# Greetings from Mister Bilge



## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

Hello from an old fat guy whose boat (28' S2) is currently in his back yard being re-fit (backyard good....75 mile away boatyard bad.)
Been on Lake Cahmplain for about 28 yrs, come next season the plan is to go S on the lake, down the Champlain Canal, down the Hudson, out Long Island Sound and up the coast on New England, probably leaving the boat somewhere around Portsmouth NH in the Fall, return trip or DownEast on 2010. Hoping to spend extensive time in my native RI (kept boats in Newport and Greenwich Bay years ago.)
Hope to be spinning yarns extensively with you over the long, cold winter here in Vermont. 

Cheers,

MrB


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## camaraderie (May 22, 2002)

Hey welcome! Member Labatt just did that trip so you two should compare notes. Where in VT is 75 miles away from Champlain? (I went to school 35 miles south of Burlington and lived in Winooski for a bit later.) It's a dry cold eh?


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## craigtoo (Aug 17, 2007)

Glad to have ya Mr. B!

Throw a log on and pour yourself snifter full!


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## Perithead (Nov 16, 2007)

Welcome, and good luck with your refit!

If you have any questions ask, the people here love to help.


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## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

camaraderie said:


> Hey welcome! Member Labatt just did that trip so you two should compare notes. Where in VT is 75 miles away from Champlain? (I went to school 35 miles south of Burlington and lived in Winooski for a bit later.) It's a dry cold eh?


Ahh&#8230;Mr. C
You present me with my first opportunity to spin a yarn.
I was schlepping around Old San Juan some years ago, and poked into a local looking joint, I believe named "Maria's."
Maria, who was, oddly, French was the proprietor/barmaid and husband of my stool mate&#8230;an interesting bird if there ever was one. He was an elderly guy. A Reebok on the left foot, a Nike on the right. His shirt was tattered and torn. His fingers nicotine stained. Unshaven. I found it interesting he and wife Maria didn't share fluency in any one particular language, but as I've just celebrated 32 years of marital bliss&#8230;.BLISS&#8230;[email protected]#$%^&* BLISS I TELL YOU!!! it seems to make more and more sense all the time.
Anyway, as we're making small talk, he tells me about marching up to (and running back from) the Yalu River with McArthur. Asking me where I was from, I responded "..Vermont." at which time he states: "Ah yes, Vermont. Fine skiing. I went to college up there&#8230;" and as he couldn't remember the name of the college, I started to rattle some of them off, none of which rang a bell to him. 
Wow. 
By now, I'm starting to feel a Jimmy Buffet song welling up somewhere in the recesses of my mind as the rum is starting to take affect. I'm guessing he wasn't in the same state of buzz, as he was drinking cans of Similac. Must help if your wife is the bar manager/tender. I'm having a hard time imagining bellying up to a joint in the Caribbean and requesting "&#8230;yeah..gimme a Similac&#8230;neat&#8230;.no glass&#8230;can's ok."
So the small talk continues, and outta the blue he pipes up "Middlebury&#8230;that's where I went to school!" (The reason for this whole rant, gentle reader, is Mr. C states he went to school 35 miles S of Burlington, which I deduce to be Middlebury.)
So on we went for another however so long, eventually going our separate ways. My life enriched, his&#8230;&#8230;.well, who knows.
Anybody been to Maria's? She had a picture of herself and, of all people, O.J. hanging up behind the bar.


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## craigtoo (Aug 17, 2007)

Great Story!

Never been to Maria's though....


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## WouldaShoulda (Oct 7, 2008)

I was in Vermont once...

Let's see, there was ice cream, Hippies, and B&Bs if I recall.

Yup, that's it!!


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## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

"..there was ice cream.."
Yep, my first dip was done by a hippie. It was Ben. He & Jerry don't do the dipping anymore.


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## camaraderie (May 22, 2002)

Hah...LOL...a lot of us Midd kids end up on bar stools in out of the way places! 

