# I dont feel safe with husband onboard



## Wifey (Jan 10, 2012)

.


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

Too bad, but not uncommon. Hard to assess his sailing skills based on your rendition. First mate on an ocean passage? What is your sailing experience and knowledge? It is only clear that you know what an accidental jybe is. Could it be he was just unfamiliar with the boat itself, as it was new and was getting used to it? That will cure itself quickly, if he really is experienced. 

By the way, drive to America from where?


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

Maybe the two of you should go away and take a week long live aboard sailing course together. Despite any difference in experience or ability, all can always learn and it becomes a partnership.


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## JedNeck (Sep 22, 2011)

I am typically anti-overreacting wife but I don't personally think that is enough experience for a ocean trip in rough weather. A season in protected water on the boat and then working up to worse conditions seems reasonable. 

The trick now is finding a way to communicate that without starting a war. If he's like me a frontal assalt isn't a good idea. Agreeing to continue trying and telling him you're afraid when you are is a better route. Be a girl, guys like that. Telling him you know more than him(even though you do) and screaming is hardly ever going to have a positive reaction. 

...a boat can only have one Captian...but the crew has to trust him... 

Manhater-flamesuit on.


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## PCP (Dec 1, 2004)

Just offer him a nice gift: A complete sail course with lots of hours of offshore sea experience. He would love it and you will be sure that he gets the practice with someone experienced. That way you will get a new man, at least in what sailboat experienced is concerned.

Regards

Paulo


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

Wifey said:


> ...Advice?


Marital counselling, or bring your whip along and re-establish your dominance over the "captain"?

The sailboat has become the stage for you to act out your conflict over who is in control of the relationship and who is the dominant partner. Your post reads as if you have been the dominant partner in your relationship and you are now upset that your husband's position as the captain/owner of the boat has usurped your power and control in the relationship.

Everyone makes mistakes, on land and at sea. What were the actual consequences of his jibes, other than your overreaction?

You might also consider taking more English-as-a-second-language lessons (I hope you are from Quebec and not one of the English-speaking provinces in Canada).


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## Irunbird (Aug 10, 2008)

Hi- Wifey- I agree with all of the above. My wife and I started sailing a little over 3 years ago after I had taken some basic sailing lessons in dinghies. It's such a complicated arrangement on board a sailboat between a couple that can sometimes spark very emotional reactions. I know one local couple who absolutely refuse to sail with each other (and they both love to sail), which is just sad considering where we live and the venue we have here. I've chalked up those early squabbles to my own inexperience and lack of self-confidence-- one of those life's lessons that would eventually make our bond stronger if we survived it, which we have. My initial goal was wanting to do something that involved my wife (I raced bikes for 20-some years, she didn't). What it's turned into is a longer journey of learning as much as there is about sailing and we hope to become full-time cruisers one day. We've had our moments, though- especially that first year. It's not like he's never going to ever make a mistake again, and another accidental jibe is just a matter of time. It's usually not such a big deal on a 25 foot boat (depending on the weather and sea state, of course) and usually amounts to not paying attention. But I agree with the others; take some more sailing courses and know that you'll *both* make mistakes along the way as you gain experience. There are tons of great sailing courses out there no matter how much experience you have, but nothing beats just getting out there as long as you don't end up squabbling the whole time.

Good luck!

Ray


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

jameswilson29 said:


> Marital counselling, or bring your whip along and re-establish your dominance over the "captain"?
> 
> The sailboat has become the stage for you to act out your conflict over who is in control of the relationship and who is the dominant partner. Your post reads as if you have been the dominant partner in your relationship and you are now upset that your husband's position as the captain/owner of the boat has usurped your power and control in the relationship.
> 
> ...


This has got to be one of the most inane responses I've seen on SailNet.

What does her command of written English have to do with anything? I have seen far more incomprehensible posts made by alleged English-as-a-first-language members.

As for your insolent evaluation of her relationship: a little more Perry Mason and little less Doctor Phil would be in order.

Regarding the OP's request for advice: In my opinion I think that the suggestion to take take a course with your husband is a good one.


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

flyingwelshman said:


> This has got to be one of the most inane responses I've seen on SailNet...


Thanks, I am glad to have set some kind of record.

I actually have a lot more experience than you do dealing with this kind of nonsense. As a divorce lawyer, I listen to this kind of crap all day.

You naively believe this has something to do with sailing ability. Wrong - this is a power struggle that just happens to be playing out on a sailboat. It is all about dominance in the relationship.

This couple needs marital counselling, not sailing lessons.


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## Flybyknight (Nov 5, 2005)

Take another look at your wedding vows, then decide if you want to be a spouse or a captain.
Exposing a marital rift in public is not imho a good idea.
BTW we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this past June.
Richard


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## dacap06 (Feb 2, 2008)

I'd recommend the two of you takes the CYA sailing courses together, starting at the very beginning. Work your way up through coastal cruising. You can rest assured that your knowledge and skill will increase and so will his.


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

jameswilson29 said:


> This couple needs marital counselling, not sailing lessons.


That's as maybe, however, seeing as this is a sailing website, not the Opra Winfrey Show, I think suggestions regarding marriage counselling might be better addressed via PM. Hey, maybe you can score a new client to hold in the disdain to which you seem to hold others.

Your recommendation of English lessons had no bearing on the OP's question regarding sailing, nor your innappropriate comments about her relationship.

There are many contributors to this forum who are from other than the United States and for whom English is not a first language. The quality of thier contributions should be judged on the content or concept of their post not the manner in which it was delivered.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

Thankfully my wife trusts me for "now"... I'm sure there will come a time when I scare both of us! 

Sounds like you both need more experience, only one way to get that...


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

It's a very good point that it would be fairly unrecoverable if your husband were to read your exposure to strangers on the Internet. I also have to say, there is a cast of suspicion when these kind of stories and requests for advice are someone's first post to strangers. Often they are just intended to spark a conflict here.

