# He takes the helm, how do really feel ladies?



## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

Ladies, how do you really feel? You finally get some time at the helm, feel like you have a handle on things, running a reach, tacking, etc...

Then he suddenly assumes whatever it is he's assuming and "takes the wheel" He just doesn't seem to consider that you may really not be quite ready to relinquish the wheel so quickly. 

Lets hear it! The good the bad and the ugly!  

Now on the flip side... you don't give up the helm.. does he pout? shout? act like he's lost because he has to man the winches? 

(why does Denise come up with stuff like this?) :laugher


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## TejasSailer (Mar 21, 2004)

In the spirit of full disclosure, I haven't had the helm (wheel) for so long, I'm not sure I'd do anywhere near as well as she does.


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## pdqaltair (Nov 14, 2008)

deniseO30 said:


> Ladies, how do you really feel? You finally get some time at the helm, feel like you have a handle on things, running a reach, tacking, etc...
> 
> Then he suddenly assumes whatever it is he's assuming and "takes the wheel" He just doesn't seem to consider that you may really not be quite ready to relinquish the wheel so quickly.
> 
> ...


I say, assert yourself! I wish my wife would take charge a bit more. I'd go lounge up front. BTW, she never mans the winches when I'm on watch, so I would be disinclined to.

But, sometimes I take the helm back because there is a tricky bit coming up, I know she is not quite ready for it, and if something goes wrong I would rather it was my fault.

With freedom comes responsibility; if you are going to fight to keep the helm, man or woman, don't ask for help you don't really need. Learn to manage good weather and bad, problems and easy sailing. I do not appreciate a fair weather helmsman, that only wants the comfortable times and then hides below from the rain or even a bad cross-sea.


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## kd3pc (Oct 19, 2006)

after three boats, and limited helming by the wife...we took ASA courses together with the focus on her getting 100% capable, without me "teaching".

Turns out other than not "seeing" puffs, she is much better steering a straight course, compensating for wind shifts....and just all around doing a better job than I can, even though I have more seat time.

She still calls for me to do major winching and pulling, and often in close quarters. But she is having a ball and I know in the even that something happens, she can at least get the boat to and fro.

I am very happy with her helming...

Good post Denise


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

I love seeing my wife on the tiller. Of course, when she accidentally jibed in 25 knots while I was kneeling down into the lazarette and nearly broke my ribs with the mainsheet as it came across and slammed me into the tiller...she actually wanted to give it up.

What's a guy to do then?

I simply removed the rib from my lung, caught my breath, smiled and said, "sure sweetie".


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

SD.. a lesser man would have yelled, lol bless you!


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## smackdaddy (Aug 13, 2008)

Honestly, I want her to love it as much as I do. What's a sucking chest wound between mates?


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

well, hopefully some of the ladies will see this thread over the weekend.


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## GaryHLucas (Mar 24, 2008)

Some years ago I was on a dock with a guy who liked to race his 26 footer. He needed crew one weekend, and I volunteered, never having raced before. He was about 6 foot and 240 lbs. His was wife was 4' 10" and 98 lbs! He steered, she ground the winches, barely. She was always offering helpful advice about how to steer, which he always ignored. We came in about 3rd from last, which he was happy about, because he'd never before finished other than dead last. Now if the idiot had let his wife steer, because she clearly had a better idea of what to do, and put his opulent ass over the rail where it belonged, we probably could have actually competed!

Gary H. Lucas


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

Gary yes! and he could most likely handle the sheets without winches!

Pixie and Giant went for a sail; Giant said; "Pixie grind me a winch." "Which winch thou would hath me winch I shall, but if I may steer, fun we may have, does that appeal?" she said. Giant replied "Fee fye fo fum! I'm on bum on the helm! not a bum on drum!" (winch) :laugher


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## nhsail (Aug 7, 2000)

I solved the problem of wife being shy to steer the Bermuda 40, by supporting her decision to buy a Merit 25 for Estuary racing. She's a bit shy of traffic, and has not figured out the tiller totally yet, but its her boat. So far I have been willing to take helm when asked, but soon, its going to be "your boat, you dock it"

S


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## sailor50 (Aug 26, 2009)

That was funny!

There is only one Captain on a boat though - do you have issues?