Now...I'll go you one more...since you mention Ben. I played ball with the guy who drew the Cows on his ice cream containers. Still there in Midd with many $$$'s in his pocket...all from cows!! 
Check this out:
Woody Jackson - home of Holy Cow, Inc. and his famous herd of holstein images and cow art


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## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

Ahh yes. Of your Midd vintage there was probably Brian Curry, whom I shared a farmhouse with up in Bakersfield, brother-in-law of a college roomate of mine at TCU, and Tyrone T of the "Throbulators."
About a year ago, the Dog Team burned down under very peculiar circumstances.


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## camaraderie (May 22, 2002)

Holy Cannolli...yeah I know Brian! Small world. 
Oh gawd...no more sticky buns!!!


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## Leither (Sep 30, 2008)

MisterBilge said:


> Ahh&#8230;Mr. C
> You present me with my first opportunity to spin a yarn.
> .


Welcome to SailNet, Mr B. If your yarns are all going to be as good as your first one, then keep 'em coming!

Stuart

PS I have never been to Vermont, or Maria's.....


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## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

camaraderie said:


> Holy Cannolli...yeah I know Brian! Small world.
> Oh gawd...no more sticky buns!!!


I got together with Brian's brother Russ out in Colorado Springs, '77. We went for a soooooothing libation at a place where he bartended part time called "Jose Muldoon's"..... gotta love a place with a name like that, and 3 guess as to what the beverage of choice was (hint: it saves time, amigo.)
As he was an employee, the good news was we didn't have to leave at closing time. The bad news was...we didn't have to leave at closing time. We had SUCH a good time, I ended up with 32 stitches in my head. 
Medically required to do my best impersonation of a Sikh, I could no longer don my helmet and fly back the trusty, thrusty F-106 in which I had arrived. That took some e's'planin' to do, Lucy...none of which was acceptable. Some generals can get really anal about things like that. 
But I digress. Last I knew, Brian was living in NYC, but that's 25 yr old data.
His ex (forgot her name, but I think she was a Midd gal) decided she wanted to be an actress, schlepped out to Hollywood and actually got some gigs on Soaps! 
Winooski has gone through another "renaissance" and is now a big traffic rotary. Driving in circles....around Winooski.... the mind reels. But it is money better spent than the dome they were considering way back when. A cartoon at work showed "Winooski's Dome" as a garbage can lid. Tough crowd, n'est ce pas? 
But enough Tom Foolery. Today's task is to empty out the boat and get ready to start tearing apart the engine, as the 27 year old impeller finally gave up the ghost. Doesn't owe me a dime.

Cheers,

Mr B


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## CharlieCobra (May 23, 2006)

The only time I was in Vermont was when I was passing through while driving truck. I had this homely weightmaster (female) at the scale booth tickle my palm while smiling sweetly. My ex wife sitting shotgun didn't appreciate it much.


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## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

CharlieCobra said:


> The only time I was in Vermont was when I was passing through while driving truck. I had this homely weightmaster (female) at the scale booth tickle my palm while smiling sweetly. My ex wife sitting shotgun didn't appreciate it much.


Yes, indeed. Our Vermont women share a trait or 3 without Vermont boats, mostly old, beamy, and with just the right touch or dry rot. The state is basically a theme park done in wood and bad dental work. Take the Admiral, for example. She used to play goalie on the dart team....never let a shot get by.
So, anybody else take a hose to their boat yesterday.....to get the 3 inches of ice out of the cockpit?


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## SimonV (Jul 6, 2006)

*Welcome to the asylum *


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## labatt (Jul 31, 2006)

Welcome MrB! We've been on Champlain for a few years - over in Willsboro Bay. We spent more time on the VT side, however, as Burlington is one of the cooler destinations. We recently decided to go cruising and are currently holed up in Annapolis waiting for some work to be completed and a weather window to pass. Welcome aboard and perhaps we'll see you at some point, here or on Champlain!