Assuming its all legit, it is at least possible that this is a power struggle. I can't know. Those comments did have me reflecting on my own relationship. My second wife just took sailing lessons a few years ago. Never ever sailed before. I've been on the water for over 30 years. She is a very strong and independent woman (one of the things I love about her). However, at first she would question a lot of what we were doing and would want everything explained before she would act. "Release the main!!" is not usually requested with time to explain.  There is no doubt that she didn't want to feel the need to be told what to do, but wanted to be independent and able to make the call herself. It's all settled down (well almost all) and we work together very well now. Not the OP's exact scenario, but it takes effort from both spouses to achieve mutual respect at sea.


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## Irunbird (Aug 10, 2008)

Woops! Sorry, Wifey- looks like you're getting more than you bargained for.. all sorts of advice. I didn't mean to agree with "all" posts, but you see how things can take a tangent in a direction you didn't intend. I think your english and writing skills are fine- the message got across. There are more posts on this forum that lack proper sentence structure, grammar and punctuation (mine included), that can be just as misleading as one where english skills are second to that of another language, so you can't fault her for that. And we wonder why more women aren't posting on sailnet...


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## Ulladh (Jul 12, 2007)

I suspect that he was as scared as you in the excessive heel and accidental gybes, but as a guy he was presenting a stoic face and toughing it out as a way to make you feel more secure. Just being a normal guy.

I would suggest you both take some more sailing courses separately and build skills and enough self confidence to not go the "fake it till you make it" route.


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## -OvO- (Dec 31, 2011)

Wifey, I'm going to reiterate the suggestion about taking some classes, but unless you have an unusually good relationship, it might be better to do them separately -- at least at first. It seems that you don't fully trust your husband in this context. That might be totally appropriate here, I don't know, but it makes you feel guilty and him humiliated. You should get some experience on keelboats with a skipper you really do trust. Also, you may find it easier to take instruction from someone you're not emotionally involved with.

And your husband should get some experience in a setting where he can screw up without shame, so both of you can get the experience (and third-party validation) you need to be able to trust each other. A boat is too small a space and cooperation is too critical to have a crew who is screaming at each other.


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## Ajax_MD (Nov 24, 2009)

I just can't shake the nagging feeling that this is a troll post.

If it's not...

The assessment that I make from the very limited information provided, is that the husband is prone to biting off more than he can chew, and does not recognize his own limitations, nor does he care to have them pointed out to him.

As such, presenting him with a gift of sailing lessons may just insult him, not encourage him to improve himself. Marriage counseling may indeed, be in order. At the very least, a very tactful approach to showing the husband that he needs more education and experience, and only "Wifey" knows best how to do that.

Good luck with that.


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## ctl411 (Feb 15, 2009)

Rig a preventer on the main, a 25 footer in any seaway is a handful ddw. Never stand so you can get hit buy the boom. If you don't like the heel reduce sail. Have a talk ( off the boat) about your concerns when things are calm . It is stressful getting a new to you boat home.


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## jimrafford (Jan 7, 2011)

I second the troll post. Reads an allfull lot like the emails I get every week from the UK. I just won 1.5 million this morning.
To the post if legit.
You are both in over your heads. Get some lessons. Go on a charter w/ some experianced friends. Confidence takes practice and time. That or an lawyer.
My wife and I met racing over 30 years ago. We work as a great team but still occasionally raise our voices in tence moments when the winds up.
Jim


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## denverd0n (Jun 20, 2008)

jameswilson29 said:


> This couple needs marital counseling, not sailing lessons.


I have to agree. This is not a sailing problem so much as it is a communication problem.

As for whether such suggestions should be made in PMs... the OP is the one who decided to air the marital issues in a public forum.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

Wifey said:


> Hello, new here.
> 
> I love that my new husband loves sailing. He is a down to earth person that finds Pleasure in lifes simple and beautiful things. I adore him.
> 
> ...


I'll be totally honest with you. Purely from what you write (especially the bold part) it sounds to me like, yes, he screwed up. But you screwed up too. (Just like things usually are in marriages).

He screwed up with the sailing. That's definitely not uncommon. But, on the plus side for him, he was trying to be accommodating to you afterwards by offering to motor, etc. The bottom line seems that he just wanted to be on a sailboat...with you. And that's cool.

As for your screw up, you're the one with sailing experience. It sounds like you just shut everything down and screamed at him because of his screw-ups (and your fear), as opposed to teaching him.



> The only thing i could do was scream at him to stop, realizing he didnt see his mistake.


Sure I understand you were afraid, but that approach never helps things. You obviously already know this.

Granted, I have no idea what his (or your) personality is like - and whether he would be a good or bad student. But it does sound like you have a few things that you could definitely teach him if you could do it as a "buddy" and as a team.

The bottom line is that you love this about him:



> I love that my new husband loves sailing. He is a down to earth person that finds Pleasure in lifes simple and beautiful things. I adore him.


But you fear this about him:



> If he cant move at my pace, and slowly build my confidence in saili g and my trust in him, id rather be on solid ground. I cant seem to make himsympathetic to these feelings and fear i will miss him for years of our marriage he spends sailing solo.


So it seems that it's something you need to take the initiative on. In my opinion PCP nailed it. Buy both of you some very good sailing lessons. It would be a great way to overcome your fear, while taking it slowly, and teaching him to be a better sailor (while learning a few things yourself)...AND you'll be doing it together, as a team.

Otherwise, singlehanding starts to sound better and better.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

*Smackdaddy*=


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## sailortjk1 (Dec 20, 2005)

Just got in over his head and was not prepard. Bought a new boat and wanted to get it home. Conditions did not allow for a nice easy sail home, simply should have postponed for the right weather window but ego got a hold of him and he said weather be damned, I can handle this. Not good. Knowing your limits is as important as knowing a bowline. 
All the other talk is not what this dscussion is about if you ask me.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

LandLocked66c said:


> *Smackdaddy*=


Actually, that looks like Chuckles. I've got a luxurious mane...and don't look like Chuckles.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

smackdaddy said:


> Actually, that looks like Chuckles. I've got a luxurious mane...and don't look like Chuckles.


You both live in Texas, coincidence - I think NOT!


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

Wifey said:


> ...
> 
> my new husband ...


Bingo.

Your experience has been sailing solo, both literally and metaphorically. Now you are sailing as a team, and, just like your husband, and sailing a bigger boat in open water, this is all new.

Too much new at once can be hard to handle, and it sounds like you had more new than you could chew.

