

Denise—

My friends made it from Marion, Mass to Norfolk, VA in about three-and-a-half days, with a night stop in Port Jefferson, NY.  So getting down to the Gulf Stream from NY in six isn't that tough.


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## deniseO30

Thanks SD. Cam sent me a PM also.. looked up the incident on the CG site. 
coastal sailing must be way faster then river sailing! LOL


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