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## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

labatt said:


> Welcome MrB! We've been on Champlain for a few years - over in Willsboro Bay. We spent more time on the VT side, however, as Burlington is one of the cooler destinations. We recently decided to go cruising and are currently holed up in Annapolis waiting for some work to be completed and a weather window to pass. Welcome aboard and perhaps we'll see you at some point, here or on Champlain!


Warning Gentle Readers: This is MisterBilge long.
Hey 'Batts
We "met' over on another forum. I think you PM'ed me re: hauling the standing rigging down below the Champlain Canal as being prohibitively expensive. I was thinking of hauling it myself with an open trailer and my p.u. truck, rigged on jack stands. Probably highly illegal if not also stooooooooopid, but I've found that when I get pulled over for whatever moving violation, whining and sobbing uncontrollably and threatening suicide usually gets me off the hook. 
I swapped emails with our mutual friend Gene. Hoping to meet him in, where is it, Catskill? for a libation on my trip down the canal. Which conveniently leads me into another yarn concerning the movement of vessels (or vehicles) through a fluid environment, qualifying (albeit oh so slightly) for review by this August body.
As back drop, Gene was an A-10 pilot in the USAF. I, on the other hand, flew much more manly airplanes, F-16s, F-4s, and F-106s. REAL men have afterburners and the ability to fly past Mach 1, and, for that matter, Mach 2. There's a highschool-ish rivalry between fighter pilots and their noble steeds, so grant me a minute to trash his. 
The A-10 was designed around it's gun, a 30 mm monster that, when they're test firing them up here in the Green Mountains, sounds like a cross between Godzilla and the world's largest bear being rudely awakened from hibernation. It's straight wings and high bypass fanjets give it great maneuverability whence scurrying around a battlefield in a "bogey rich environment" of Ivan's currently rusting 50,000 tanks. 
As it would be getting up close and personal with ZSU 23 mm anti-aircraft-artillery, the Air Force was nice enough to give the pilots a titanium "bath tub" to sit in for protection from the aforementioned problem. 
So, the good news is, it can take a lot of hits. The bad news is, it's gonna. In order to prepare ("Train like you're going to fight!") these sheep for the slaughter, they'd set them in a Dempsey Dumpster and throw bricks at it. Effectiveness still under review.
Formally the "A-10 Thunderbolt II" it is such an ugly piece of hardware it carries the more appropriate moniker of "Warthog" and it's knights bear shoulder patches inscribed with "Go Ugly Early." More manly aircraft have limitations measured in Mach (speed of sound) number or skin temperature, hence when entering into battle we would first attempt to acquire the "speed of heat." The 'Hogs were more famous for being able to get them up to the "speed of snow."
One of the more fun things in life, besides sailing, of course, is "Hog Poppin,'" truly, the Sport of Kings, and about as fair a fight as fox hunting. In order to keep it interesting, we'd usually set it up so that it was simply a gunfight. Their lacking radar, missiles, and the ability to fly away from a well-thrown softball it seemed like the honorable thing to do. 
Here's where it starts to get fun. For the sake of safety, a pilot has to know the greatest number of how many airplanes are going to be in the "fur ball" in order to minimize the chances of running into each other. While setting up the fight over the phone, I'd always let them think there was going to be 2 in my flight, even if I was going to be alone. We'd brief up altitude blocks (they'd always get the bottom 2000 ft) kill criteria, etc, and inter-flight radio on UHF, intra-flight on VHF. Entering the airspace, we'd "check in" with each other on UHF. I'd disguise my voice/change accents to indeed appear to be a flight of 2 F-16s.
At "Fight's on&#8230;cameras on." They would start marching up the track, trying to gain speed, one eye on their radar warning equipment, one eye on a swivel looking for the "dreaded Hun." The trick is to fly pretty much over the top of them by 20,000 feet or so, not locking them up with the radar to give away position, and just doing some mental math as to where they are going to be after they "gimbal" the radar at the bottom of the case, then roll over on your back into a "split-S" maneuver to swoop down on them. Like sailors, pilots tend to spend more time looking around the horizon rather than vertically. Sometimes as a courtesy, we'd call a "Fox 2" heat seeking missile shot, just to let them know "We'rrrrrrre Herrrrrrre" and watch them go into "The Hog Dance" which was a counter-rotating circle just about impossible to get inside of because of their straight wing, small radius turning circle. 
So the thing is to press in, take at least a "snap shot" (as opposed to a near impossible tracking shot) with our 20 mm gun, then pull up in the vertical trying to escape their long range 30 mm. At this point, with a voice feigning a sense of urgency, one would "screw up" and call "Off to the (direction)" on the inter-flight frequency. Thence, with the disguised voice, the "other guy" (still me) would call "Two's in from the (other direction)" and watch the 'hogs break off the counter attack and start looking for the "other" coming in from&#8230;&#8230; wherever.
Hey, it's kinda like throwing the screw and washer into the other guy's mainsail when racing&#8230;.if y'aint cheating&#8230;&#8230;
So, dear moderators, there's a bunch of bandwidth you'll never have back. And Gentle Readers a good 5 minutes. But I did qualify it by vessels moving through a fluid environment. 
Lemme know if my yarns are too far out there, and I'll cease and desist.