Reading your tale, I see communication and compromise issues more than sailing issues. Both you and your husband did not communicate effectively, and you could not compromise. On your part- how are you supposed to become comfortable sailing with your husband when you refuse to let him raise the sails on what you yourself acknowledge was a calm day? On your husband's side, anger is not an effective communicating tool.

Work on communicating, and take lessons together. Alternately, if you have a local racing fleet, both of you should sign on as crew for beer can racing. It's a great way to learn more about sailing, and, perhaps more importantly, about yourself.


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## Lflowers230 (Jan 7, 2012)

Let me jump in here. Not that I have any great revelations.

My wife and I are about to buy our first boat. A Hunter 22. I have experience in Lasers and Hobie's only and haven't sailed in ten years. My wife has never sailed. We will be in sailing an inland lake so I'm not as worried as I would be out in a bay or gulf where things get rough. Anyways, like I said. I am pretty confident in my personal abilities but I know that I am not qualified to teach my wife. Maybe a buddy but surly not my wife. The marina where we will keep our boat offers certification and my wife is all about having certifications. I figured that even though I am confident that I could handle these inland lakes it will also boost her confidence in me if we take advantage of the class.

I could see something like this happening to us just because we are both strong headed but I would never let my ego endanger her safety. 

My wife and I do everything together and I'd rather take the long route to many joyful days of sailing than the quick route to our outings turning into stressful times for us both. The point to sailing is escape, relaxation, and great times.


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## Siamese (May 9, 2007)

Here's another way for us to look at this situation. Read the original post and reverse the sexes, i.e. the wife bought the boat and insisted on sailing it right away, with perhaps not a lot of experience, and the husband says 'all I could do was scream at her"....bla bla bla. 

I think the general reaction, at least my reaction would be, DUDE...why didn't you participate and assert yourself a little here...and stop whining. 

Kinda changes the perspective.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)




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## robinhood007 (Jan 4, 2012)

If you trust your husband you should discuss with him the matter


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## sailortjk1 (Dec 20, 2005)

Siamese said:


> I think the general reaction, at least my reaction would be, DUDE...why didn't you participate and assert yourself a little here...and stop whining.
> 
> Kinda changes the perspective.


I was thiking along the same lines. OP states to have some experience and knows a thing or two, well than perhaps the suggestion of rigging a preventer or helping the helmsman pay more attention would have been more productive.


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

"Shut up wench...take your shoes off and go down in the galley and make me a rum and coke"...."Better yet, make one for yourself while your down there.."


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

If the sexes were reversed, I'd be thinking, "wow, what an abusive, controlling, arsehole"...exactly the same thing I am thinking about the OP.

Viewing this from the perspective of a reversal of the sexes is a perfectly valid point. Someone who yells onboard over nothing, and declares that he or she has the right to determine whether sails are raised is controlling and manipulative, perhaps even abusive.

I hope the experience of sailing with this virago causes the submissive husband in this scenario to re-evaluate his relationship with her. It is amazing what a tiller or wheel can do to transform a man or a marriage. Perhaps he will grow a pair and dump the shrew.


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## sailortjk1 (Dec 20, 2005)

Wow.


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

jameswilson29 said:


> If the sexes were reversed, I'd be thinking, "wow, what an abusive, controlling, arsehole"...exactly the same thing I am thinking about the OP.
> 
> Viewing this from the perspective of a reversal of the sexes is a perfectly valid point. Someone who yells onboard over nothing, and declares that he or she has the right to determine whether sails are raised is controlling and manipulative, perhaps even abusive.
> 
> I hope the experience of sailing with this virago causes the submissive husband in this scenario to re-evaluate his relationship with her. It is amazing what a tiller or wheel can do to transform a man or a marriage. Perhaps he will grow a pair and dump the shrew.


Bitter much?
This comes damn close to ambulance chasing. Y'know, you being a divorce attorney and all.


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## ImASonOfaSailor (Jun 26, 2007)

First off most of you are stuck on your selfs! Secondly you guys are in 40 ft or bigger monos!

Third its a 25 ft mono and they must have been in weather that they shouldnt have been in with a 25 ft boat and i dont think this guys has sailed in heavey weather if it was light air they boat would not have responded like 
"WIFEY " is saying how she was past her comfort ZONE


Fourthly this is a FORUM if people have issues with things this is a place they can come to talk! SO dont jump on someone that is talking about another! 

Fifthly.. Multihul guys are so different then you MONO people!


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## Wifey (Jan 10, 2012)

.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

jameswilson29 said:


> It is amazing what a tiller or wheel can do to transform a man or a marriage. Perhaps he will grow a pair and dump the shrew.


LOL-LMAO-HOLY SHIITE!!! Dude is cuttin DEEP!


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## JoeDiver (Feb 2, 2011)

1. Stay home. Let him single hand and get familiar with the boat, or just leave him alone and let him sail the boat.

2. Only go out with him in perfect conditions.

3. Take lessons together.

So, unless he's a balding, overweight middle aged man who drives a mini van and has no penis, leave him alone and let him learn to sail his new boat. Get some "you" time while he's out on the water. I think I'm with the lawyer dude on this one.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

Wifey said:


> First I need to explain what I meant by "screaming." By screaming, I meant screaming so he wouldn't kill me with the boom, waiting for the fear to subside and the situation to come under control, then apologizing, and attempting to talk it out. I also want to say again that I was directly in the path of the boom. So some say this was over reacting - maybe. What would the better course of action be? Duck? Watch the metal boom swing over my head, observe the damage on the boat after the fact, then look at my husband and ask if he is okay? I'm am actually just curious what people think is the right response in this kind of situation. Obviously using a lower voice is an option, but I had about half a second to get him to stop turning.


Your OP made it sound like you were screaming at him in anger (i.e. - not helping, just screaming) - then being a bit jerky by refusing to allow him (or even help him) to raise the sails when the conditions were right. At least you made him sound pretty nice and accommodating. That's cool.

Always hard to know everything that really goes on behind the written word. Especially when it comes from an iPhone that has lousy language skills...heh-heh.

Damn you Auto-Correct!

Of course, that never stops anyone like me from offering ill-informed opinions!

