# Make No Assumptions.



## svHyLyte (Nov 13, 2008)

I have placed this in "Her SailNet" as most often, but not always, ladies are on yachts at the behest of their husbands/boy-friends if not by their own volition. However, regardless of whether it is the male or female of the species that brings a mate to the sport/avocation of sailing, or any other endeavor, the warning I have to offer holds true. Do not believe that simply because one's mate/much better half/wife/husband/ or what have you has been aboard, or elsewhere, observing you use heavy equipment, and perhaps under limited circumstances, using it themselves, that he or she is thoroughly enough acquainted with the vagaries and nuances of the gear and able to use it safely and effectively themselves without your immediate presence.

As I write this my (much, much) better half lays in the adjoining room, in our bed, swathed in bandages, covered in bruises and with a cast on her right hand and arm because I assumed that, having observed me using, and having used herself several times, with and without my supervision, a very large and powerful piece of equipment, that she was adequately versed in its operation and use. She was not. And, only by the grace of God and a 6" or so margin, is she alive tonight and (relatively) okay, and me not grieving over her crushed, dead body at a mortuary somewhere. It has been a horrible two days since last Sunday night and I have spent two near sleepless nights and days for my own foolish, if not entirely stupid, assumptions and consequential failure to ensure she adequately and thoroughly understood the complete and safe operation of the equipment she was using in my absence. In our case it did not happen aboard the yacht, but, upon reflection, it easily could have with some other piece of gear. A 4'-11", 105#, 58 year old woman, could/would have stood no chance against a hurtling 2 ton object save for the Grace of G_d..

In our case it was an automobile that she had previously driven but only intermittently and rarely without me aboard (she doesn't drink and so, if I have more than two glasses of wine while we're out, by our agreement she drives). Because I needed her "truck" (i.e. RX 350) to shlep some equipment up to the yacht in preparation for our planned Christmas cruise, she was driving my car, which has an entirely different parking brake arrangement than does her truck, regardless of the fact that they are built by the same manufacturer. When parking she routinely sets the emergency/parking brake which I virtually never do. So, when she came out to the car in the dark, late Sunday evening, she could not figure out how to release the parking brake which, on her car, merely requires a push on the brake peddle but on my car requires the pull of a lever under the port side of the dash board. Because of the darkness, she opened the driver's side door and in the dim illumination of the dome light, stepped out of the car and knelt down to find the parking brake release. Because the car would not move with the brake set, she did not realize that she had not shoved the gearshift back into park. Accordingly, when she found and pulled the parking brake release, the car lurched backward, with the open door, knocking her to the ground, catching her garment and dragging her along aside the car. In the sand and shell covered parking lot her clothes, legs and back were torn to shreds until the garment finely tore enough to release her although, with that, the front left tire rolled over her right arm and hand. Had she been on pavement and not, relatively, soft sand, her arm would have been destroyed rather than simply "crushed". Likewise, judging by the tread-marks on the ground and on her jacket, had the car been 6" or so further left, her face and skull would have been crushed. It did not happen but the horror of the possibility, alone, has keep me sleepless at her side since the event.

The event has also brought to mind the number of times I have allowed her to use equipment aboard and about the yacht, assuming that as she has seen me do the same for 25+ years, she is equally qualified to do so but now realizing that she may not be, or certainly is not, without specific training and repeat drills so that ones' skills/training do not wither for want of use. Given the painful lesson I have learned with this, I thought the least I could do is share it, and the warning, with others, lest they and their partners be forced to learn the same painful lesson as have I. Share your knowledge with you partner. Practice and run your and your partner's drills and sharpen your skills routinely. Either, or both, of your comfort and safety, to say nothing of lives, may depend upon them.

FWIW...


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## MarkofSeaLife (Nov 7, 2010)

I hope she is alright, and gets better soon.

I agree with what you say, but you cant be nurse maid to everyone on this earth. If she doesnt know how to drive a car at this stage of life then there is nothing you can do except sound like an weirdo pushing her to every advanced corse.