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## CLucas (Feb 10, 2007)

smackdaddy said:


> I love seeing my wife on the tiller. Of course, when she accidentally jibed in 25 knots while I was kneeling down into the lazarette and nearly broke my ribs with the mainsheet as it came across and slammed me into the tiller...she actually wanted to give it up....


Are you sure it was an accident? ...or was the "accident" her forgetting to yell, "Look hon, a submarine!" before throwing the tiller over. I'm just sayin'...


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

....which should make some of you wonder why women boat owners seem to not have men onboard very often ..... (evil grin)


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## Livia (Jul 20, 2006)

We so rarely hand steer while sailing that this doesn't come up  auto pilot or wind vane - love em.


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## cormeum (Aug 17, 2009)

Sounds like a larger version of the TV remote. :laugher


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## zz4gta (Aug 15, 2007)

nhsail said:


> I solved the problem of wife being shy to steer the Bermuda 40, by supporting her decision to buy a Merit 25 for Estuary racing.
> 
> S


Could not have bought a better boat. 

Denise, where does this distain for male sailors come from? What kind of Neanderthals are you sailing with? Really? If you're sailing someone else's boat and they want to drive, its their boat, they can do what they wish. Just as if they're driving your boat and you want the helm, take it back, it's your boat. If they pout, tell em to HTFU and find another ride.

Personally, I really don't like driving, but people tend not to be as agressive in someone else's boat. Also on my boat the driver also does traveler, mainsheet, outhaul, and backstay adjustments and I just don't have crew capable of doing all that.

And the bit about the 240 guy driving a small boat w/ his <5' wife trimming, he's just an idiot. I don't know anyone who comes in the bottom 1/3 of hte fleet and is happy about it. Can't fix stupid.


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

No disdain, I just made an effort to have discussion here on the forum. Why take the PO to task for that? I thought the replies so far are really informative and actually show there are considerate sailors. 

Men can come on my boat! Hmmm....Lessee... cook, pull the anchor....read the charts.... do the shopping...


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## blt2ski (May 5, 2005)

Wife puts us in and out of slip, makes me jump to and from the dock, so if anyone slips, "I" get wet! I do most of the sail trim if DH'ing. Especially racing, she tillers, I handle sheets etc. If on a longer daysail, cruise to place etc, she likes to get the feel of the boat initially, then turns the tiller over to me. Takes over the tiller to tack or gybe, altho I can do this myself, easier with two of us! 

Must be why I am referred to as the cabin boy, she the admiral! Even tho I have many many more miles/hrs of sailing than she, not to mention building two sailboats as a teen.........

Marty


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

She's so very fortunate to have found you Marty!


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## blt2ski (May 5, 2005)

Denise,

Hope it is ok to say when racing crew, she is as far from the tiller as we can get her! Please note I said "WE" as in myself and crew! she does not steer that straight, gets to distracted when racing etc. anyway......enough of that eh! I end up being the tiller holder! we do MUCH better that way!

Marty


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

Well, we all know how competitive guys Marty, I'm sure she enjoys seeing you enjoy it so much.


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## blt2ski (May 5, 2005)

Denise, 
I should point out, one of my crew is my daughter, we now also have upon occasion one of my sons GF, and stillraining's daughter as joined us doing a sr class project. Altho out of those three women, the only one to sail with Sheryl is KT, ie my daughter! anyway, my twin sons are currently in France at a World Cup Boomarang throwing compitition. Richard won a local tourney in France last weekend, Daniel finished third, usually the placements are flipped. I think that was the first non 1st for Daniel since last summer US championship. Which he has won 2 or 3 times in the last 6-7 or so yrs. They did not know me as competitive until Sheryl and I bought the boat......now they know where the competitive spirit in them comes from......Both daughters and sons are reasonably competitive. unlike X............Sheryl is too, but or her, sailing is relaxing..............except on race days!lol


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## sailor50 (Aug 26, 2009)

When we took our first cruise with my Father-in-law, he was headed straight to the rubble of the jetty. Having just paid for the survey, insurance, bottom job, etc., I wasn't comfortable with our position, I grabbed the helm, turned it hard over, and he didn't speak to me for months!!

He had many years of experience cruising and boat building but at 76, didn't judge the predicament.

My partner said I did the right thing!


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

Saved the day too I might add!