Welcome to SN Wifey. It's always lively.


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

Nice try playing the victim!

Abusers always minimize their behavior and always apologize for their abuse; victims rationalize away the abuse, "Oh, she just gets upset easily", "She was just worried about our safety..", "I know she "adores" me, even though she yells at me."

Abuse runs both ways, male on female, and female on male. Unfortunately, abusers and victims seek each other out, so this pair is probably destined for each other.

Lady, your marriage needs counseling. I hope you seek it out.


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## CharlieCobra (May 23, 2006)

Wifey said:


> First I need to explain what I meant by "screaming." By screaming, I meant screaming so he wouldn't kill me with the boom, waiting for the fear to subside and the situation to come under control, then apologizing, and attempting to talk it out. I also want to say again that I was directly in the path of the boom. So some say this was over reacting - maybe. What would the better course of action be? Duck? Watch the metal boom swing over my head, observe the damage on the boat after the fact, then look at my husband and ask if he is okay? I'm am actually just curious what people think is the right response in this kind of situation. Obviously using a lower voice is an option, but I had about half a second to get him to stop turning.
> 
> Also, to the "Lawyer" - As to my command of the English Language, you should have considered that I was using my iphone before you chose to be insulting - it kind of undermined the credibility of all the other things you said. I notice that you didn't defend that part of your first post in your second post. As to the power struggle, the only one I see around here is yours as you try to assert your dominance as a male lawyer over a sailing wife, anonymously on the internet. But hey, thanks for the advice, I guess.


Ah, not a troll and touche'... :laugher

My wife was afraid of big water (though she knows you can drown in 6" as well as 6,000') but got through it with time. Did I scare her? Hell yes. She spent four hours clinging to the companionway ladder as we sailed/surfed in a beam sea gale at no less than 40* of heel averaging 10 knots in a boat with a 7 knot hull speed AGAINST the ebb. We simply had no choice at the time.

My point is, teach your husband, don't scream at him. Yes, ya should've ducked and let the boom cross or spoken slightly louder to warn of the impending gybe. Lighten up and go sailing....


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## tommays (Sep 9, 2008)

Good thing it was not windy 

Its not like you were never on a sailboat and lacked any awareness that a boom could hit you on the head ?


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

I'm starting to think "wifey" is smacks wife airing out the dirty "sailing" laundry... If so I see no reason not to believe her tales!


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## carl762 (Jan 11, 2010)

Well, darnit, looks like I missed a good one. Wifey edited out her op 12 min ago.


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

Not much more to be added. I'm curious what the OP plans to do with the advice they asked for.???

The constructive input can be boiled down to: get lessons and/or back off the ultimatums.

What's it going to be?


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## Minnewaska (Feb 21, 2010)

carl762 said:


> Well, darnit, looks like I missed a good one. Wifey edited out her op 12 min ago.


Deleted as I see it right now. Given that her husband would rightfully feel betrayed by this public flogging, she probably did the right thing.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

Smack? Are you gonna listen to her NOW? Huh?


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## MarkSF (Feb 21, 2011)

Wifey said:


> .


Nice trick. Now no-one knows what the entire thread was about.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

tommays said:


> Good thing it was not windy
> 
> Its not like you were never on a sailboat and lacked any awareness that a boom could hit you on the head ?


Holy Crap! That's some stink!


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## night0wl (Mar 20, 2006)

I'm a bit dissapointed in Sailnet in how quickly this thread went negative and downright nasty. This place isn't Sailing/Cruising Anarchy...and I wouldn't be here if it was or becomes like that board.

Here was a newbie wife sharing her opinion...and it all boiled down to name calling and insults. 

If we keep scaring off genuine newbs, this board will suffer the same fate of many sailing clubs that became all about posturing, bravado, and arrogance. I was glad to finally see a thread that wasn't about "what boat do I choose" or "Is $500 enough for a bluewater cruiser" or the umpteenth "Is a Catalina suitable for ocean passage". This was someone that had an experience and wanted advice. But we scared her off. Quite simply put, I hope we dont end up like all those clubs...fading into irrelevance because of a haughty attitude. We can do better...


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## chris_gee (May 31, 2006)

Actually what was described (now deleted) sounds fairly typical for essentially limited experience sailors in a new boat on what I think may have been a fairly demanding delivery although I don't know the area.
There is a big difference between crewing on a boat with a limited role under supervision and direction and taking full responsibility oneself.
The issues seem to be 1. Building competence. Training, practice in good conditions and time will build this.
2. Fear. This is not unusual. It tends to dissipate with confidence in the boat and in the competence of oneself and the crew captain. One needs to start in benign conditions, which are not threatening and build experience and competence. Gradually one's comfort zone extends. Prudence such as early reefing and watching the weather help. It can be disabling as you found, and its existence needs to be acknowledged and worked with.
3. Stuff will go wrong and mistakes will be made. Often. With experience in good conditions they will become fewer and you become used to correcting them. I mean things like jib sheets being caught, or even accidental jibes.
Cooking is an analogy. Ever burned something or left out an ingredient, or had to ask advice? Should your husband never eat your food in case?
I am not entirely sure about near accidental jibes. If they happen they are fast. If he was just going into a position where this was a possibility, a caution suffices. Yes duck or keep your head out of the way of the boom and an eye on it. They can happen, and are best avoided, but don't inevitably bring the rigging down.
My final suggestion is don't catastrophise either when sailing or over this issue. Simply you are scared, you want both of you to be competent and safe, and a way or plan to ensure you can enjoy sailing together. Relationships often involve resolving issues.


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## carl762 (Jan 11, 2010)

> Deleted as I see it right now. Given that her husband would rightfully feel betrayed by this public flogging, she probably did the right thing.


Well, after reading the whole thread, I get the picture. Yes, nice trick Wifey. Hopefully you and hubby will work it out. Sailing is fun, but it still scares the crap out of me. I hope to gain more confidence this year.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

So is this why women don't comment on sailnet?


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## JedNeck (Sep 22, 2011)

LandLocked66c said:


> So is this why women don't comment on sailnet?


Haha...yes...for alot of reasons...however...this particular woman won't post here again because she came here looking for ammo in a power struggle...and didn't get it...so she took her ball (or maybe his) and went home.