You cant be the font of all knowlege so let her learn from her own mistake as you have had to in all your life.

Hope shes better quickly.

Mark


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## jimgo (Sep 12, 2011)

Best wishes to her for a speedy and full recovery. I know you feel guilty - don't blame yourself. It was an accident. Take good care of her, and cherish the rest of your time together, but don't blame yourself.


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## OZWILD (Aug 23, 2013)

Don't beat yourself up mate.
These things happen, and unlike the workplace, life is generally not "process based." 
Good luck with the recovery from injury.


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## chall03 (Oct 14, 2002)

I hope she is alright.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery.


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## Sal Paradise (Sep 14, 2012)

That's terrible but you should not beat yourself up about it. I don't think its your fault at all. Just an accident and a lesson learned perhaps.


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## Donna_F (Nov 7, 2005)

HyLyte, I wholeheartedly agree about not assuming that another person knows what he or she is doing. I've seen where an assumption on a boat almost went horribly wrong.

Thank your God that you've been lucky up to this point and that you have been given a second chance to do it differently in the future. 

Telling you not to beat yourself up is pointless this close to the event but hopefully you'll realize it later.


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## LesleyS (Sep 25, 2010)

HyLyte, I am so sorry to hear of your mate's accident, and so glad she will recover. I second Donna's sentiments, and hopefully you will both enjoy a good laugh over it together in the future. In the meantime, it is a wonderful blessing to realize (especially at this time of year) exactly what is most important in our lives, and be given a second chance to work better as a team. 
(Besides, I have always said that automatic transmissions are one of the most vile inventions EVER. ;-)
Best of luck with your spouse's recovery and many happy miles of sailing together. 

Lesley
SheerJoy
Morgan 416 O/I Ketch


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## azguy (Jul 17, 2012)

Unfortunate, just a plain accident, they happen. Best wishes !!


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## zeehag (Nov 16, 2008)

mrs hylyte..hurrry back to good health.

mr hylyte...please do not beat yourself up so hard.


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## Siamese (May 9, 2007)

If you reversed the roles in this situation, would you be blaming _her_ if she had failed to tell you how to release the parking brake?

Sounds to me like she goofed.


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## svHyLyte (Nov 13, 2008)

Thank you all for your kind sentiments and well wishes. Ms. Priss is now up, limping about, still bandaged and much black and blue, but demanding to know when she can get "her" car back (which, of course she cannot until mine--which she was driving in the event-is repaired). With still only one functional hand and moving only with pain, she can't safely drive, so we're not even going close to that yet, which will certainly engender more complaints regardless of how wise. In the mean time, the torn and tattered jacket she had on in the event, with wheel tracks/tire marks across one sleeve, hangs on a hook in laundry room near the garage entry door and so will remain as a (grim) reminder not to assume (which my daughter pointed out makes an "ASS (of) U (and) ME").

I have discussed these events with other friends at our yacht club and each seems to have one or more tales of injury/mayhem with equipment on yachts or otherwise that all seem to begin with the same foreword: "She saw me/him use _____ (fill in the blank) dozens of times so I/he assumed..." followed by descriptions of terrible injuries or, in one case, fatality.

Live and (if lucky) learn... Once burned, twice wise... For me/us, in future assumption will not outweigh instruction/assurance regardless of how often repeated.


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## janice142 (Feb 12, 2001)

Ouch... the poor baby. Wishing her a speedy recovery!


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## svHyLyte (Nov 13, 2008)

janice142 said:


> Ouch... the poor baby. Wishing her a speedy recovery!


Thanks for the sentiment Janice. She's about 80% back to normal but still doing therapy on her hand. Unfortunately, she may only get limited recovery with that, but she is functional. Between my own limited use of my left arm (after an accident in 2004) and her limited use of her right hand, managing the yacht will be interesting once the weather improves this spring. We'll see.

Cheers...


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## Donna_F (Nov 7, 2005)

I'm raising a (tea) cup to her health and hoping that the two of you adapt and are able to continue sailing.


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