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## eryka (Mar 16, 2006)

It hasn't really come up for us. When we're sailing for fun, we take turns. When we're making for a destination, most of the work is done by the faithful "Baron Otto von Pilot" so neither of us steers. When docking, I usually helm and put the muscle on the bow: not to get wet if one of us has to jump to a dock, but to fend if necessary. And the ugly sexist truth is, if a girl is at the helm, any dockhands are far more forgiving of sloppy docking than if the guy is at the helm. WTF, but if they're so narrow minded about it, they deserve to be taken advantage of!


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## deniseO30 (Nov 27, 2006)

LOL I never thought of that Eryka!


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## xxuxx (Nov 14, 2008)

*LOL......Men!!!*

This is why we don't have men aboard any more! Whether it's an offshore passage or bay sailing. Women together can and will get the job done, many times more efficiently and in a more tranquil manner than our counterparts. By the way, any women interested in sailing with us, PM me. We sail the Chesapeake.


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## k6uaw (Aug 14, 2018)

Widower with over 50 years sailing experience seeks widow or Lady sailor with sailing experience to continue life with. My wonderful sailing wife passed from alzheimers four years ago. We were married 53 years and sailed 50 of them! Not a single fight or argument, ever.

We had a Jeanneau 43 DS together. And several smaller boats including a Crealock 37 as we could afford them. I would be willing (and able) to buy us a cruiser up to say 45 ft and locate it between Pensacola and TX somewhere. The considerations would be distance to home and Hurricane survivability in Summer. We could do some local cruising in summer as long as we could get back to slip in 2 days. My home is abt 450 mi from gulf coast so totally safe from Hurricanes.

My sailing exp has been So. CA islands and Many BVI and USVI cruising vacations. And..

Following purchase I single handed our Jeanneau 43 DS 350 nm from San Francisco to Ventura CA for 56 hours straight (No Sleep!) in gale conditions annomometer reaching 60 now and then. The wind was never below 35 until rounding Pt. Conception. Weather radio reported Central CA seas running 20 ft. Now that was a ride ! Sailed on jib only gybing downwind on P&S tacks of about 40nm per tack. 24hrs/day. One must be damn careful and skillful to not blow out a jib gybing in that level of wind. Was making 6-8 kts on jib only.

I am an electronics engineer and entrepreneur owning a engineering firm for 20 years. Also very astute mechanically. You have no idea how many jury rigs i've created to get us back home in the wake of a breakdown. I like to carry a lot of spares. I love swimming and used to scuba dive. I think i'd now confine that skill to bottom cleaning and emergency repairs.
I own a lovely 3500 sf home on lake Balboa in Hot Springs Village, AR, with pool and boat house + runabout. We sailed together for years with our daughter and more years just the two of us. I'm safe never been arrested and have a passport, and carry permit that will demonstrate I am not a felon. I used to have top security clearance when i was an aerospace engineer. Now I'm just a lonely dude without wife or a sailing partner. maybe we can rescue each other? I still frequently cry for my wife. I have taken her loss very hard. Our love for each other was rock solid.

I would like to spend the entire safe winter months cruising the the Bahamas, T&C islands and Virgins. Then back to the safety of Hot Springs Village, AR During Hurricane season. Living like that we would be in summerish weather year round ! No winter for us!

Have large home with Pool and boat dock (complete with runabout on the premium lake in the village. (the village is 56 sq miles! Largest gated community in America. (Google it)

If you seek a successful very gentle and loving dude.. Lets talk. My wife and I never had an arguemnt or fight of any kind. Lets max out whats left of life.
As an aside.. I love classical music and opera. Very knowledgeable on both subjects. Wife and I attended many operas including Wagners giant Der Ring des Nibelungen. Twice.
Introduce yourself.. [email protected]
My fingers are crossed.


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## boatpoker (Jul 21, 2008)

Sharon lets me drive sometimes


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## SV Siren (Mar 8, 2013)

boatpoker said:


> Sharon lets me drive sometimes
> View attachment 140488


Apparently that wasn't one of them.  Personally I think everyone should share all duties, it makes for a better well trained crew.


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## boatpoker (Jul 21, 2008)

SV Siren said:


> Apparently that wasn't one of them.  Personally I think everyone should share all duties, it makes for a better well trained crew.


Thats OK, I let her do all the bottom work ... fair trade


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## JimsCAL (May 23, 2007)

Wow! You revived a thread you started 11 years ago!!


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