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## CharlieCobra (May 23, 2006)

Yep, took her whatever and went home. Unfortunately for her, some of us here quoted her posts so she's stuck with the results. Shame she gave up and bailed so easily...


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

Didn't have the balls for it I guess...


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

CharlieCobra said:


> Yep, took her whatever and went home. Unfortunately for her, some of us here quoted her posts so she's stuck with the results. Shame she gave up and bailed so easily...


I would like to think that she actually saw her behavior in a new light and wanted to go back and edit her posts to appear better. When she discovered it was too late because she had been quoted, she deleted all posts and bailed.

If they stay together, I hope she and her husband will both learn to honor and respect each other, which does not include posting your private marital difficuties and disputes on a public forum, exercising total control over an activity at your spouse's expense, humiliating and/or yelling at your spouse for no good reason, acting contrite and trying to play the victim when your behavior is exposed on a public forum, then trying to shift the blame to those who exposed you, etc., etc...

She purposely chose to include details about her conflict with her husband and her exercise of her control over him, then solicited general advice from the group.

Don't tell me she did not receive exactly what she asked for.


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## night0wl (Mar 20, 2006)

I think her husband putting her in a situation that is beyond her comfort level points to a flawed individual that deserved the screaming/scared reaction that he got. Being on a undersized/underprepared sailboat in bad weather is reason to *FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE*...and people do what they can do to cope...even if its coping badly. There is more than enough blame to go around here.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

Too bad the husband isn't on here! Might be interesting...


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## RedtheBear (Sep 14, 2010)

The Bear' two cents....
Can't really tell what was what having only one side of the tale but....the Net went mouse hunting with an elephant gun IMHO.


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## LandLocked66c (Dec 5, 2009)

Happens every time you get a "lawyer" involved...


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

LandLocked66c said:


> Too bad the husband isn't on here! Might be interesting...


She has suspended his internet privileges, for indirectly causing this public humiliation...

No raising the sails, no surfing the net, and no "dessert" for at least a month...

When he has learned his lesson (and crawled across the kitchen floor on broken glass to her satisfaction), then and only then can he resume his fun!


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

LandLocked66c said:


> Too bad the husband isn't on here! Might be interesting...


Who says he's not? Heh-heh.


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## therapy23 (Jul 28, 2007)

Last edited by Wifey; 2 Hours Ago at 01:09 PM. 

I wonder what all these pages are about?

Nothing in OPs origina post except a .


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## MarkSF (Feb 21, 2011)

tommays said:


> Good thing it was not windy
> 
> Its not like you were never on a sailboat and lacked any awareness that a boom could hit you on the head ?


Boat in the middle could probably use a reef, or to ease the sails. Looks like he's on the same course as the other two, but sails are trimmed way tighter.


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## JoeDiver (Feb 2, 2011)

therapy23 said:


> Last edited by Wifey; 2 Hours Ago at 01:09 PM.
> 
> I wonder what all these pages are about?
> 
> Nothing in OPs origina post except a .


See Smack's post #22....he quoted the original post.


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

therapy23 said:


> Nothing in OPs origina post except a .


That explains the screaming...


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

Squidd said:


> That explains the screaming...


Heh-heh. I was wondering who was going to knock that softball over the fence.


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

I'm learning.... pretty soon I'll be a regular contributor....


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## Ajax_MD (Nov 24, 2009)

night0wl said:


> I think her husband putting her in a situation that is beyond her comfort level points to a flawed individual that deserved the screaming/scared reaction that he got. Being on a undersized/underprepared sailboat in bad weather is reason to *FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE*...and people do what they can do to cope...even if its coping badly. There is more than enough blame to go around here.


I'm afraid I'm with Nightowl and Bear on this one. It sounds like there's plenty of blame for both parties and that Sailnet gunned her down like a thug in the street. The reason that I feel that some of you went overboard, is because we really had a very limited view of the story, badly written over an iPhone, and didn't get his side of it. A little more tact was called for.

As for you, Night0wl, you really think Cruising Anarchy is so rough? We call it the "walled garden" of Sailing Anarchy. It's really quite tame by comparison, and there's some fantastic experience to be shared in there.

I encourage you to come back and give it one more try.


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## jimrafford (Jan 7, 2011)

My only question is if this event took place last fall as she stated why wait til now to post the question. Something just doesn't smell right.
Jim


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

Bubble, I'm curuious - apart from jw29's English knock - okay and the "ballsy shrew dump" bomb (which, granted, was not that cool), where was douchiness that rises to the level of popping a cap in the street?

I guess I'm a little more middle of the road on this one based on the post.

And +1 on CA. Love that place. I've just been spending way more time in ORA following the VOR lately.


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## davidpm (Oct 22, 2007)

I've been on several deliveries as skipper with new boat owners. I have really seen that the husband wife dynamics can get "interesting".
Since I'm on the boat as the "expert", deserved or not, they of course look to me for decision making so I don't get to see the really exciting stuff but I can sure imagine it.

So a simple solution for the OP is to just invite a third party to co-captain until they get the hang of it. 

The solution my wife and I have come up with is a little different than what others have said. I don't think for my wife the fear of dieing is the motivating fear. It appears to be the fear of being responsible is bigger. So she does whatever she is comfortable doing for a long as she is comfortable doing it. At any time she doesn't like what is going on either because it is too much responsibility or to high a risk of injury to herself or others she is free to go below and lay down. If we have to abandon the boat I'm expected to let her know!!
If we die we die but it is not her fault!!

I just read this to my wife and she said. 
"Tell them Tiller to sheet, wheel away Problem solved."


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## sawingknots (Feb 24, 2005)

while i kindof agree with most of what was said on this thread i do think the analysis was a bit rushed,i'm always amazed at what people will say on a forum and not say face to face,i suppose its the nature of the beast! but having said that "she does girlish things and i do mine,she don't toe the mark and i don't walk the line" i almost always sail alone usually with my dog[female] when i do something stupid,she never comments or screams but can't mix a rhum and coke worth a damm


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## anthemj24 (Aug 24, 2011)

Fascinating thread, but I have to say after reading through the whole thing and what is left of the OP's posts, it looks to me like JamesWilson nailed this one early on. Her language gives her away as a control freak, not as a scared passenger. The title of the thread is

*"I dont feel safe with husband onboard "*

Meanwhile, the worst thing that happened during the trip is that he *"almost accidentally jibed"* Really? Sounds to me like maybe the guy knew what he was doing. No broken parts, nobody overboard (he may have missed an opportunity there), no engine malfunctions, no drifting for days, no cannibalism, etc. etc.