Cheers,

MrB


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## WouldaShoulda (Oct 7, 2008)

Nothing quite like the sound of the gun on an A-10!!

Afterburners.

Claymore mine detonation.

120mm on the M-1

.50 cal M-2

I get a hard-on just thinking about it!!


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## bubb2 (Nov 9, 2002)

With all due respect to fast mover drivers, I always felt better with a *Spectre* overhead.


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## christyleigh (Dec 17, 2001)

Hi there Mr. B..... from "The West coast of New England" - I like it  I've only been across your Lake Champlain on the ferry .... but it sure is a beautiful place. Used to sail down the other end of VT in my Siren 17 on the 2 giant N.E. Power Co reservoirs on the back side of Mt Snow about 15 years ago. I used to keep a few of my previous boats up in your old stomping grouds Greenwich Bay, NG Bay for a while before moving down to Wickford too..... Welcome


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## MisterBilge (Dec 3, 2008)

christyleigh said:


> Hi there Mr. B..... from "The West coast of New England" - I like it  I've only been across your Lake Champlain on the ferry .... but it sure is a beautiful place. Used to sail down the other end of VT in my Siren 17 on the 2 giant N.E. Power Co reservoirs on the back side of Mt Snow about 15 years ago. I used to keep a few of my previous boats up in your old stomping grouds Greenwich Bay, NG Bay for a while before moving down to Wickford too..... Welcome


Sir Stanley
Muchos gratias for the warm welcome. I'm hoping to make Wickford (for the non locals, it's pronounced WIK-fid) one of my ports-o-call on next summer's adventure. Come to find out I have reciprocity (when first mentioned, a cousin in Coventry thought that might be a medical affliction) at the WYC through the CHNYC over in the East Passage, just N of the bridge. 
I so look forward to being surrounded by the Ro- DY-lun accent I've lost over these so many years. When I first tossed my anchor out to the Admiral a few hundred years ago, I introduced her to another cousin who has the thickest Craaaaaaanston accent you could imagine. Given my wife's North Dakota accent (think the movie "Fargo") it was fun just eaves dropping.
So my cousin asks my wife: " So Kay, you got P-S-Deahs?" and the Admiral responds (read in Fargoese now) "Well, I don' knowww, iis dat sumtin de doktur could telll mee?"
Thence my cousin grabs her ear lobe and says: " no, no, PEE-usd-deeeeahs&#8230;..I'm askin' if yaw EEE-yahss are PEE-usd awe not."
'Tis a better spoken than written yarn, but I so look forward to the land of Saugys, Awful-Awfuls, Dels, coffee syrup, vinegar on French fries, Johnny cakes, and folk who know the difference between Pawtucket, Pawtuxet, and Pawcatuck.
I hope we get to cross swords.

Cheers,

MrB


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