If he was as clueless as she made it out to be, and things were as dangerous as she made it out to be, chances are we would be reading a CG report and not her post-holiday whining.


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## Boasun (Feb 10, 2007)

They really need a third party that will take the couple through all of the drills require to safely cruise on a sail boat. The one on watch is in charge and the other follows his/her instructions. And drill, drill, drill until both can work as a team, understanding each other's jobs on the boat.
These drills are sail change, reefing, MOB, fire, taking on water and so forth. Honing their skills to the point where they are a functioning team in all aspects


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## jackdale (Dec 1, 2008)

Boasun said:


> They really need a third party that will take the couple through all of the drills require to safely cruise on a sail boat. The one on watch is in charge and the other follows his/her instructions. And drill, drill, drill until both can work as a team, understanding each other's jobs on the boat.
> These drills are sail change, reefing, MOB, fire, taking on water and so forth. Honing their skills to the point where they are a functioning team in all aspects


Docking, anchoring, all points of sail. Take at the CYA standards for Basic and Intermediate Cruising. These are a minimum.

http://www.sailing.ca/images/uploads/Basic Cruise March 31 2011 effective changes(2).pdf

http://www.sailing.ca/images/uploads/Intermediate Cruise April 4 2011 effective change.pdf


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## Bene505 (Jul 31, 2008)

Wifey said:


> .


As an unaffiliated bystander, withdrawing the post started me thinking that we are dealing with a control freak here. (Pity the poor guy.)

However, giving her the benefit of the doubt... they were in over their heads. Simple as that.

Regards,
Brad


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## davidpm (Oct 22, 2007)

Note to Wifey
I'm sure all of us are very sympathetic to your real issues.

_Quote
"When he talks about us sailing together now, i dont know what to say. I know if he wants tosail in conditions i dont think we can handle, and i say as much, he will get angry - but now im in a place where i dont care. If he cant move at my pace, and slowly build my confidence in saili g and my trust in him, id rather be on solid ground. I cant seem to make himsympathetic to these feelings and fear i will miss him for years of our marriage he spends sailing solo.
"_

We all have our own tolerance for risk. As guys we don't always get our partners needs the first pass. 
Sailing is a lot of fun and would encourage you to to do the following:
1. Go sailing and have a good time.

2. Talk to your husband about a plan that will make number one possible. I'm betting he really would rather sail with you than alone.

3. Ignore the comments about your character that were not true and hurt your feelings. On a pretty much anonymous forum we can sometimes make posts that are fun to read, but it is easy to forget that people that don't know us can be hurt. Guys like to trash talk each other sometimes in jest. It is pretty obvious that since none of us know you, any talk about your character or relationships is just conjecture at best.

4. Come back to the forum and ask questions and read old posts. There is a wealth of knowledge here. Yes there will be some trash talking but it is all in good fun.

5. Take advantage of some of the helpful suggestions you got in this thread.

Frankly we would love to have you tell about your trip and all the funny things that happened. In some sense my first year of sailing was the most fun because of all the silly things we did. We even have a long standing thread on this forum where we confess the mistakes we have made. It is an educational and fun read.

We are really not a bad bunch of guys and gals and we look forward to hearing of your adventures.


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## Ajax_MD (Nov 24, 2009)

smackdaddy said:


> Bubble, I'm curuious - apart from jw29's English knock - okay and the "ballsy shrew dump" bomb (which, granted, was not that cool), where was douchiness that rises to the level of popping a cap in the street?
> 
> I guess I'm a little more middle of the road on this one based on the post.
> 
> And +1 on CA. Love that place. I've just been spending way more time in ORA following the VOR lately.


Those were mainly what I was referring to.


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## blt2ski (May 5, 2005)

Saw the first page and a half this morning, come home to 5 pages....wow......

Sounds like a trip out with my wife. Altho i do have to reef, use a smaller jib in X wind conditions so she is somewhat happy, Not sure she will ever figure out the heeling part. Yeah, she was at the helm once with a accedental gybe. Still sometimes can not figure out why we can not just steer in the direction and do nothing else.....any way. Best not to scream at her, if she screams at me, left ear is deaf from mid to high range anyhow, so I usually do not hear the scream, altho right is about half gone, so hear some of it......

marty


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## PaulinVictoria (Aug 23, 2009)




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## JedNeck (Sep 22, 2011)

PaulinVictoria said:


>


Lol


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

night0wl said:


> I think her husband putting her in a situation that is beyond her comfort level points to a flawed individual that deserved the screaming/scared reaction that he got. Being on a undersized/underprepared sailboat in bad weather is reason to *FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE*...and people do what they can do to cope...even if its coping badly. There is more than enough blame to go around here.


_______________

- EDIT -

***DISCLAIMER - THE FOLLOWING POST IS SARCASM***
_______________

Good point! I grew up in Florida, where you live now. My older brother taught me to sail.

In all my years sailing, we _never_ had s%$t weather move in so quick that we couldn't outrun it. And, to further substantiate your point, I agree, any sailor that ever finds themselves in unanticipated conditions is a _bad_ sailor.

So, how big's the lake you sail in? 5 acres? 10?


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

Kielanders said:


> any sailor that ever finds themselves in unanticipated conditions is a _bad_ sailor.


What a load of codswallop!


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

flyingwelshman said:


> What a load of codswallop!


Sarcasm dude, chill.


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## night0wl (Mar 20, 2006)

Kielanders said:


> Good point! I grew up in Florida, where you live now. My older brother taught me to sail.
> 
> In all my years sailing, we _never_ had s%$t weather move in so quick that we couldn't outrun it. And, to further substantiate your point, I agree, any sailor that ever finds themselves in unanticipated conditions is a _bad_ sailor.
> 
> So, how big's the lake you sail in? 5 acres? 10?


Glad you agree...but I think your reasons for agreeing may need to be tweaked. Unanticipated weather can arrive...it happens. But you really really shouldn't be doing this as a beginner with your wife! I guess that is what I'm saying was the flawed judgement.


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## jackdale (Dec 1, 2008)

Kielanders said:


> In all my years sailing, we _never_ had s%$t weather move in so quick that we couldn't outrun it.


There are locales that have local conditions that develop so quickly, that you are at their mercy. A classic one on the BC coast is the Squamish, a katabatic wind that screams down Howe Sound.



> And, to further substantiate your point, I agree, any sailor that ever finds themselves in unanticipated conditions is a _bad_ sailor.


Sh*t happens on a boat. A good sailor knows how to deal them. Not everything can be anticipated.


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

jackdale said:


> There are locals that have local sonditions that dvelop so quickly, that you are at their mercy. A classic one on the BC coast is the Squamish, a katabatic wind that screams down Howe Sound.
> 
> Sh*t happens on a boat. A good sailor knows how to deal them. Not everything can be anticipated.


Again, dude, sarcasm, my bad.


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## jackdale (Dec 1, 2008)

Kielanders said:


> Again, dude, sarcasm, my bad.


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

night0wl said:


> Glad you agree...but I think your reasons for agreeing may need to be tweaked. Unanticipated weather can arrive...it happens. But you really really shouldn't be doing this as a beginner with your wife! I guess that is what I'm saying was the flawed judgement.


Thanks for tweeking my thoughts. I can tell you do the same service for many others as you're very proficient. On behalf of all of us, again, thanks.


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

This thread is like a bad slasher movie. Just when you think the villain has been killed, he comes back to life...

R.I.P.


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

I like the part where once we scare off the OP... we start turning on each other...


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

...long night drinking, I'll shut-up.

Although, it is a fun thread.


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

Squidd said:


> I like the part where once we scare off the OP... we start turning on each other...


That started long before we scared off the OP (page 1?); in fact, that may have convinced her to delete and run...


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

Kielanders said:


> ...long night drinking, I'll shut-up.
> 
> Although, it is a fun thread.


Aaaaa - don't tuck your tail. I for one appreciate a bold entrance.

Welcome to SN dude.

(PS - Jameswilson is a heartless bastard. Heh-heh.)


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

smackdaddy said:


> (PS - Jameswilson is a heartless bastard. Heh-heh.)


You gotta let them get to know me, so it is at least a little bit of a surprise! :laugher


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

smackdaddy said:


> Aaaaa - don't tuck your tail. I for one appreciate a bold entrance.
> 
> Welcome to SN dude.
> 
> (PS - Jameswilson is a heartless bastard. Heh-heh.)


Thanks for the welcome, but I've posted a few times, you might recognize me from such clueless threads, such as, "If Wood Floats, How Can A Wood Boat Sink?", among others.

CharlieCobra helped clear that up for me.

_...good times_


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## blt2ski (May 5, 2005)

Lack of daylight up north getting to kielanders? Days are getting longer......about 2-3 min per day, less than 5 months to the longest day of the year.....by then up that way, you may need to darkness to sleep!

So we sceered off the op....bummer, would like to know how things turned out!

marty

ps
Watch out for smacky, he is a bit on the far side!


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

If it's any consolation, I don't feel safe with your husband on board either. We have to be really quiet, and with the way you howl I am always worried we are going to get caught.


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

Kielanders said:


> Sarcasm dude, chill.


'Chill'?

I'm friggin' frosty!

But I think it was more 'ironic' than 'sarcastic'.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to use the word 'codswallop' in a sentence.


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## therapy23 (Jul 28, 2007)

kielanders said:


> _______________
> 
> - edit -
> 
> ...


lol


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## captflood (Jan 1, 2011)

GREETINGS EARTHLINGS; You tell Them BOY-BARCK! Go Safe


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

captflood said:


> ... GREETINGS EARTHLINGS; ...


Your not from around here...are you...?


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

captflood said:


> GREETINGS EARTHLINGS; You tell Them BOY-BARCK! Go Safe


Yeah, the whole "lings" suffix bothers me. What is a "ling" anyway? We don't call dudes from Mars "Marslings". Or dudes from Australia "Australings".

Granted, we _do_ call dudes from "Dinga-"...well you get the picture.


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

Dinga stole my baby.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

bljones said:


> Dinga stole my baby.


So I take it you don't feel safe with a Dinga aboard? Especially when he's drunk and wearing a wife beater tee?


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

smackdaddy said:


> What is a "ling" anyway?


Ling:










Ling Cod:










Bai Ling:










Of the three, I think #2 is most representative of Earthly lifeforms.


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## PaulinVictoria (Aug 23, 2009)

Not been to the west coast then Welshman? #3 is definitely the most common since all the cod died off.


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

I have very little luck with catching any of them.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

flyingwelshman said:


> Ling:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ling #3 might be a dude. You can never be too sure. Haven't you seen Hangover 2?










Shudder.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

OT in 3....2....1....


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## BentSailor (Nov 10, 2010)

Only on SailNet would we go from a wife feeling unsafe on the boat with her husband to the transexual Yasmin Lee. I know *lee* & *ling* sound similar, but it still astounds me


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

PaulinVictoria said:


> Not been to the west coast then Welshman? #3 is definitely the most common since all the cod died off.


I dove off Ogden Point and up the East side of the island to Campbell River/Quadra Island a few years ago and saw tons of ling cod. I'm sorry to hear that the numbers have declined. Perhaps, on the up-side, the octopus population has increased as a result?

I expect #3 would be a lot more common around Delta or Richmond?


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

BentSailor said:


> Only on SailNet would we go from a wife feeling unsafe on the boat with her husband to the transexual Yasmin Lee. I know *lee* & *ling* sound similar, but it still astounds me


That's what makes it so great!


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## PaulinVictoria (Aug 23, 2009)

Lots of problems with lice apparently. Same goes for the cod.


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## JoeDiver (Feb 2, 2011)

Get it?


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

JoeDiver said:


> Get it?


My Ding-a-*Ling*

And just to keep it on topic so we don't get bumped to OT pergutory: Sai*LING*


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

flyingwelshman said:


> My Ding-a-*Ling*
> 
> And just to keep it on topic so we don't get bumped to OT pergutory: Sai*LING*


Mr. Sai Ling thinks that's freakin' hilarious...


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

Goes great with sailing


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)




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## ericra (Oct 10, 2001)

WoW, talk about thread drift. Oh well, the OP was gone anyway.


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

flyingwelshman said:


>


which is exactly why I am afraid with her husband on board. We are gonna get caught.
I have to turn the Cranberries up really loud to cover the ecstasy.


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## flyingwelshman (Aug 5, 2007)

bljones said:


> I have to turn the Cranberries up really loudQUOTE]
> 
> Is that a reference to zombies?
> 
> Which reminds me: that thread needs to be ressurected!


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## JoeDiver (Feb 2, 2011)

flyingwelshman said:


> My Ding-a-*Ling*


:thewave:


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

zombies...who LINGer.

See what I did there?


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## BentSailor (Nov 10, 2010)

They are definitely going to f*ling* this to off-topic now


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## sawingknots (Feb 24, 2005)

this thread has more legs than a multiped in a nucular power plant or should i say zombies in a nucular power plant


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## OlderandWiser (Dec 13, 2008)

*suggestion*

Both of you get certified in offshore sailing school. Just don't do it together. That will give you moe confidence in yourself and in him. If he continues to be the daredevil and will not consult your need to build up slowly then he will give up his dream or you. Try to discuss this calmly but forcefully. That this is best for both of you and your dreams. Unless he is a complete ogre he will tone it down.
All the best.


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## JoeDiver (Feb 2, 2011)

This thread is dang*ling *by a.....a....thread....


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

In thinking about this, maybe all that is lacking is a clear division of responsibilities, you know, boundaries.

Perhaps, he could be the captain 'on deck', essentially sailing the vessel as a single-hander. And she could take charge of cabin life, you know, preparing meals, housekeeping, and other _associated_ duties.

I hear women respond well to such an arrangement, and find it very fulfilling.

...after all, I believe she said that_ 'she adores him'_.

Could be a good thing!


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

Squidd said:


> "Shut up wench...take your shoes off and go down in the galley and make me a rum and coke"...."Better yet, make one for yourself while your down there.."


I said that 8 pages ago...


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

Squidd said:


> I said that 8 pages ago...


...ahead of the curve for sure! And I'm behind the 8-Ball, as usual.


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## jameswilson29 (Aug 15, 2009)

She "adores" him, like her favorite Pekinese...


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## Deric (Feb 3, 2008)

A sailor I know at a marina was just telling everyone how he doesn't feel safe sailing with his wife -- _when his girlfriend is on board the boat with him._ All-righty then.


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## jackdale (Dec 1, 2008)

Deric said:


> A sailor I know at a marina was just telling everyone how he doesn't feel safe sailing with his wife -- _when his girlfriend is on board the boat with him._ All-righty then.


The nautical toast:

"To wives and lovers ----- may they never meet."


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## jimrafford (Jan 7, 2011)

ARGH! Any port in a storm!
Jim


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

Squidd said:


> I said that 8 pages ago...


...you didn't bring-up 'ball-gag 'n straight jacket' did you?

If not, I got dibs on that.


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

It was implied, sorry... but your on the right track...


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

and make me a friggin' sandwich.


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

I think we now know why the "Ladies are silent on SN".


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

smackdaddy said:


> I think we now know why the "Ladies are silent on SN".


they got hit by the boom?


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

.


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

That's right, you just sit in the corner and be quiet, squidd.


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

That was a quote.."."


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

dude, do you think this is really the thread to be making period jokes?


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## Squidd (Sep 26, 2011)

I already did on page 7...

I'd do it on the "Ladies" thread... but Donna scares me...


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

...god bless those who quoted her original post in their reply.


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## Sublime (Sep 11, 2010)

Kielanders said:


> ...god bless those who quoted her original post in their reply.


No kidding. Now I know what's going on. 

It sounded like Mr. Wifey is the one with experience on cruising boats, or am I interpreting it wrong? 

Wifey,
Sorry, but you're overreacting. Loosen up a bit. He wasn't purposely trying to kill you. 
Next time an accidental gybe happens (because it will), yell at Mr. Wifey asking if he's retarded or something and kick him out of the helm seat.
Set up some rules such as if someone on board is nervous, then you slow down. If there's an accidental gybe, you lose your seat at the helm.

It sounds like both of you have some experience. Both of you should know better than to rush a trip. Both of you should be able to see an accidental gybe coming.

You both have learning to do. So go learn and start over with a clean slate. If you fall off the horse, you have to get back on.


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## Deric (Feb 3, 2008)

One aspect of our (this) online community is someone can ask for advice and ideas and it won't be long before such advice and ideas are posted.

The task for any person who places a post is to review, consider, and evaluate the responses that can best help.

I enjoy readings the posts because responses are wide in scope. From non sensical to brutally expressionistic - in my opinion.

And to think such a community like this did not exist decades ago. Look how far we have come to make connections.

For this particular post, I encourage both parties to continue to work together toward a solution. Each of us finds our path, and so it will be here for our OP.

Best to you. Continue to seek out resources.


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## JoeDiver (Feb 2, 2011)

Deric said:


> And to think such a community like this did not exist decades ago. Look how far we have come to make connections.


This is nothing compared to the old usenet newsgroups back in the 80's and early 90's before the web. You could find any topic, or create your own group, especially in the "alt.whatever" categories. Things have always been brutal, and usenet wasn't censored mostly.


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## sck5 (Aug 20, 2007)

Gee, and before "usenet" there was always the bar behind the dock


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## Kielanders (Dec 8, 2011)

Wifey said that she'd had dinghy experience.

Could be I'm missing something.

Did she captain, or work crew?

How rigorous is that training these days?


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## bljones (Oct 13, 2008)

Kielanders said:


> How rigorous is that training these days?


I can only speak for myself, but the requirement to crew aboard Whiskeyjack is:
Got booze? 
You're in.


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## PaulinVictoria (Aug 23, 2009)

Perhaps this was her dinghy experience?


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